Just a weird cycle

Bfn.
Shocking?
Not so much!
A little bit of hope right before the "not pregnant" happened?
Always.

I will admit, I didn't even consider testing because there were very few signs (practically none) that led me to thinking I could be pregnant, but I wanted to follow the advice of y'all, and I do not regret it.

It's always good to cross things off the list and come up with a definite conclusion...

And my definite conclusion is weird, weird cycle-my progesterone must be really low.

I'm so excited to start taking steps (bring on the medicineshotssonograms!!) to regulating these wonky hormones of mine!


“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Weird cycle

So, on April 25, I was on CD26 and I saw some fertile cm...but with it so late in my cycle, I didn't think much of it because I usually have a cycle ranging from 32-36 days long (yay pcos).

And then this past Thursday, I started cramping a little and had VL spotting, but not red...more of a pinkish color.

Then I thought it meant my period would start Friday but it didn't, just very light spotting, maybe only a handful of times throughout the day and literally only a spot or so.

Then the same thing yesterday except way less... I maybe only noticed it twice and it was the same light pinkish color.

And today I've noticed it only once.

It's quite frustrating because 1)this is turning out to be the longest cycle ever 2)I've never spotted like this with the anything other than red, that almost immediately followed with my period starting 3)why was the only time I saw some fertile cm this cycle, so late in the cycle 4)is my body quitting with the one thing that it was doing somewhat "normal"..ie:having a regular cycle each month?

I guess my surgery was almost 2 years ago, and although having regular periods was a huge plus from that surgery, maybe it's been too long and the effects from it are wearing off.

So, here I sit on cd37...wondering what the heck my body is doing...and thinking that working with dr. H in Omaha couldn't get here fast enough.

Oh wonky body/ovaries/cycle/hormones...





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Distractions

After my big FB post, and lots of great encouragement, I went to bed last night feeling good.

But then I woke up this morning with a small panic attack...remembering what I did.

Like all those not so great feelings, that I got right after I posted yesterday, came rushing back.

Regret was even creeping in my mind at that point.

But, then I said a prayer and brushed it off my mind, trying only to focus on the good that came from it because really, aside from potentially "outing us" there has only been positive.

However, I still needed distractions, so here's a few things that helped me along the way today/tonight:

-working out extra hard on our elliptical while being distracted by grey's anatomy (yes, I still watch that show!!).

-realizing that I would love to have some killer abs and am thinking about ordering this:

Just kidding!! Well...maybe. ;)

-Shopping at old navy! I hit the jack pot, with an extra 40% off redline clearance items. Here's the tags of some of my loot and one of the sweaters I got:






Oh how I love a good deal!!

-Do I really need to explain this picture?



-And lastly, we heard some really good news regarding a position my dh interviewed for...I'll update once it's more than unofficially official. Just know I am beyond proud of him!!

So, all in all my distractions worked and as this day is closing to an end, I am 100% confident in my FB post!

"Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right." [Henry Ford]

I did it.

My FB status today:

With much encouragement from my dh and all y'all-I did it!!

I actually went to write a status and was going to ask my dh whether he thought it sounded ok but then, I said a quick hail Mary and pressed submit.

Then my palms got sweaty.
And my hands started shaking.
And there was a lump in my throat.
And butterflies in my stomach.
And I felt like I had just taken at least 5 espresso shots.

It's absolutely unbelievable how difficult it was for me to simply post on my FB, but I wanted to bring awareness.

Even if that meant "outing" us.

It's sad that there are so many of us, terrified of sharing such a big part of our lives.

Yes, it is intimate and a very private, painful cross.

But, as most of us know...the talking and the "venting" (hello blogging!!!) is what has shown us that we are not alone.

Not going to lie, it still feels very weird to think about me posting, but I'm glad because I've gotten nothing but words of encouragement.

My big brother (just one example of many encouraging messages!!) even called me when he saw that and said, "I read that and couldn't help but think about how much courage you had to have to write that!" And, even though he has no clue the pain that's associated with IF (thankfully) it meant so much that he recognized the courage needed to speak out.

Phew...so, yes ladies, I did it.
And I lived to tell about it! ;)

“If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.” [John Maxwell]

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Advice needed for National Infertility Awareness Week

Tonight, as I informed my husband that it was National Infertility Awareness Week, he old me to "just post something on FB about it, to make others more aware."

My heart of course skipped a beat because I said, "umm...doesn't that officially 'out' us to everyone in the FB world?!"

But then I thought more and well, I think I would be okay with posting something because people need to be more aware of IF...and that's what this week is for after all, right?

So, even though there are many that know we are struggling, many more have.no.clue.

I don't feel comfortable writing a personal tidbit about it, more just a "hey guys, be aware!!!" and so I think I want to.

And if someone asks questions or realizes there's another person going through what they are...well then, thats even better.

So are there any articles that y'all have seen on FB or anywhere really, that would be a good thing to post?

Let me know and I'll let y'all know if I actually go through with it...

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." [Winston Churchill]
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

YAAAAAY!!!! :):):)

Celebrating the little things...like this letter letting us know that the ball is definitely rolling now!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The baby [in the belly] whisperer

Today I babysat for the family I've been nannying for.

Except normally, I'm only watching the 4 month old because the 2.5 year old is in daycare.

Anyways, the sweet little blonde hair, blue eyed, very articulate little one asks to sit in my lap.

She's precious so of course I agree.

As she's laying there rubbing her eyes, getting ready for nap time, she looks up at me and goes, "you have a babeee in your tumeee!!"

Literally I start to think: well I would love to have a baby in my tummy but unfortunately with pcos i don't ovulate and I haven't noticed any ovulation signs this month anyway so she must be talking about my belly but that's odd because I've lost weight and my stomach is actually less fluffy so what does that mean oh my goodness maybe she knows something I don't know oh my goodness God is this a sign??!!!

Real rational of me, I know.
So I proceed to tell this baby [in the tummy] predictor/whisperer of a two year old that, "oh, I wish!!" and then I hug her and tell her it's almost time for nap.

Then she looks straight at my girls, lifts her previous hand and pushes the left one and says, "Babee in your tumee!! Let me seeee!!" which then follows with her attempting to reach down my shirt.

Finally I get it, her sweet mom is teeny tiny and has no chest at.all except for when she had the littlest one, just a few short months ago.

Ergo, big boob.ies=baby in the tummy.

I laughed and then rolled my eyes at the silliness I call my thoughts and irrational IF thought process.

Yeah, this is my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm crazy.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone