Don't you just love when...

...you are browsing the Old.Nav.y website and go to click on the "women's" section but hit this instead...


...yeah, me either! Almost as if the silly world wide web decided to laugh at me and say, "NOT FOR YOU...JUST KIDDING!"

AAAAND...moving on.

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and joyful NYE and of course a wonderful new year filled with many (manymanymanymany) blessings!

I really do love how the new year brings about a new sense of hope, joy and excitement of what's to come...

Quick takes: Prayer buddy, Christmas season, how I'm feeling, etc..all included

1)I have to do a quick takes tonight because to be quite honest-the time in between my last post has felt like a sort of mish mash (is that how that's even said?!) of thoughts and feelings. Anyways, moving on...

2) I had the honor of praying for K @ www.runningsoloorsolow.blogspot.com-her blog is private, which is why I'm sure I hadn't heard much from her/about her. I immediately felt like I could connect with her because I have had so many heart felt conversation with my one of dearest friends about the aches and pains that come along with waiting for your significant other. I almost was surprised to receive her as my prayer buddy because I always get someone who is waiting and hoping and struggling with TCC...however, once I read her story, I almost felt as if it was natural for me to pray for her, because I had already been praying so hard for my sweet friend. K, just know that you will continue to be in my prayers!!

3) I didn't blog much after my last notsohappygolucky post, but it was because I needed to step back and focus on healing and focus on why I was celebrating Christmas. I wish I could say that it helped me and I was able to truly focus on the true meaning of Christmas and enjoy every celebration-but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. In a nut shell, let's just say Christmas Eve Mass I was on the verge of tears the whole time.

4) Thankfully not too many tears were lost Christmas Eve though because my DH and I showed up a little later to Mass and were stuck in the "back" (if you can even call it that)-where they had extra chairs in the hallways by the bathroom. Let's just say, the little ones trekking their way to the potties distracted me just enough to forget some of the pain I had been feeling.

5) And THANKFULLY and wonderfully, Christmas morning rolled around and my heart and soul felt new again. The hope seemed to creep back in and I felt overjoyed to be celebrating the birth of our Lord. I really have no explanation as to why Christmas morning came and brought me so much peace expect that it was the Holy Spirit. I don't go and question why certain days bring on the hope...I just go with it. Like I've said before, I CLING to it.

6) Can I just say that I am SOOOOO and a million more SOOOO's happy for sweet M @ JBTC and the birth of her precious miracle!! Her daughter was born the day after Christmas and what a beautiful gift that was! I was texting Jelly Belly and telling her how I get so much hope and joy when a fellow IFer crosses over...and truly that joy and hope has spilled over into today!

7) And that joy and hope-I pray for all of us...that this coming year finds many of us, still waiting, filled with blessings and joy through prayers answered.

8) THANK you to all of you wonderful ladies who have been praying for me in the last few weeks. I have struggled so much and was hurting more than I anticipated, but I know it's through y'alls amazing prayers that I have been able to slowly heal and pick up and move forward.

9) Speaking of moving forward, I am SO excited to start working with Doctor Hilgers. I am going to kick this PCOS in the butt. Hard. And then I may punch it also.

10) Okay, so glad I called this post a "quick takes" because I have been all over the place...thanks for bearing with me!

11) Praying for each and everyone of you beautiful blogger ladies and holding on to faith and hope...

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain." (Gordon Hinckley)

Feeling a little defeated

Ever since hearing the horrible news this past weekend, I spent the rest of the weekend in a fog, crying more than I thought I would and feeling sort of numb.

I know it's going to take sometime to heal from hearing about the loss of the baby. It's just that I thought the worst case scenario would be that she chooses another family or chooses to keep the baby...which both of those don't seem bad at all. I just never ever even thought abortion.

It still makes me so sad to know that is what happened but I'm going to continue to pray for her-as hard as it may be.

It just hurts.

Moving on...

In cycle news...I started spotting today, a couple days sooner than I have been averaging...which is awesome...wa'freakin'who for having your period on/around Christmas eve/Christmas.

I'm already so emotional from things, now add in hormones and I am a big mess.

Oh and, add in another pregnancy announcement (Dh's cousin, it's their second..they married 2 weeks after us-but who's thinking about that, now?!) and that really has sent me into a funk.

I really hate feeling like this. But one can not be always cheerful with hope and smiles spilling out their wazoo...no, the sadness, bitterness and anger come out from time to time as well.

I am going to try my best to get out of this funk ASAP though because I do not want my own little funk to fog why we are celebrating this time of year.

