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Friday, December 30, 2011

Don't you just love when...

...you are browsing the Old.Nav.y website and go to click on the "women's" section but hit this instead...


...yeah, me either! Almost as if the silly world wide web decided to laugh at me and say, "NOT FOR YOU...JUST KIDDING!"

AAAAND...moving on.

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and joyful NYE and of course a wonderful new year filled with many (manymanymanymany) blessings!

I really do love how the new year brings about a new sense of hope, joy and excitement of what's to come...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Quick takes: Prayer buddy, Christmas season, how I'm feeling, etc..all included

1)I have to do a quick takes tonight because to be quite honest-the time in between my last post has felt like a sort of mish mash (is that how that's even said?!) of thoughts and feelings. Anyways, moving on...

2) I had the honor of praying for K @ www.runningsoloorsolow.blogspot.com-her blog is private, which is why I'm sure I hadn't heard much from her/about her. I immediately felt like I could connect with her because I have had so many heart felt conversation with my one of dearest friends about the aches and pains that come along with waiting for your significant other. I almost was surprised to receive her as my prayer buddy because I always get someone who is waiting and hoping and struggling with TCC...however, once I read her story, I almost felt as if it was natural for me to pray for her, because I had already been praying so hard for my sweet friend. K, just know that you will continue to be in my prayers!!

3) I didn't blog much after my last notsohappygolucky post, but it was because I needed to step back and focus on healing and focus on why I was celebrating Christmas. I wish I could say that it helped me and I was able to truly focus on the true meaning of Christmas and enjoy every celebration-but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. In a nut shell, let's just say Christmas Eve Mass I was on the verge of tears the whole time.

4) Thankfully not too many tears were lost Christmas Eve though because my DH and I showed up a little later to Mass and were stuck in the "back" (if you can even call it that)-where they had extra chairs in the hallways by the bathroom. Let's just say, the little ones trekking their way to the potties distracted me just enough to forget some of the pain I had been feeling.

5) And THANKFULLY and wonderfully, Christmas morning rolled around and my heart and soul felt new again. The hope seemed to creep back in and I felt overjoyed to be celebrating the birth of our Lord. I really have no explanation as to why Christmas morning came and brought me so much peace expect that it was the Holy Spirit. I don't go and question why certain days bring on the hope...I just go with it. Like I've said before, I CLING to it.

6) Can I just say that I am SOOOOO and a million more SOOOO's happy for sweet M @ JBTC and the birth of her precious miracle!! Her daughter was born the day after Christmas and what a beautiful gift that was! I was texting Jelly Belly and telling her how I get so much hope and joy when a fellow IFer crosses over...and truly that joy and hope has spilled over into today!

7) And that joy and hope-I pray for all of us...that this coming year finds many of us, still waiting, filled with blessings and joy through prayers answered.

8) THANK you to all of you wonderful ladies who have been praying for me in the last few weeks. I have struggled so much and was hurting more than I anticipated, but I know it's through y'alls amazing prayers that I have been able to slowly heal and pick up and move forward.

9) Speaking of moving forward, I am SO excited to start working with Doctor Hilgers. I am going to kick this PCOS in the butt. Hard. And then I may punch it also.

10) Okay, so glad I called this post a "quick takes" because I have been all over the place...thanks for bearing with me!

11) Praying for each and everyone of you beautiful blogger ladies and holding on to faith and hope...

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain." (Gordon Hinckley)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Feeling a little defeated

Ever since hearing the horrible news this past weekend, I spent the rest of the weekend in a fog, crying more than I thought I would and feeling sort of numb.

I know it's going to take sometime to heal from hearing about the loss of the baby. It's just that I thought the worst case scenario would be that she chooses another family or chooses to keep the baby...which both of those don't seem bad at all. I just never ever even thought abortion.

It still makes me so sad to know that is what happened but I'm going to continue to pray for her-as hard as it may be.

It just hurts.

Moving on...

In cycle news...I started spotting today, a couple days sooner than I have been averaging...which is awesome...wa'freakin'who for having your period on/around Christmas eve/Christmas.

