God, I trust your timing...

...but, that doesn't mean I don't question it from time to time.

Like now, CD1.

Two days early.

The same day we are heading to my nephew's birthday party.

With my SIL's family who pop out kids like there's no tomorrow and talk about babies just as much.

And it'll be the first time to see my SIL and brother since they announced baby number two.

And I'm on my period.

Two freaking days early.

It didn't even cross my mind that these two events might coincide because I wasn't suppose to start for two more days.

Why oh why, would it come early when it never comes early?

Oh well...even though I'm questioning the timing of this AF arrival I'm still doing pretty good and the emotions are still in check, so that's good.

And also, this goes out in the mail today...so I guess the timing is sorta perfect:


There's no going back now...

"Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use." [Earl Nightingale]


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DIY: Birthday gifts

This Saturday, we are heading down south to celebrate my nephew's 1st birthday.

Didn't we just find out they were pregnant with him?

And now, to think, they have another one on the way...

Time sure flies!

I guess I'm most thankful that his birthday will be celebrated at a time when I'm emotionally good.

It may sound selfish, but if this party was a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be able to go.

Like I said, I'm thankful everything is happening the way it is because I can't wait to celebrate this little one's first year.

I remember when I found out what they were having and especially, the beautiful God-cidence with his name!

This little one has definitely brought much joy to our family.

Anyways, onto the birthday gifts. Since he's only one I knew I could basically give him anything as long as it was in a bag with colorful tissue paper! ;)

So for this year, I wanted to make him something 1)because it's extra special that way 2)it's a good de-stressor for me!

For the first gift, I had seen the idea on lots of Catholic blogs-the little wooden, saint dolls. So, I texted my SIL and asked her what were their families top favorite saints and she responded with:


And to be honest, I was nervous once I actually got started because I wasn't so sure if they would look even remotely like the saints (hence the whole writing the names on the bottom!!) but I decided to just go with it and here's the final product:



Also, I bought this little stool a few weeks back, for a couple dollars, and decided to paint it for him:



I got the whole alphabet/name thing from a print I found on pinterest forever ago.

All in all, I'm happy with how everything turned out and am looking forward to celebrating the first year of little man's life!

AAAnd my husband, who is always missing out on celebrations because of his work schedule, will get to go!! Wahoo!

"Like branches on a tree, our lives may grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one."

Organization and that peaceful feeling.

I mentioned awhile back that, during this Lenten season, I was going to try my best to get better organized around our home and I suppose I'm doing ok...but not really great.

I did start in full force with the kitchen but sadly, between my busy schedule and little vacation to Maryland, I haven't done too much else.

The only other real organizing I did was for my jewelry-my really expensive, plastic forever 21 jewelry, please don't judge!-which was scattered in too many places:












Needless to say, with it being spread out all over the place, half the stuff I forgot I even had!

I wanted to organize using things I had already and so I found some old picture frames, mesh fabric, craft paper, old perfume bottles (i knew I saved those for a reason) and twine. Other than that, the only other thing I had to buy was little sticks.

Here's the after:










I love being able to go to the cabinet in the bathroom, open the door and see everything all at once!

Anyways, I guess another reason I wasn't as gung-ho about the whole organizing thing, aside from being busy, was that I was in such a sad, not so bright and happy place at the beginning of Lent. And we all know how hard it can be to get your butt into gear when you are feeling down...

However, thankfully and by the grace of God and a special saint (Saint Gerard!), I've been feeling so wonderful lately. Wonderful, hopeful and full of faith in God.

It's been so amazing to feel truly happy again and I'm not crazy in thinking that I will always feel this great, but for now I'm embracing it and thanking God.

I'm really trying to cherish these moments and bottle them up because I know that I will most likely be in a not so great place at some other point and am realizing that i will need to pull from that happiness/hopefulness/faithfulness jar!!

Anyways, although I'm not quite as organized around the home as I would like to be, I feel like my soul and heart and mind are far more organized right now then they were back at the beginning of Lent....and that brings me more comfort than that silly to do list.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” [Marcel Proust]

Would y'all do me a favor?

Because y'all are awesome and offer the best advice and give the best prayers, I wanted to ask if y'all wouldn't mind moseying over to my SIL's blog and reading about their TTC history and possibly helping out with any advice.

I've said it before, but I so hate that they have joined us in this "club" because my as much as it hurts to hear of anyone suffering with IF, hearing about family is even more difficult.

So, if y'all wouldn't mind offering some advice and if not that, a prayer goes a long way also.

I hope everyone has a great Sunday!!

Ps-Mad Men starts tonight...yay!!!!!


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You'll never ever guess where I was at 11:59 last night.

Here's a hint.

Here's the shirt I may or may not have worn:


Which by the way, when I got home and showed my husband he just chuckled at me and then did the next normal thing, updated his status to say:

"My wife just got home with a Hunger Games t-shirt to wear to the premier tonight. It seems I have married a 12 year old trapped inside a sexy 28 year old's body!"

I told him it wasn't fair for him to talk about me on FB because I couldn't defend myself since I gave it up for Lent! ;)

And because in sure y'all want proof of my big night, here's the ticket stub:


Yes, I was that girl who was way excited about going to see The Hunger Games movie because I just loved the books!

I went last night with my brother and my SIL and it was quite awesome.

A funny thing that happened last night was that, since there was so much time between the movie starting (it was like 10:30 when we were seated), they were playing little games and doing trivia for prizes. Everyone was given a ticket simply for being there and so, me not being all aggressive and persistent in winning more tickets (umm-I mean those teeny boppers take this really seriously!;) ) I had just the one ticket.

After awhile I decide to go and get popcorn before the movie starts and grab my ticket, my brother and SIL's tickets also, to drop in the bucket.

**wow...sorry this story is so long...please don't judge my teeny bopper ways! ;)

Well, clever ol' me forgot to keep one of tickets so that I knew what my number was. Needless to say, when I got back to our seats I was a wee bit bummed but then told them that I really didn't have any real chances to win anyway because it was just one ticket. But then my brother and SIL so smartly reminded me that Prim only had her name in once for the reaping and her name was drawn.

** If you're lost, go read the books! They are AMAZING.

So, I decide to go and tell the girl what happened and she gave me not one but two more tickets.

I still thought nothing of it but low and behold, among the hundreds of people in the theatre, the last ticket drawn was mine!!

It was a framed movie poster.

I was excited to win, but was like, "umm...what the heck am I going to do with this?!"

I decided that later when I got home I would, jokingly hang it above my bed because I know it would make my dh think I was even crazier than he originally thought.

Instead, it was nearing 3 am and I couldn't find nails and had to be up at 6:50 to nanny, so I just put it on our mantle.

Here it is in all it's glory:


It's HUGE!! Lol!!! And quite tacky! It felt like a dorm room of sorts! My dh told me we would not be keeping that there and then laughed at me!!

Anyways, all in all it was a great night with family, I enjoyed the movie and was shocked to win anything because I never win anything...

Who knows, maybe my luck's turned around and good things are coming...just like my fortune cookie from last week told me:



Here's hoping that this fortune comes true, sooner than later, but that it wasn't about the poster...maybe about another gift we have been hoping and praying for for over 4 years now!

Hey, a girl can dream.
And this girl will always dream.

"May the odds be ever in your favor!" [The Hunger Games]

Ugh.

I so just typed out a long post with lots of updates and when I clicked over on something else...it erased!!!

So, in a nutshell here's what I said:

-I started Bikram's yoga-hello $20 groupon deal (it's normally $250+) and I like it. It's not only helping me not be so pudgy (I'm hoping sooner than later!) but it's de-stressing also!

-I'm waiting patiently for my last set of medical records to get to me and then I can finally send off my packet to Omaha. I'm nervous but ready to start this process because I really, really want to meet our Samuel Gerard. ;)

-I love the weather-Blue bonnets sprouting up everywhere, the windows down and awesome breeze!

-my mood lately has been 90% happy/10% not so much, verses the last couple months where those numbers were flipped.

Thank you Jesus!
And prayer buddy, I'm sure.

-And just because...check out my Easter dress:


It was $18 dollars at Wallymart!! I'm going to pair it with teal accents because I'm so loving the coral/teal combos this spring.

-And lastly, because this made me laugh, I will post a random picture of my latest goog.le searches:


Im posting it because I laughed out loud when it showed the top one...which really says SHAMPOO but it was long so only the poo part showed...haha, "best smelling poo for women!!" But yes, I did goo.gle "best smelling shampoo for women" when I was in Target today, I love me some good smelling shampoo and I wanted to see what others had to say!

*Side note, don't judge about the jersey shore look ups...I was trying to follow up with an article I read on my People app! ;)

Anyways, that's what's been going on with me lately. Sorry this post is random and choppy, like I said though, I had a long cohesive post typed up but it disappeared!!

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” [Robert Brault]

I'm certainly not going to get pinched today!

Four leaf clover!!!



"For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day."

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Cd16

Was two days ago and was also the first time I noticed anything worthwhile (yay charting).

Of course I was excited, because even though I have PCOS and need doctors to help regulate my hormones, and we are taking months "off" from seeing anyone, it's still nice to see something.

Unlike last month, in which i saw nothing.at.all. It seems that I'm an every other month kind of gal. Whatever that means! Because we all know with PCOS the odds of you ovulating on your own are slim to nothing.

But still, seeing something and feeling slight twinges in my right ovary (always just the right...come on left ovary, your sister seems to be doing all the work) always brings about a little hope.

And since I've been feeling rather down the last couple months, I rejoice at this moment.

God is a God of miracles and just because we are going on almost 5 years of marriage and no pregnancies, and we are in the process of working with Doctor Hilgers so we aren't seeing anyone right now to help with my wonky ovaries or hormones, well...who's to say its a completely lost cause?!

To some I may sound crazy.
But holding onto that hope and my faith keeps me from going crazy!!

Hope+faith=not going crazy.

It's just so weird though, that if I see anything or notice any signs of alleged ovulation, it's every other month.

Anyone else experience this or know of someone that has?

"Hope... is the companion of power, and the mother of success; for who so hopes has within him the gift of miracles." [Samuel Smiles]

St. Gerard, pray for us.

A reminder.

This was my view yesterday.



Beautiful.

So, I added a little phrase to my photo and now...

I have a great reminder staring me in the face (I set it as my phone background.)


"Faith in God includes faith in His timing." [Neal Maxwell]

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Samuel Gerard

That's the name that we gave our sweet little new born son....

In my dreams, last night.

Oh what a joyful, amazing and wonderful dream.

Samuel isn't even one of the first two boy names that we have discussed.

It sure fit with the sweet, dark haired, little one though.

Oh what a glorious dream.

It was the first time I've ever 1)dreamt of a boy (only two other times I've dreamt of babies, it was girls) 2)so vividly remembered actually naming the sweet one of my dreams.

Apparently, in my dream, I didn't even realize I was pregnant.

But then I found out.

And was over filled with happiness.

And then, some dream time later, I gave birth to him.

Samuel Gerard.

He was handsome.

When I woke up from my dream, I was missing that little, in my dream but still my newborn, baby.

I tried to go back asleep but of course that didn't work and instead I was dreaming of cupcakes.

Oh well.

I'm thankful for that dream because it was a brief moment away from some of the not so wonderful feelings and anxieties that I've been feeling lately.

I do love dreaming.

Especially when it's about something so wonderful and something that rarely makes an appearance in my dreams.

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." [Walt Disney]

Tripping over pebbles

I'm so fragile with my emotions lately.

One minute I'm feeling great and having a blast with family...

The next minute I'm hearing that my brother and SIL are already FB official with their big news, and feeling oh so sad and down.

One minute I'm enjoying and savoring those delicious cupcakes and family dinners around the table...

The next minute I'm in tears because I feel so very alone in this IF journey when it comes to my family. (not talking about my husband here, he's been my rock and is amazing)

One minute I'm cracking up over the silly things my nephews say...

The next minute I'm fighting back tears because my MIL and SIL can't seem to stop taking about babies and mommy hood.

One minute I'm jumping for joy because my old doctor, who did my surgery a year and a half ago and is now retired thus making it hard to obtain old records, finally is mailing those records to me. The LAST piece of my packet to send to Omaha...

The next minute I feel like a bolder is on my chest and there is a pit in my stomach because I still haven't called my brother to congratulate him (I did respond to their text with the big brother picture though). I feel so hurt by their insensitivity and saddened that we are so far from making our own special announcement.

One minute I'm counting my blessings and cherishing these previous moments with loved ones...

The next I'm trying everything in my power to fight off the bitterness, sadness, and hurt that comes along with struggling with fertility.

It's so emotionally exhausting.

I feel like I'm tripping and falling and failing so much lately.

But, in my tears and pain, I still have my faith in Him and His will for my life. As hard as that can be, i have to because I can only imagine the kind of person I would be without it.

"Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." [Author Unknown]

It helps.

Today we went into D.C. to try out these amazing [alleged] cupcakes from D.C Cupcakes...
And they did NOT disappoint.




Amazing.
Food crack.




Salted caramel.
Fudge peanut butter.
Oh my.




I'm fairly certain they would help with any crummy day.
Now, I just wish we had one in TX....

[Ladies, words cannot express how much your kind words and support helped me out the other day. I was feeling so sad and rather alone and yet again, y'all have helped me out! Thank you!!]

For now, we are off to visit the Basilica, I'll let y'all know how that goes later!

Do y'all remember?

Do y'all remember this post? The one were I talked about how I handled finding out my big brother and SIL were pregnant a month after they got married?

Do y'all remember me taking about how great I handled it? And how I was truly excited for them?

And I was happy?

Well...today, my brother texted me a sweet picture of my nephew.

Who will be one at the end of this month.

Who is so stinkin' adorable it's not even funny.

Oh, and he was wearing a big brother shirt.

...

This time around I'm not handling it as well.

It sucks being on vacation, away from my dh, on my period and hearing this.

I want to so badly to just.be.happy for them.

I want to celebrate.

I want to call and share my well wishes.

But instead, the ugliness that is IF has me hiding in the bathroom in tears and hurting.

I was healing.

I was feeling so much better.

My crappy month was behind me.

And here I am handling this so poorly.

And with so many stupid, stupid tears...

I hate that.

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I'm leaving on a jet plane..

...don't know when I'll be back again.

Well, actually, it's just a regular plane.

And I'll be back next Thursday.

So basically ignore the title! ;)

I'm off with my MIL to head to Baltimore to visit family-it's my nephew/godson's 4th birthday!!

I'm looking forward to getting away for the week and am really hoping we will make it to the Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. We went there last time I was there but since it was during the March for Life, it was way busy and rushed.

Anyways, I may or may not be blogging, we shall see. I just wanted to give a heads up!


(found on pint.erest a few weeks ago)

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