I have this friend, who I'm not really that close to anymore but because of FB we are obviously caught up on each others' lives.
Her story, they very sadly and unfortunately had 2 miscarriages when they were married 12 years ago. After suffering with infertility for 4 years, they sought help with Dr. H at the PPVI and by the grace of God, the surgery to get rid of her endo was a success and they had their first baby boy 8 years ago!
Then, 2 years after that they had their next son (I think she took progesterone).
Then 2 years later they had their next son-not sure if meds were involved here.
Then, just as they had before (their ideal 2 years apart), they had their 4th son.
He's only 1.5 and even though they've successfully gotten pregnant when "planned" she will still talk openly in FB about her infertility. Like today, this:
I specifically remember when her littlest one turned 1 in June that she posted for prayers for her in regards to her IF because they were desperately starting to try for #5 again.
That was 5 months ago people!
I know that the pains of IF will linger long after babies are (God willing) in our arms, but I get frustrated seeing this because there are quite a few people that I know who have struggled for years (hello we were one of them!!!) that are friends with her on FB and seeing statuses like this stings.
One of our mutual friends actually, who I am really close with, has told me that she's told her that since they have "planned" out the timing of their 4 sons, to talk about still suffering with IF is probably not appropriate especially since there are so many still suffering.
Ugh-it's just so hard to look past this especially because I know she's aware of at least three couples who are currently battling the cross of IF.
Okay, okay...now that I've vented I hope y'all don't think I'm a horrible person for getting so bothered by this, but she's done this in the past, while we were still TTC, and it hurt then and now it just bothers me.
I need to get over it...hoping now that I've vented and typed it out I can stop being annoyed.
Vent over.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I pray every day that if we become parents that I do not ever forget the pain of infertility and that I always respect that those around me may be hurting. I can see doing someting by accident, but she has to know this is going to cause pain.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers of peace to you!
Ack. I can see why you are frustrated. When we finally gave birth Sam I knew then and there that I had what so many women, including myself, had prayed for for so long. And that no matter what happened in future, and what pain I may suffer because I may want more children, I could never again call myself infertile (maybe subfertile...jk). But really. You would think she would be aware of this and the difference between being unable to have children and being unable to plan the precise moment of having a child. Because none of us can do the latter.
ReplyDeleteI no longer have anymore pain from IF..... ;) none.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful for it cause these days get long and hard. Sometimes near brutal and I stop in my frustration and thank god for it but to feel the pain-no. It was replaced with a different type of pain. Lollll
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteI don't understand this, but I had a friend that seemed to do something similar for a while. First she was upset because she was single. Then, once she was married, she was upset that she wasn't pregnant (it did take 11 months, so she gets a little slack here, but she found out she was pregnant just before her first appointment for subfertility. Then she was upset because she didn't have more children. Given that I through all this, I was (and am) STILL single, I was so frustrated at her seeming complete lack of thankfulness for what she had. She seems to be over it now, and I don't see these types of posts from her anymore. All that to say that kind of situation is really frustrating!
ReplyDeletePeople finally get what they want and forget about anyone else's feelings. It happens all the time.
ReplyDeleteYour friend...and even some of the people on these blogs..are living proof of that.
I didn't mean that to sound quite as passive aggressive. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteTo be more clear: Some of the OTHER people on these blogs...
Hopefully your friend will gain your same wisdom one day.
Maybe her pain of IF has not healed? Maybe it still hurts? Maybe she hasn't been able to give it all to God yet?
ReplyDeleteI say just pray for her. This might be what she needs most right now.
I don't think she would qualify as infertile anymore. Goodness, looking for attention, it sounds like.
ReplyDeleteWow! That would grate on me too. I'd say after 4 healthy, living children, she has a handle on her infertility. At that point, if I were in her shoes, I would keep my infertile feelings between myself or my husband. Especially as she knows what true infertility (4 long years) is like. I agree with IMHPFP ... maybe attention seeking? Some people share way tooooo much, IMHO.
ReplyDelete:-)