"I wuv you foreva"

Today I spent it with my amazing MIL, SIL, BIL and 3 year old nephew and 10 year old niece (they have another little girl due in Sept!) at their new home about 2.5 hours East of here.

My MIL was going to pick up my niece and nephew to bring them back to her place for some "GM camp" and where my other nephew met up also. She didn't mind driving out there alone but I offered because I am the "cool aunt". And no...I'm not quoting myself here!

A little bit about being the cool/fun aunt...it's great when I am IN the moment with these beautiful souls. I spoil these kiddos with laughter, hugs and kisses and some serious playtime when I am with them. My beautiful MIL (yes, I love her to pieces and am beyond blessed to have joined such an amazing family that i feel like I've been apart of from the beginning!) says this a lot...about me and my DH being the fun aunt and uncle and it's great...really...it is.

However, it's the leaving and coming home alone that hits the pit of my stomach in ways that's impossible to describe to people. I have explained this to my DH and he understands but like I've mentioned before, he's very optimistic about most things/most of the time and so he loves being the fun aunt and uncle and knows that we will one day hold our own children AND be the fun ones...

I feel this too, I really do. But sometimes it's hard because as much as I love this and as much as I love these little ones, I desire so much to hold my own children that when I leave, there's a part of me that can't help but hurt. The reality of my IF comes flooding in, even though the day was spent with SO much laughter and so much fun.

The sadness is only temporary for now though, because I know that when I meet tomorrow for day two of "GM camp" that sadness will disappear and my heart will swell with love for these little ones. And my face will hurt because most of our time will be spent laughing at what the 3 year old and 5 year old boys are talking about!

So in the end...it's worth it and I will embrace, whole heartily, the title of "cool/fun aunt" because I know that one day we will hold our own and still work to own that title! ;)

Lastly, about my blog post title...this was the conversation with my little 3 year old nephew (he'll be 4 in August):

Him: "Aunt Awesome (he didn't really say that but I don't use real names so I can say whatever I want!!), I wuv you!"

Me: "Really?! How much do you love me?"
(Right here I was expecting the typical "from here to here" with his little hands outstretched...)

Him: "I wuv you foreva, dat's how much!"