I haven't posted, although I have wanted to.
The reason why I haven't?
Well...let's just say the end of last week and the beginning of this week have been filled with:
-LOTS of Facebook preggo announcements..
-Some friends saying, "So, when are y'all going to have kids?"
-Family members asking, "So, when are y'all going to have kids?"
-Talking with family and in-laws and friends as they discuss when when they "plan" on having their (2nd,3rd,4th) next little one.
-Getting discouraged because they can "plan" and we cannot.
-Having emotional days feeling far from God.
-Questioning where we should go next in this journey...still feeling like we need to pursue an actual fertility specialist (Austin? Omaha?)...
-Having a few not so fun family arguments in the midst of feeling down but having to "suck it up" because I'm still pretending to be ok.
-Realizing that we are closely coming up on 4 years of trying (with doctors) to conceive...
So, needless to say, if I would have blogged from last week and every day til now it would have been a lot of downer posts and well instead of that...I took the time to step back (well, sortakindaIdidjustmentionalotofwhatwasbringingmedown...cutmesomeslack,thisisstillmy blog,right?!) and pray about it and try and listen to what God was telling me.
And here's what I got so far...
-Give up FB if it gives you that much heart ache.
-If I'm not comfortable with opening up to family or friends about our trials and sufferings to having children...well, then just say, "we are trying..." and move on.
-Smile and say a prayer that when they actually do plan on "trying" that they don't have to suffer from any cross of IF because it hurts so very badly.
-Say the simple prayer of, "God I feel so far from you...please help me to draw closer to you."
-Leaning towards Austin because 1)It's closer to us and 2)We have family down there and 3)I know a pretty awesome blogger who would help me out!
-Realizing that sometimes I am deep into my "IF funk" and most things hurt more than others because well, I'm "deep into my IF funk"...which means, offering it up and realizing that there are simply some times where I am a little more fragile.
-Thanking God that I did not/do not know how long it will take for our family to grow. And knowing that I am BEYOND blessed to have the amazing man by my side supporting, encouraging and loving me during this crazy roller coaster ride...
So, tonight I am offering up all of the pain I have felt the past few days AND all the joy and laughter too...
I was just thinking yesterday that I am going to swear off FB again. I, too, am sick of the preggo announcements, preggo pics, and baby pics. Why do I need to see what everyone else is bragging about anyway?
ReplyDeleteI only get on FB rarely. It's really better that way. I'm sorry it's been one of those weeks!
ReplyDeletePraying for you my friend...
ReplyDeleteI gave up FaceBook and am much happier.
ReplyDeleteLena
FB is a tough place. I have blocked seeing so many pg friends so I don't have to deal with the updates! Time away from FB or deleting your account are both good options.
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you, my dear friend!
Praying for you. I hope you find peace during this crazy roller coaster ride. Yes, I think you should find an aggressive doctor like Dr.H who can help you identify what's going on. I am struggling with the same as I often feel that my NaPro dr. isn't being aggressive with my treatment.
ReplyDeleteI am blessed to not have access to FB during the workdays :)
ReplyDeleteFragile days... ahh, I know them well. But why does it seem like more and more of the month is being taken up by them?? :(
So sorry things have been rough. Unfortunately, that's the roller coaster of IF emotions, and often times they are down in the valley. I'm like Jelly Belly- I just block preggo people that post too much it's painful for me. Maybe that would work for you? Praying you're on the upwards swing now!
ReplyDeleteI vote for Omaha! :) But I am biased and want to hang out with you. Plus Dr. H is the best there is.
ReplyDeleteugh sending you love and big hugs and bigger prayers!!! I vote Omaha, too, but understand that Austin might be much easier! I'm biased toward Omaha as well though!
ReplyDeleteWe're here to listen to the blue thoughts on fragile days. itisyourblogsothere :) But I am totally impressed with you and all of your good ideas here to keep on keeping on. Hugs and prayers!
ReplyDelete-Jan
Fb is hard for me too. I love your plans of action...and relying on God and prayer is the best medicine for sadness I think. Prayers!!!
ReplyDeleteAustin! Austin! Austin!
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with the other ladies, hide those preggo FB friends or just don't go on. Its hard not to be on FB, but its harder to read/see the pics/announcements.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your feelings about feeling so down. A lot of the time, I can relate and it helps me to see another's struggle and how you're making it through. Its inspiring!
Prayers for you. This IF journey is HARD!
Oh the fragile days. They are so hard and so painful all on their own - without all of the other 'stuff.'
ReplyDeletePrayers for peace and healing.
I say go Napro Doc, you won't look back!!!
ReplyDelete