I'm already so emotional from things, now add in hormones and I am a big mess.

Oh and, add in another pregnancy announcement (Dh's cousin, it's their second..they married 2 weeks after us-but who's thinking about that, now?!) and that really has sent me into a funk.

I really hate feeling like this. But one can not be always cheerful with hope and smiles spilling out their wazoo...no, the sadness, bitterness and anger come out from time to time as well.

I am going to try my best to get out of this funk ASAP though because I do not want my own little funk to fog why we are celebrating this time of year.

Ugh, I hate feeling like this...

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
'I will try again tomorrow.'"

Friday, December 16, 2011

One door closes as another opens.

Today my heart is filled with both joy and sadness.

Short story of the sadness and door closing:
The young mother who was open to adoption and who we were thinking about adopting from, decided that drugs and alcohol were more important than having a baby.

I think she was nearly 4 months along and she aborted the baby.

My heart feels crushed because this situation brought so much excitement and joyful anticipation for both my dh and I.

But now, that baby is in heaven.

I have tears in my eyes as I type this. It's like I said before, whatever the outcome with the situation (this was before I found out about the abortion) I felt such a strong connection to this little soul and would pray for them and the mother.

I will still pray, but my heart is aching through the prayers because I would have done anything I could have to help that baby have a long and happy and loved life.

But it wasn't my choice.

Please pray for this young mom, M.

Now, as for the other door opening:
Well, I finally mustered up the courage to call PPVI today. I got the information I needed and got off the phone feeling SO excited and so JOYFUL that this was something that was going to bring good things for my dh and I.

That excitement was cut short because literally about 5 minutes after I called, my MIL called me with the sad news.

So many mixed emotions today, tears of sadness and heart break, mixed with a joyful anticipation for this next step in our fertility journey with PPVI.

I trust Him.

Even through the trusting, it still hurts though.
A lot.
My heart is broken.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

6 quick takes

I am doing only six quick takes today because:

1) I found out today, at my second week of weight wat.chers that I have lost SIX pounds so far!! I was so shocked especially seeing as I have been munching on the good stuff with my nephews! It feels so good! Hopefully I can keep losing and hopefully this will help in my fertility (or lack there of)...at least I know it can't hurt!

2) No news on the adoption. I just continue to pray for the mother and the baby. It's interesting praying for a young mom and baby (who I have never met) every.single.day. I'm grateful I know the mom's name because then I can pray for her by name. Still so eager but knowing that if this is God's will, then things will fall into place one way or the other.

3) Please hold me accountable. I haven't talked to Omaha yet-and I really want to. It just seems every time I think about it I freak out a little bit (because I know what a HUGE step this will be for us). I am a loser. Please hold me accountable!!

4) Also, since you will be holding me accountable for number 3, will you also help encourage me to schedule my appointment with our local Napro doctor? I haven't seen a regular OBGYN in a year and a half...which means I haven't had my annual...which is really not good.

5) SARAH'S JOURNAL-I totally missed the post where you said you were going private and to email you...I miss knowing what's going on and if it's not too late, could you email me so I could continue reading. (fmtpblog@yahoo.com)

6) Christmas is coming up so fast and I haven't bought (or made) a single gift. BUT I have made a list and know pretty much all I need to get/make. I'm not too worried, it's not too much. I will say though, when I hear about everyone that had their gifts bought weeks ago...well, I felt like a slacker!

The end.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The non-update about the adoption

I really don't have much of an update at all-which is a little disappointing because I would love to know more and have a better "feel" for where this may or may not lead.

But then I take a step back and remember that God is in control and that I pray for HIS will to be done along with His timing.

So anyways, like I said, I do not know much more about the situation but my MIL did find out a few other things, like that this young 18 year old has a three year old and has also had an abortion in the past (unsure of whether it was before the three year old or after). Obviously this was so sad to hear BUT she said that she regrets the abortion so much and would never go through that again.

My heart skips a beat.
A good happy beat.
How ever this situation ends, this young mom will choose LIFE and not abort.

God is good.

We are still praying about it and discussing it and will not know more until my MIL meets with the girl in the next couple of weeks.

I will say one thing, I can't NOT think about it.

The idea, that maybe in 5 or so months I could be a mom.

That my dh could be a dad.

I try and shake that from my mind and not think about it too much but I can't help it. For some reason this situation has come to my dh and I and no matter the outcome, it's forever changed my heart.

For now, we are just sorta sitting in limbo...not really knowing anything about the situation but still trusting in HIS will.

And thanking God that she will not abort the baby!

That's all for my non-update...

“We have very little faith in the Lord, very little trust. If we trusted the Lord as much as we trust a friend when we ask him to do something for us, neither we as individuals nor our whole country would suffer so much.” (Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica)

Friday, December 9, 2011

This makes any bad day better!

My sweet little, 3 year old, godson was telling me how much he loves me.

Seriously melts my heart into a million little melty heart pieces!!

I will cherish this video until forever and I know that when I am having a not so great day, that it will lift my spirits!

I hope that it brings a little bit of joy y'alls way as well...

Enjoy:

video

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

My first ever award



I feel sorta bad because I was first given this award back in November from this amazing blogger and was going to blog about how EXCITED and HONORED I was but unfortunately I'm just now getting around to it. I am still so EXCITED and so honored though! And in the time between then and now, this wonderful blogger and this amazing blogger thought I was ok enough to receive the award also...so needless to say, I'm feeling very blessed! :) THANK YOU ladies!!!

And since I've been given the love...now I will pass the love out to these awesome bloggers:

http://theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/
http://thiscrossiembrace.blogspot.com/
http://ifbuthopeful.blogspot.com/
http://frustrationstation-jellybelly.blogspot.com/
http://theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/


Grr...my computer is being dumb and not letting me do the awesome "click here and it will send you to the link that I just typed out" so...if you don't already know the above bloggers, just copy and paste and go and see for yourself just how awesome they are!!


Upon receipt of the Liebster Blog Award, there are a few very simple rules:
1. Copy and paste the award on your blog
2. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
3. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog or emailing them.
4. Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Adoption advice. ***UPDATE!**

***I talked more today with my MIL and I had it wrong (not shocking, this was some major news and my heart and mind were racing!!)...apparently it's not family at all, it's the family member's (my MIL's uncle's great grandson's) girlfiend's sister...so the uneasiness of possibly being within family is not even there. My dh is still overwhelmed but open...please continue the prayers!!! Who knows what will happen all I know is that I trust HIM. ***


My dh and I have been trying for nearly 4 years now.
We have been open to life since we got married 4.5 years ago.

We have prayed that God leads us where he wants in regards to growing our family.

And the last so many years...this has been to doctors, pursuing getting me healthy and hopefully pregnant.

He's never let us down and it seems that each time we grow a little closer and closer to growing our family.

And now, we have prayed and feel that we will look into pursing treatment in Omaha with Doctor H (making the call tomorrow please say a prayer!!!) and feel extremely at peace and hopeful and excited.

We've always been opened to the idea of adoption, just never felt it was our time.

Until today.

My MIL approached me this morning with this:

Her uncle's daughter's son's girlfriend (who is 18) is pregnant with her second (the first she had when she was 15 with another man/boy) and was going to have an abortion but decided they want to pursue adoption.

She is 3.5 months along.

My MIL said she prayed about it and since she's worked with pregnant teens in the past, she knew that if she was going to pursue a private adoption, she would need to do that before she showed her to the local crisis pregnancy center and adoption agency.

She said she prayed about it and me and my dh came to her mind.

She had never thought of us before because we are "soo young" and even though we have been trying for awhile we are just "sooo young."

Anyways, I guess this has put a big responsibility on us...pray about/discern about/research about/and look into what it all means to adopt, and within family.

The thing is, my husband and I have not seen anyone on that side of the family (aside from my MIL's aunt and uncle once a year if that) and met these people.

BUT, the young couple want a closed adoption and do not want to know us/or whoever it is that is called to be this little ones parents.

How would that even begin to work within a family?

Sure, my family has had "in the family" adoptions before-my cousin was adopted by bio mom's dad, and my brothers and I were raised by my grandparents, but it's still so new to me to think of in the realms of US...and MY baby...and OUR family...

