SIL update and a thanks...

Sorry I haven't really updated since my last post-especially since I was begging for prayers.  First off, I am so thankful for each of y'all that took time to pray and who continue to pray for my sister in law, K.  It's hard to believe that it's been over 3 weeks since this whole ordeal started.

The most recent updates in regard to everything is that she was moved from the critical care unit, a few days ago, to the stroke unit floor and will hopefully be moved to rehab sometimes this week or at least very soon.  She has no movement on her left side still, is thankfully able to communicate, the clots are going away with the help of medicine, our little nephew is thriving and doing incredible despite all that his mama had endured/is enduring, she will have the right part of her skull off, most likely, until after L's delivery (in July), and she was able to get the feeding tube removed a few days ago also because she is finally able to eat on her own.  She could be in the hospital for another 2 months...or more or less, it just depends on how everything goes.  We've learned very early on this is a day to day process. 

My brother and her and clinging to their faith and hoping and praying that she will be able to regain movement on her left side again-hopefully rehab will get that ball rolling.  So our prayers are definitely for function to her left side and their spiritual/emotional/mental strength throughout all this.  My brother continues to tell me that the night time is the hardest time...things slow down, not as many visitors, and of course you can very easily get lost in your thoughts.  He said it's a night that K will have her moments of sadness and worry for what the future might hold.  I can't even begin to imagine what goes through her mind then.  All that and then of course missing her two other little ones at home...she's one tough lady though and so we will continue to pray that she is able to remain positive.

It really all seems like a bad dream that has occurred.  I don't know how many countless times I have shared the story and every time I begin, "K had a massive stroke...she's pregnant....only 24....had to have a crantinomy....etc..." I feel like I am just reading some bad story about someone else.  But, it's not a dream, nor a story I am reading of someone else's family.  It's my brother and his sweet wife's story.  It's her family's story and it's our family's story.  And because of it I know that we are drawing closer to our Lord and clinging to our faith more than ever before.  Good is and will continue to come from this situation.

I have been able to go down a couple times and am so thankful that I will be able to go down again later this week.  It's hard to be 5 hours away when all you want is to be there for support and help out in any way...but our thoughts and prayers are always with them.

Once again, I apologize for begging for the prayers and then not updating...but like I said, the prayers are greatly appreciated!  My brother said that both he and my SIL talk about how incredible the power of prayer has been with keeping them going during this dark time for them.  Prayer is powerful indeed!

What a Lenten season this has been-one none of us will surely forget.  We are constantly being reminded of offering up our suffering for Him...which, although hard and difficult at times, is so small compared to the suffering He endured for all of us.  God truly loves us, and although there are times that the suffering we endure seem almost unbearable, like a weight upon our chests, we cannot forget to keep our eyes on Him, trust in Him and remember that He is a God of goodness and mercy.  Good will come from the suffering, we just have to remember to trust...even if we don't understand...we must trust and we must have faith. 


"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." [Hebrews 11:1]

Begging for prayers....***update and ****another update

I am begging for prayers today.

My older brother called this morning and said that my SIL, who is about 24 weeks pregnant with our sweet Nephew, suffered a stroke this morning. She's in the critical care unit and may be transferred to a bigger hospital with a higher level unit.

We are all so scared and begging God to watch over her and our nephew.

They have 2 other little ones at home, D who is almost 3 and L who is 1.5. 

Thank you ahead of time for the prayers....

****

Update from my brother this morning:

"MRA showed more bleeding and swelling. Possible surgery this morning to reduce swelling if blood work looks good."

Please, please keep praying.... 

******

She's out of surgery and everything went very well. She's still incubated but is doing well with her breathing and won't need that hopefully too much longer they said. Also, 

They just got the results back from her first scan post surgery and there is already decompression and the swelling is going down and nowhere near the brain stem. She was able to squeeze matts hand on command which they were looking for function to be like before her surgery. Obviously a very very long road and so many unknowns but we are stepping back and counting our blessings for the now and for all the good that  has occurred today. One thing at a time. One moment at a time.  And little Leander is doing well-healthy and doing amazing considering everything mama is going through. 

Pregnancy, Progesterone and PCOS

Well, here I am.
Currently 14.4 weeks pregnant with number 2.

Still in awe that we are here again so soon and still so thankful.

I realized that I announced and then sort of dropped off the face of the earth.  I, like so many others, have every intention of blogging more often but then things get busy, or I worry my posts will be boring and well...then I don't blog and find myself months after my last post.

I'd promise that I will work on that, but to be honest...who the heck knows.

I did want to do a follow up from my previous "announcement" post though, to talk about my progesterone throughout this pregnancy in hopes that I am able to give someone out there who suffers with PCOS or crappy progesterone hope. 

Because sometimes that hope is all that keeps us going when the going gets so hard.

My progesterone this time around has not been great, just like with my first.  I had mentioned before that I really thought that since it was "easier" for us to conceive this time around that maybe my body would know what to do.  Well, I'm grateful my body knew to ovulate (heck, possible only 2 times in our nearly 7 years of marriage...but I'll take it!) this time around, and so soon after the last time but one thing I've learned...progesterone and me don't jive.  My body does not and may never be good at producing it's own progesterone.

I just remember being told so many times that with my numbers under 10, there was no way I ovulated and then of course I wouldn't test because, well...if a doctor tells you you didn't ovulate you trust them.   But now, I see that the two times that I miraculously tested positive, my progesterone results following the BFP were a little over 6 and a little over 9.  I think about if it had been a month that I was simply having blood work done I would have most likely been told that I had not ovulated and would have waited for my period to start...or in those cases, most likely miscarried.  I don't want to think about if that was something that could have happened in the past...it's would hurt I think to think about it too long and too hard about possibly losing babies because I wasn't proactive or simply because I trusted my doctor...so I will not go there.

All I know now is that I have for sure ovulated twice and by the grace of God, am being monitored  by the PPVI institute in Omaha.  

My numbers so far have not left me feeling at ease by any means, but since I'm being monitored so closely and am on the PIO injections and oh so fun suppositories, I am able to let go and trust a lot more.

Here's my progesterone numbers so far:
4.5 weeks: 9.34
7 weeks: 18.53
9 weeks: 16.5
11 weeks: 15.8
13 weeks: 32.3

I'm not going to lie...the weeks where it dropped two times my heart sank...I was so worried that it was going down (and that it was so low!) but the nurses at PPVI reassured me that I was ok.  I was SOOO thankful though when I got the call with my new results at 13 weeks...it went up and more than doubled!  I definitely shed some tears of joy at that point.

I hope that others reading this see that with really crappy progesterone, as long as you are closely monitored, there is hope.  I was telling a girlfriend who struggles with miscarriage (who I have working with the PPVI institute to monitor her now!!!!) that when we get our results back, if the HCG isn't doubling or if it's dropping, there's nothing we can do...but if our progesterone is crummy, we are able to do something.  There is hope.

I just remember back to struggling and month after month getting back my progesterone results, comparing them to other bloggers or other charts online and just being devastated because it seemed so hopeless.  My body seemed so broken.

I know now that's not the case.

I am still amazed that after hearing so many people tell me when I was pregnant with F that "oh you just wait and see, I hear that once you get pregnant after struggling, your body sorta knows how to work and you will be having babies after that with not problems!"

I always got a pit in my stomach hearing this because I didn't know.  All I knew was that I had F and she could have very well been our one and only.  

But somehow, it seems that my body did learn something from that time around.  I'm by no means saying that every woman that struggles with PCOS and gets pregnant one time will have no issues getting pregnant again, but for me...the pregnancy with F definitely seemed to help.

Just not with my progesterone.
That's something I will always struggle with and I'm ok with that because I'm in such good hands with the PPVI.

Any other notes about the pregnancy?
-Well, it's been night and day from F.  With her I was sick occasionally and with this one I was sick constantly throughout the first trimester and now I'll have random bouts of sickness.  It could mean that its a different sex or it could mean that I'm just busier this time around with little miss.
-I have had two ultrasounds so far: one at 6 weeks where we saw the little apple seed and then the tiniest little flicker of a heartbeat.  Simply amazed at something so tiny.  Then I had another appt at 10 weeks and we were able to see little arms and legs and movement, which pretty much took my breath away.
-I heard the heartbeat at 9.2 weeks and that's a sound that is up there on my favorite sounds of all times.
-In about a week and a half we will find out who this little one is...some days I think boy some days I think girl. Either way we will be excited.

And that about sums it up...this post has turned out to be waaaay longer than I anticipated, I guess I really needed to get a lot out!  I don't comment very often but pray daily for all you ladies-especially those still deep in the throws of IF.

Like I said, I wont promise that I will post more but I will at least say I will TRY and post more!  

"Wherever you are, be all there." [J.Elliot]
 

Nearly 60 cycles to conceive our first and now...

...only 2 cycles postpartum and we got a big surprise on January 3rd.

A BFP.

Yes, that's right, I was only on my second cycle since I had F and was most definitely not expecting it.

The thing that's crazy is that I don't know how many people would ask us when we were going to try again or if we were going to do anything to prevent. I would always try not to roll my eyes and simply state that since it took nearly 5 years with F we would always be open because 1)we weren't sure how long it would/could take and 2)we weren't sure if we could ever get pregnant again.

But somehow here we are again.
I feel so humbled and tremendously grateful that we are entrusted another precious soul.

My heart is racing with excitement simply by typing this out....

Back to when we found out: after I got the BFP I rushed to my ob and had blood drawn right away (4.4 weeks) and anxiously awaited the results over the weekend. Part of me thought that since it was "easier" to get pregnant this time that surely my body had a good idea of what it was doing and surely my progesterone wouldn't be crummy like with F (6.2).

Monday rolled around and I got my results...hcg:450 and prog:9.34. So my whole thought that my body would work a little better this time around, in regards to progesterone, not so much. My current doctor is amazing and I love her, however, she only does oral progesterone support and I don't tend to respond to that. She did however encourage me to, "work with the other doctor that gave me the injections last time." So as much as it sucked that she doesn't do the PIO injections, I guess I'm grateful she at least supports me working with another doctor. My prayers is that one day all doctors will understand the importance of proper progesterone support throughout pregnancy.

I contacted PPVI and updated my info and as of last Friday have been taking the PIO injections twice a week along with progesterone pills (oral and suppository). I still haven't gotten a second draw because (the lab I worked with in the past that allows me to ship) the doctor was away on vacation. Hoping for that to happen next week.

And I suppose that brings us to today. Our first appointment. I felt so calm and at peace about everything, yet mixed with moments of panic and shock that we were back on this adventure yet again.

We had our first ultrasound and we saw, and fell in love with, the tiniest little heartbeat (6.3weeks) and thankfully measured perfectly. On our way home I captured this photo of little miss holding our first of official photo of Baby H#2:

It definitely doesn't feel real (despite seeing the heartbeat, feeling nauseous most the day and extreme tiredness!!) and most likely won't for a long time.

I debated even blogging about this because I know so many beautiful women are still in the middle of their own IF journeys and I remember how painful it was to hear about announcements but...after praying about it I realized I wanted to share because my hope is that it gives another gal out there with PCOS hope that it helps a women struggling with low progesterone realize that there is hope. I remember feeling so lost and hopeless at times when I would get my progesterone checked, while taking medicine, and hear that, "it's too low, there's no way you could have ovulated." My body simply doesn't make progesterone but somehow by the grace of God I've conceived not once...but now twice.

Like I said before I feel so humbled to be here again. My husband feels the same. We were/are still beautifully and wonderfully shocked.

I'd appreciate any prayers for this little one...who's due date is 9/8/14 (the Blessed Mother's birthday, so beautiful!). And please know that y'all are in my prayers constantly as well.

"She holds onto hope and He is forever faithful." [1Corinthians 1:9]

I still got it....

Today I went to the gym.
The same gym we have been paying for for way too long and yet...not really using.

When we first signed up I was going 3xs a week and then life got in the way..

But, after not using this "product" that we were dishing out money for, I decided enough is enough with 1)feeling down about my weight and 2)paying for something we weren't using.

Today was technically day 2 after many weeks of being away...and well, it took all of 10 seconds for a super buff, workout guy to approach me while I walked the treadmill.

He noticed my shirt (Go Aggies) and asked if I went to school there (been there done that, class of '06 whoop) and then he talked about  him growing up in College Station. He then asked what I  got my degree in (English, certified to teach) and told me how awesome that was and rambled on about the importance of English degrees and teachers and this and that.  He asked the stereotypical, "you come here often" (not so much, can you not tell by the sweat building up from my simply walking this treadmill?!) and  other random things.

But then...when he asked what I do now and I said, "stay home with my 10 month old..." He looked at me sorta awkwardly and said, "oh, cool....so nice talking with you."  And then left.

Hmmm...guess he wasn't looking for a stay at home mom/homemaker.

Oh...and the kicker?

He was at least 70-80 years old!!!!

Super buff? Yes!
Talked like a young'en trying  to pick up a gal? Yes!
A man old enough to be my Gp? Oh most definitely!
Liked that I was a SAHM/homemaker? Totally not his cup of tea!

Regardless of his age...I think that this means I still got it, right? ;)

Be still my heart.

This week has been a little tough.
But then, this morning I capture this moment...

Oh so blessed.

Tonight...

Tonight I was having a, "is she really ours?!" kinda night.

To be honest, there are a lot of days spent just getting through them and hoping everything goes smoothly. Even though my daily prayer is to cherish each day and moment because my goodness, it's all happening way too fast.

I'm 100% a "cherish every moment" kinda gal' and so even though that doesn't happen every day, I still most definitely try....

But really, is she really ours?! Some days it doesn't feel real...

"What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh.”

Building up her immune system/9 months

She thought she was hilarious!!  Every time she would do this we would stop her and of course that made a game of it! Oh well...you can't win 'em all, right? ;)

How is she already 9 months old?! Out longer than in! Oh my how I wish I could find a way to make time slow down, if only for a bit...


"You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they'll be a little older then they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay Attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today, it will be over before you know it. " [Jen Hatmaker]

When the old feelings creep back in....way sooner than anticipated.

When we found out we were expecting, my heart was so full of joy and fear all mixed together. After so many years of my body failing me I had such a hard time grasping the fact that we were truly pregnant. However, as the pregnancy progressed the fear started to slip away and the anxiety that had hung around for so many years started to disappear.  That heavy bolder that rested on my chest for the years we struggled was gone and I was able to enjoy being pregnant and I was able to joyfully anticipate our little miracle.

Now that Faith is 9 months I will be honest and say I haven't felt the old stings of IF really.  Sure, I have fears and anxieties, just that they are different than before. 

But then tonight...it happened, like a swift kick to the gut...a lump formed in my throat and I felt that heaviness on my chest...all over a pregnancy announcement.

One stinking pregnancy annoucement and my insides started shaking and I felt as though I was right back to where we were before we found out we were expecting....

Except, I am no where near that.
Not even close.

My heart is full and my days busy with this sweet little one I get to call my daughter.  She keeps me on my toes and has brought me to tears from frustration/not knowing what I'm doing and she has brought me to my knees in laughter.  

I am her mom...a mom....I am a mother and so hearing of a pregnancy announcement this soon (she's almost 9 months) with those reactions has me startled.

I never anticipated that the those not so pretty sides of waiting would come sneaking back so soon but here I am...trying my very best to shake those not so great feelings.