Ugh, I hate feeling like this...

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
'I will try again tomorrow.'"

One door closes as another opens.

Today my heart is filled with both joy and sadness.

Short story of the sadness and door closing:
The young mother who was open to adoption and who we were thinking about adopting from, decided that drugs and alcohol were more important than having a baby.

I think she was nearly 4 months along and she aborted the baby.

My heart feels crushed because this situation brought so much excitement and joyful anticipation for both my dh and I.

But now, that baby is in heaven.

I have tears in my eyes as I type this. It's like I said before, whatever the outcome with the situation (this was before I found out about the abortion) I felt such a strong connection to this little soul and would pray for them and the mother.

I will still pray, but my heart is aching through the prayers because I would have done anything I could have to help that baby have a long and happy and loved life.

But it wasn't my choice.

Please pray for this young mom, M.

Now, as for the other door opening:
Well, I finally mustered up the courage to call PPVI today. I got the information I needed and got off the phone feeling SO excited and so JOYFUL that this was something that was going to bring good things for my dh and I.

That excitement was cut short because literally about 5 minutes after I called, my MIL called me with the sad news.

So many mixed emotions today, tears of sadness and heart break, mixed with a joyful anticipation for this next step in our fertility journey with PPVI.

I trust Him.

Even through the trusting, it still hurts though.
A lot.
My heart is broken.

6 quick takes

I am doing only six quick takes today because:

1) I found out today, at my second week of weight wat.chers that I have lost SIX pounds so far!! I was so shocked especially seeing as I have been munching on the good stuff with my nephews! It feels so good! Hopefully I can keep losing and hopefully this will help in my fertility (or lack there of)...at least I know it can't hurt!

2) No news on the adoption. I just continue to pray for the mother and the baby. It's interesting praying for a young mom and baby (who I have never met) every.single.day. I'm grateful I know the mom's name because then I can pray for her by name. Still so eager but knowing that if this is God's will, then things will fall into place one way or the other.

3) Please hold me accountable. I haven't talked to Omaha yet-and I really want to. It just seems every time I think about it I freak out a little bit (because I know what a HUGE step this will be for us). I am a loser. Please hold me accountable!!

4) Also, since you will be holding me accountable for number 3, will you also help encourage me to schedule my appointment with our local Napro doctor? I haven't seen a regular OBGYN in a year and a half...which means I haven't had my annual...which is really not good.

5) SARAH'S JOURNAL-I totally missed the post where you said you were going private and to email you...I miss knowing what's going on and if it's not too late, could you email me so I could continue reading. (fmtpblog@yahoo.com)

6) Christmas is coming up so fast and I haven't bought (or made) a single gift. BUT I have made a list and know pretty much all I need to get/make. I'm not too worried, it's not too much. I will say though, when I hear about everyone that had their gifts bought weeks ago...well, I felt like a slacker!

The end.

The non-update about the adoption

I really don't have much of an update at all-which is a little disappointing because I would love to know more and have a better "feel" for where this may or may not lead.

But then I take a step back and remember that God is in control and that I pray for HIS will to be done along with His timing.

So anyways, like I said, I do not know much more about the situation but my MIL did find out a few other things, like that this young 18 year old has a three year old and has also had an abortion in the past (unsure of whether it was before the three year old or after). Obviously this was so sad to hear BUT she said that she regrets the abortion so much and would never go through that again.

My heart skips a beat.
A good happy beat.
How ever this situation ends, this young mom will choose LIFE and not abort.

God is good.

We are still praying about it and discussing it and will not know more until my MIL meets with the girl in the next couple of weeks.

I will say one thing, I can't NOT think about it.

The idea, that maybe in 5 or so months I could be a mom.

That my dh could be a dad.

I try and shake that from my mind and not think about it too much but I can't help it. For some reason this situation has come to my dh and I and no matter the outcome, it's forever changed my heart.

For now, we are just sorta sitting in limbo...not really knowing anything about the situation but still trusting in HIS will.

And thanking God that she will not abort the baby!

That's all for my non-update...

“We have very little faith in the Lord, very little trust. If we trusted the Lord as much as we trust a friend when we ask him to do something for us, neither we as individuals nor our whole country would suffer so much.” (Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica)

This makes any bad day better!

My sweet little, 3 year old, godson was telling me how much he loves me.

Seriously melts my heart into a million little melty heart pieces!!

I will cherish this video until forever and I know that when I am having a not so great day, that it will lift my spirits!

I hope that it brings a little bit of joy y'alls way as well...

Enjoy: