My body does not produce progesterone

I am on:

-200mg PIO shots 2 times a week

-one super fun suppository pill at night

-and now since my last draw was lower than they'd like to see (33.2 @ 16 weeks) I'm now on an additional 2 more oral pills throughout the day.

Seeing as I started at out only 6, I'm definitely glad that I'm going up and not down. But man oh man, today, day 2 of taking it all, it has really caused me to be extra tired!

The nurse at PPVI said that they weren't nervous about anything bad happening, just that they want it higher (apparently its low zone 2) and I'm just grateful they are there watching and helping me throughout this process.

It absolutely amazes me that this little girl of ours has thrived and done so well given my less than stellar progesterone reads.

Speaking of little girl...we are still, slowly taking it all in that we are having a daughter.

We seriously had probably over 90% of family and friends guessing boy, especially seeing as my dh's family, going back many generations, has only ever had a boy first and a lot if times, only boys. Both his brothers have 3 boys each, no girls. Everyone thought it was a given.

But little girl proved them wrong and DH and I are over the moon.

The day we found out she was a she is def up there with our most incredible days ever.

I cannot believe that I am a mother to a daughter.

Still soaking it all in and counting my blessings.

And something else, while we were experiencing such joy, my heart was breaking at the same time for sweet JBTC. It truly made us more aware of just how fragile and precious life is. So in the middle of our celebrating, we were mourning the loss of her sweet one and praying that the Lord will give peace and comfort to her and her family. If you haven't already done so, please take a moment and offer up a prayer (or 10) for this beautiful blogger!

Life is precious.
Don't forget to count those blessings.

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We're having a...

I'll share all the details of our big day later! Thanks for the prayers and well-wishes...

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Tomorrow

This morning I woke up and did as I have done every morning since we found out we were expecting, I had my hands on my belly and said, "thank you Lord for this precious gift."

Then, I came out into the living room and grabbed our doppler to get a listen at this little one. I've gotten really good as finding him/her and this morning was no exception-instantly the beautiful "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" sound came up.

Truly one of the most beautiful sounds this gal has ever heard.

I could tell they had been sleeping too, because unlike normally where they are wiggling all over, heart rate jumping from 150-160, this morning it was a steady 145 and they weren't trying to wiggle away.

After that I went and got breakfast and my vitamins. As I was sitting there eating, I nearly broke down in beautiful, grateful, joyful tears.

I couldn't believe that tomorrow, we will find out if we are having a son or a daughter.

Tomorrow.

My heart is literally bursting from the anticipation and I'm still simply in awe that this is happening in our life.

So many years of waiting.
So many years of failed treatments.
So many tears and heavy hearts.

I've wanted to be a mother for as long back as I can remember and have drawings/diary entries to prove it.

I've wanted to be a mother for so long, and we had to wait even longer that it's absolutely amazing and surreal to me that, we are living those moments...those beautiful moments leading up to us holding our precious one.

So, somehow, today, I'm suppose to carry on and go through the day as if something truly amazing isn't going to happen tomorrow.

Except, it is going to happen.
Which means, probably tears on and off today and lots of big, smiles and day dreams.

I can't wait to share the news with y'all with pictures and all.

I would be lying if I said I was a teeny bit nervous- just hoping and praying that our little one is growing strong and healthy, so prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Oh the joyful anticipation of tomorrows appointment-2:30 CST!

How oh how will I sleep tonight?!?!

Our master bedroom has never looked so good!

The other day when we were at my Gm's, she gave us the cradle that my aunt used for all 8 of her kids, my cousins.

The special thing about this cradle is that my Gp hand made a cradle for each aunt, three total, and then the talk was when we (my brothers and I) were old enough and had kids, we would use it.

As some know, and as a refresher, when I say, Gp I mean the man who raised me and my brothers, so much more like a father than only a grandpa.

My Gp passed away from an accident nearly three years ago-it devastated our family but we all find peace in knowing that he's in heaven.

So this cradle is very special.
I've actually dreamt about getting to lay my little ones in it, just knowing that such an important man in my life made it.

Well...the cradle is here...at our house...in our bedroom! I have tears just thinking about this!

I actually bumped into it last night going to the bathroom. And then, there in the dark I smiled like a crazy person! :)

Seeing it makes my heart jump for joy! My Gm said we needed it now because, "if you're about to find out the gender you need that cradle!" ;)

It's a little naked, no bedding, but my Gm is going to make all white bedding for it.