The crazy thing?  I know SO many people who are pregnant right now so this shouldn't sting...but it does.

A little background to why this announcement stung a bit more than normal: my husband works for a specialty unit within the police department and they are a small, close knit group of guys.  Of the guys in the unit, all have children and as of today all but 2 are pregnant.  Yup, that's what got me....everyone in my husband's unit seem to be getting pregnant and the joke is that there's something in the water causing this!  The thing is is that everyone pregnant now is pregnant with #2 or #3 and their first are barely a year old...so these guys move fast it seems!  My husband said all the guys joke that we are next and so is "so and so" because well, "there's something in the water."

Umm...that would be great if I could simply have some of that water but I am pretty certain that numerous times I "drank" whatever that person was drinking (ie:lots of water, this type of meds, yoga, this "position", etc...) in those 5 years trying to achieve pregnancy but it didn't quite work like that.

I'm rambling, I know...it's just one of those times where all you need to do is type and not really think about it.

So, that's what I am doing.

I really hope that this makes sense and I really hope that those that are still waiting can understand that I am not complaining that I am not pregnant...it's just so hard that these feelings are back already.

I am not ready to have to fight off these feelings.
I am not ready for the bolder to be back on my chest every time I hear of another pregnancy.
I am not ready for people to ask us when we will have our next and me freak out praying and hoping and begging that we are able to conceive again.

I am not ready but for some reason those feelings are starting to surface again.

Looks like I am going to have a LOT of praying to do.  
A LOT of offering up to do. 
And a LOT of remembering to live in the now to do. 

"You don't always need a plan.  Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens." [Mandy Hale]

2 months

I can't believe it's been almost 2 month since I've last written! There's been plenty of posts floating around that I've wanted to write but I've just not made the time...or if I finally take the time, my mind draws a blank!

I do have a lot to catch up on but since that's a bit overwhelming to think about-I'll start with just a few little updates:

-My sweet little one is almost 9 months....crazy crazy to think she has almost been out longer than in! It's happening too fast...

-Speaking of happening too fast, how the heck is it November?!?!

-Not only have I been a poor blogger in regards to actually posting, I've slacked on reading and commenting....hoping to change all that!

-Today is Monday...I haven't been able to lift my baby since Friday! :/ Friday my back went out...which hasn't happened in a long time but usually some stretches are enough to fix it. Not this time. I called my husband in tears and panic because I could barely walk and worried about having to pick F up in the morning. Saturday was so bad, we went to a chiropractor (which has helped in the past also) and by Saturday night the pain was so unbearable that I couldn't even walk. My dh took me into the local er clinic and after meeting with the doctor I found out I have a pinched nerve/slipped disk. A couple shots and some meds later I'm feeling better but still not able to pick up F. My dh gas been incredible, doing it all, but I'm definitely hoping to feel better soon because he works nights (tonight actually) and of course of those we would ask for help, 2 are out of town and one is sick. We are thinking of making a pallet on the ground so that way I won't have to pick her up...I don't know, we shall see...I'm trying not to panic...prayers would be greatly appreciated.

-And so much more but I really just felt like I needed to simply start somewhere, so this is it for now!

(courtesy of Pinterest)




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A baby and her bear

When we brought F home from the hospital my Gm placed a bear in the bassinet with her. It was actually the first gift she received! Well, ever since then that bear has been in her bassinet and now with her in her crib and she snuggles with it...and it's something she must have with her or she can't sleep.

Here's just a few pictures I've taken while she's been sleeping...

And when we had her 6 month pictures taken we had to have a couple shots of her and her BFF...thanks to her Aunt E for once again capturing these precious pictures:





So when it came to her Halloween costume I was thrilled when I went to my local kid resale shop and found a bear costume:


I love that she loves that bear so! It's absolutely precious to walk in and see her snuggled with it or when I see her playing/talking to it!
Aaaand...that's all for now folks! A whole post about my sweet little one and her bear! I could have also written about her love for her lamby (paci wubbanub) but I think I'll wait on that one! ;)

"Find joy in the ordinary..."