My husband was at first nervous and skeptical, but with lots of discussion he and I both decided to pray about it and look into what this could all mean.

I guess, I'm just curious and wondering what y'all thought? Would this cause way too many hardships than blessings? I don't want the family to feel unsettled at all.

And even though the bio mom and dad don't want to know who the adopted parents are...how could this be kept from the grandparent/great grandparents, especially because the great grandparents (my MIL's aunt and uncle) still keep in contact with my MIL and FIL?

My heart is already filled to the brim with the idea that this little soul was put into outr lives for a reason...whether it be that we are called to be their parents...or that they decide to parent and so we are called spiritually adopt him/her...or that maybe we are suppose to help lead this baby to another family.

I am not sure.

All I do know is that my mind is racing and my thoughts are going all over the place.

Please pray for us.

And offer any advice you have in regards to adoption/adoption within extended families/advice in general!!

Thanks.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Exausted

But oh so happy!

You see, I've been running around and playing with my nephews.

Why would this make me exhausted?

Well, my poor SIL started not feeling so well at the beginning of the week and so her husband (my Dh's brother) decided they should go to the ER because of lots pain and vomiting, etc...

The verdict?

Appendicitis! My poor SIL! Her and her family live in Maryland and so they don't really get to visit TX but once a year and of course this would happen.

BUT...we have decided that it's a blessing because had this happened back home 1)her husband is a Marine and doesn't get a lot of time off 2)because of where they are stationed they don't have any other family nearby.

Here...they have lots of help between my MIL and me!

And my poor MIL is not quite as active as she use to be and stayed up the first night waking every 3 or so hours with the littlest (4 months) who has a cold and is strictly bre.astfed but thankfully he is taking the bottle like a champ.

Where I come in is that my BIL has been staying the night at the hospital and so I offered to go over and keep the two oldest boys (3 and 6) out of the house so that Gm could get stuff done and rest and then last night I stayed in the room with the littlest one and was on bottle duty so my poor MIL (who's beat from the holidays and having SO many family members over) could sleep.

At first I wasn't so sure I believed the whole "every 3 hours he's waking because of his cough and to eat" but low and behold it was every 3 hours!

Needless to say, after entertaining the two oldest all day yesterday, staying up with the little one last night and then taking the two oldest out again today...I am beat!

I am air high-fiving all moms out there right now! ;)

I'm seriously exhausted!

I was going to stay the night again, but since my BIL has to fly back home for work tomorrow, he's staying the night with the boys (my SIL's orders!) since he wont see them for 2 weeks.

Say a prayer for my SIL, she's in quite a bit of pain-between the emergency surgery and her still pumping and being stuck in the hospital away from her babies.

I will say, that every time I held that sweet little one last night and into this morning for his feedings, I would offer up prayers for many of you and especially my prayer buddy. Sacrificing that sleep for his sweet little self was obviously so worth it, and of course had me imagining and dreaming and praying about the day I am doing that with one of my own, but I was surprised in my sleepy stupor I was able to still pray and offer up prayers.

Anyways, after we took the two oldest to a movie (Arthur Chr.istmas...CUTE movie) and having the 3 year old in my lap the whole time spilling popcorn ALL over everywhere...I told them goodnight and said I would see them tomorrow, which they complained that was, "much too far away...it will take too long!!"

Sweet babies! :)

I came home just in time to kiss my husband goodbye for work (grr night time shifts) and laid on the couch anticipating an early night but then I realized that since all this happened unexpectedly I hadn't been able to put up Christmas decorations (but I've taken down the fall ones so our home feels a bit "naked" to me!) so I thought I would quickly put up the tree....

...1.5 hours later I finished and look forward to finishing the rest soon...just not tonight.

Tonight I am tired.

Feeling extremely blessed and loved.

But oh so tired.

Am I just rambling on now? Maybe I forgot to mention I'm a wee bit sleepy! ;)

And now, I'll end with a hint about where we have decided (with LOTS of prayers, advice and research) to pursue our next fertility stuff:


“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”