Someone pinch me now...this all seems so (beautifully and amazingly) surreal.

"When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over." [OneRepublic, Good Life]

One week from today

One week from today we will find out if the little one in there is a boy or girl.

Ohmygoodnessimsoexcited!!!

Ps-ignore the split ends...I plan on taking care of that soon!


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Part of the pregnant crowd.

This past Saturday I attended a baby shower for a friend.

My FIRST shower as a pregnant woman.

It didn't even dawn on me the significance the shower was until I was getting ready to leave for it.  As I was putting on my last swap of mascara, I started to get all teary eyed and it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was actually enjoying getting ready for this shower because two things were missing: bitterness and sadness.

You see, in my 5 years of marriage and being open to life, and then of course struggling, I had told myself that no matter what, if it was a good friend, I would go to their shower because they deserved that much.  Sure there were times where I would be getting ready and tears would stream down my face from the sadness and the unknowing if I would ever attend a shower of my own.  Then there were times where I would be getting ready and just be down right mad...filled with bitterness.

There were times that during the smiles and nods of the baby talk ever flowing, I would excuse myself to use the restroom and as I would shut the door, I would breathe a heavy sigh, tears filling my eyes, doubting my own strength.

Somehow though, God always gave me the strength to smile through the pain and support my friend's during those precious moments of their lives...the joyful anticipation of their new little ones.

God gave me that strength because I know for a fact I couldn't have done it on my own.

So, getting ready for the shower this past Saturday was quite different,  as tears were filling my eyes I realized they were tears of joy and excitement because for once, I would not feel quite so left out.

Or so I thought.

At the shower, the baby talk was in full force and as I have experienced in the past with other showers, just about everyone there was either 1)with a young one or 2)pregnant.  In fact, the number of preggers at this shower was astonishing!  The reason I know this was that one woman asked just how many, and for those of us to raise our hands if we were pregnant.

Like a fish out of water (does that saying even work?!  Oh well, in my mind it does! ;)), I nervously raised my hand among all the other pregnant women.

In my mind I felt like an impostor, like I was doing some wishful thinking and just wanting to be part of that "preggo crowd."

But I wasn't an impostor.

I was pregnant.

And a couple of the ladies around asked me questions about how far along, what do I think we're having, etc...and I answered them, and at first I was nervous but then I relaxed and was actually smiling and laughing and enjoying it.

What a difference from just about every other baby shower I have ever attended in the last 5 years.

Now, I know that there are some that can't attend baby showers because the pain is too much, and I don't judge that at all...there were many times that I thought, "there is NO way." but for me, it was a personal challenge, and something I really wanted to do.

Sure, I felt like an impostor and a bit like an outsider at first but then slowly, but surely I warmed up to the conversations and questions and it felt oh.so.good.

Still in awe that we are pregnant, 15 weeks at that, and that I am actually able to attend baby showers or functions with lots of little ones and feel emotionally stable and happy to be there.

Although it's taken 5 years, it feels like it's happening so very fast.

Which sounds odd to write, but it does feel like that at times.

Wow...15 weeks, and in a couple more weeks we will find out if this precious miracle is a little lad or a little lady!

See, it's happening very fast.

Now, if only Fall would get here fast...I'm so ready for leggings, cardigans, tall boots, fall decorations, spiced candles, and cooler weather...

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." [Eleanor Roosevelt]

Home doppler

I have read many pros and many cons to having a home doppler to listen to your baby's heartbeat.

I was fairly certain I wouldn't be buying one, because...well, it wasn't something we needed to spend money on.

But then, a friend who was pregnant last year, said she had one and I could borrow it if I wanted.

I instantly jumped at the opportunity!

I've had it for almost a week and to be able to listen to one of the most amazing sounds, everyday, never.gets.old.

The first night we got it i had trouble finding our little ones heartbeat.

But upon researching the best ways to do it I realized I was doing it like I had seen in the movies, ie:moving it around in large circles waiting for the familiar, "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh".

Once I learned the best way (thank you you.tu.be!), it popped up immediately.

150-160 BPM of pure bliss.

Every time I smile like a crazy fool and sit there in awe that there's a little one just nestled inside my womb.

My once empty womb.

I cannot believe this is happening...

Thank you Jesus for this amazing gift of life.




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