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Come on Fall

Sure, it's still well over 90 degrees out but I'm thinking if maybe I light a Fall candle and drink an Octoberfest brew then the weather will catch a hint...

Seems simple enough!

I'm so ready for Fall... and scarves and cooler weather and tall boots and pumpkin anything and cooler weather and snuggles under blankets and cooler weather and Fall beers and did I mention cooler weather?

Ps-thanks for the congrats on my new niece/nephew that's on the way! Keep those prayers coming, please, first doctor's appointment is coming up.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

I can spill the beans because she has spilled the beans!!!

Those prayers that I asked for?
Well...they are for my baby brother and sweet SIL...THEY ARE PREGNANT!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!!!

4 years of being open to life...
3.5 years of knowing the pain of TTC....

Please oh please continue your prayers for my precious little niece/nephew!!!

Grow baby grow!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back to blogging and a prayer request....

It's been awhile since I've posted...let's just say it's been a mixture of many things (some good and some not so good) that have kept me away...but, regardless, I don't think it's a coincidence that I decided to come back today because it's today that I found out something pretty amazing-that will most definitely need lot sof prayers....

Please, if y'all get a chance, please pray for a special intention...and as soon as I can, I'll update y'all on the details! :)

Thank you SO much.

Mommyhood up to now...

I can still remember those last few weeks leading up to F's big arrival.  I wanted to meet her so badly that it seemed that each day was longer than the last, like time was going at a slow crawl.

Then her arrival and what a whirlwind of an experience.  Talk about FLYING by...there are many days I wish I could go back to those weeks leading up to her birth.  I would probably try and soak them in a bit more if I could.  But, I don't seem to have that superhero power and so I will just try to live in the moment now.

For these first 5 and half months of her life there have been so many highs and so many lows.  Many days I joke I feel like I am just as clueless as the day before.  And then I have days where I feel like I am rocking and a rolling at the whole being a mama.

All in all the first months were filled with a lot of moments/times/events that  I hadn't prepared for.  Sure there was the exhaustion, the clueless-ness, etc...but mixed in to that was also: Baby blues.  Oh baby blues...I thought surely many times that I had PPD because there were so many evenings that I would simply cry and cry and cry and look at this beautiful baby and wonder if I truly loved her enough...if I was good enough...If I would ever be ok with loosing my freedom...if she would ever love me...if my husband would love her more...if my struggle with IF was because I wasn't suppose to be a mother.  Thankfully, this only lasted a few weeks and the uncontrollable crying stopped and I realized that my hormones were messing with me oh so  badly. And then the exhaustion hit in and it was something that I had heard about but was much harder than I anticipated-something that as cliche as it sounds, I didn't quite get until I was living it myself. And there were many more things but honestly, I am sure I would sound like any other new mom out there...so I'll just stop at those.

Here I am now, with an almost 6 month old who we waited nearly 5 years for, and I am still in awe that she is my daughter.  There are many mornings where I wake up at "too early" o'clock and drag my feet into her room and pick her up and do our little morning routine all the while thinking about what I would give for just a little bit more sleep.  But then there are mornings where I wake up at the all too familiar "too early" o'clock and tip toe into her room and look at her and nearly break down in tears that she is actually ours.

Something new that has been happening lately?  She recognizes me!  There will be times when others are holding her and she sees me and whimpers...she locks eyes with me and wants only me.  And when I grab her she locks her little dimpled arms around me and kisses (okay, more like sucks but whatever) my neck and I melt...and think about how all those moments where I wasn't so sure...when I was scared...when I felt like I gave so much and got nothing in return...but then, it seems that all of a sudden...I got something back.

That little whimper for me.
That little hug.
That little slobber kiss.
That recognition that I am her mama.

So worth the wait...the wait through the difficult first few months...through the difficult moments even now.

Worth the wait just like she was worth the wait through all those months of BFNs, injections, medicines, crazy hormones, feeling left out...

It's all worth it.
So very worth it.

(Here's a new trick of Faith's...her little ham it up smile! Thank you Aunt E for capturing this one!)

"Make this moment count."

And the winner is...

I did a random number generator thing I found online and the magic number was...

Commenter #12...January @ Women for All Seasons!! You were the last to comment but the first to get picked! Yay! :)

Congrats!

Email me your address and ill ship them out to you later this week!

Last chance!

If you want to win some headbands don't forget to go and Comment on my last post!!

Good luck y'all! :)

Drawing will be on Wednesday!

Giveaway: baby headbands!

Hey y'all! So I've ordered from this website called Bitsy Bands about 3 times now and every time I love the flowers and the elastic is super soft!

The best part...the price! Everything is so cheap, even with shipping, so I've been able to make F's headbands for $1.50 or less!

I got my order delivered today and was so excited to make F some new headbands-and when I got started I realized I ordered double of some of the flowers...which means I want to give away 5 headbands! The size I made (going off a chart I found online) says it should fit newborn-9 months or bigger (since its elastic).

Here's the five headbands you can winAnd just to have an idea what they look like on, I had a beautiful model to show them of offSomone is teething it seems so she's not as eager to smile for the camera! :/ Still beautiful though! :)

If anyone wants them all you have to do is comment...even if it's just a hello! I'm thinking maybe ill learn of some readers out there I didn't know about!

Like I said, I didn't need double of these so I'm giving them away-my first ever giveaway-so I am hoping at least one person wants them!

(Bitsy bands is an awesome website but are not involved in this giveaway...it's all me since I got order happy the last time!)

5 months which is almost a half of a year which means we are getting close to one!

Okay, so I am not that crazy thinking that she is almost one...but I will say that I am absolutely shocked at how quickly this time is going.

Oh how the struggle with IF had the days/weeks/months/years feeling like they were dragging by...so slowly...so painfully.

Then when I was pregnant, it seemed that some days dragged by but overall it FLEW by.

And of course, now, holding my 5 month old, I'm still in awe at just how fast it's going.

She's such a beautiful gift and I can't help but stare at her and thank the Lord for her.

One of my favorite times of the day is when I'm nursing her before laying her down for the night.  I've implemented a rule for that time: no cell phone.  I use to bring my phone into her room and browse on it while nursing her, before putting her down for the night, but then I think it just hit me...this time was precious and I was never going to be able to get it back.  So out with the phone and in with back scratches, lullabies, and prayers.

My favorite time.

Oh that and when I go and get her first thing in the morning and she gives me the biggest smile and starts kicking her legs with excitement.

My favorite time.

Oh, I also love when she puts her little arms around my neck and buries her sweet little face in my neck.

My favorite time.

Too many favorite times really.

Just trying to soak them all up.

One frustration however, is that I have some people (people who know we struggled) asking if we "plan" on having more and if so, telling us that we should wait and space them out.

*Rolls eyes.

Listen up people, something my dh and I learned a LONG time ago is that we are not in control of our fertility-God is.  Sure, if I could "plan" our next child (God willing we have another) I would love to be pregnant by the end of the year-regardless of the advice we've been given to wait and space them out.  But like I said, all we can do at this point is cherish our time with F and pray that one day we have more.  Until then though I'm going to try my best now to not dwell on the what ifs and fear of the future because nothing good comes from that.  It's hard, not going to lie, but overall I think I'm doing an ok job not worrying about what the future holds at this point-prayer has helped with that.

Anyways, these days with my now 5 month old are filled with exhaustion, laughter, blessings and lots of learning/growing moments.

So blessed to call this little 5 month old my daughter...

"Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn't change anything. All is does it steal your joy and keep you very busy doing nothing."

HB 2...

...fights for those who cannot fight for themselves.

[Just one of the many traits she's carried over from the womb].

HB 2 passed which means:

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Proud to be a Texan!!!!!!!!!!

"A person's a person no matter how small"