Weekend updates

Nothing too crazy or too exciting happened this weekend. Here's a recap of all that went on:

-Missed my husband like crazy, since he works nights (Wed-Sat). I really have trouble sleeping without him. One would think that after over 2 years of this I would have learned to deal with it...not so much. So, if you are one of those woman that have the blessing of getting to have their husbands home everynight...hold them a little extra tight tonight, kiss them one more time and ask God to help you not to take those special moments for granted. I will say, it has definitely helped me to really appreciate him being home the other three nights (it's like Christmas morning!!).

-The Rangers and the Cowboys lost. Boo.

-The Aggies won. WHOOP!

-We drove southbound 35 to pick up some old baby stuff from my SIL. Their little one is going to be 3 in January and they are not having anymore (another story for another time) and so they are giving away a lot of their old baby stuff. My MIL helps women who are in crisis pregnancies and so she is going to use some of that for those moms and then she said that her and I are going to go through the stuff, since it's REALLY nice (my SIL is the type to buy a $50 pair of shoes for a 3 month old...) and pick some stuff out that my DH and I want for our future miracles. Still holding onto that hope...

-No word back from our housing situation. We should hear back today or sometimes this week. The last bit is waiting on the bank and the VA (Veteran's affairs). Closing date, if all goes as planned, is still scheduled for the 30th of this month.

-I'll be 27 on October 2nd. Crazy, not quite where I thought I would be at that point in my life but also, feeling rather fortunate for all the amazing blessings that God has given me thus far...

-Last night we watched "Did you hear about the Morgans?"...yeah, IF was mentioned in the movie in case you hadn't seen it. During a random stay, they did it (for lack of better words!) and weren't "trying" really and SHOCKINGLY, they ended up getting pregnant. Insert sarcasm here. I SO saw that coming. I told me DH that it's amazing what happens when you stop trying and just relax...you get pregnant. Then I told him we should try that, ha. Insert more sarcasm. And I KNOW that some people do get pregnant when they stop trying, but for a lot of us that have something actually causing their infertility (PCOS for example) sometimes, it's not that simple.

-This cycle I am going to try my damnedest NOT to goo.gle or read into things. I want to offer it up. Really, REALLY offer it up. Last cycle was quite exhausting trying to read into everything.


I did this post in bullets because I knew that if I tried to write out an actual post it would be all over the place...doing it as bullets makes complete sense of the "random, jumping around-ness" ;)

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” (Albert Einstein)

Oh the anticipation....

Did she?

Didn't she?

Did she finally call and set up that appointment for the surgery next month?!?!

Ok, I don't want to leave you hanging anymore! I did call.

I was still nervous about doing it but I said a prayer, sucked it up and simply called. So yeah, I was nervous and called...was put on hold and then when I was finally connected they said they were sending me blood work that I needed to complete (no earlier than a month before the surgery) and send back in and then she would call me and set up the actual date for the surgery. So, I will do the blood work sometimes after the 1st of July and then go from there.

Wow. That wasn't a big deal AT all. I got off the phone and my hands were clammy, (yes one of those lucky women who get really sweaty when nervous, well who am I kidding, I get sweaty really easily anyways!) my heart was still racing a bit and the surgery wasn't even scheduled!

I'm glad that we are one step closer to it though. These last couple of days are just another reminder that I'm so done doing the medications each month just to be let down. This surgery will be a good thing. We have spoken to our doctor about it, we've done research and looked up testimonials online and have prayed a lot about it. It's definitely the next thing.

It's been so odd NOT taking medications these last couple of months. It had literally been over 2 years on medications and each month it seemed like all I was doing was counting and thinking about what cycle day I was on so that I would know what medication/shots to take. It's been really weird actually...sort of just "living" like a normal non-IFer... Part of me likes the idea that I am not taking all the meds because it feels sort of refreshing but then of course the other part of me thinks that these last couple months have been wasted. It's a bittersweet sort of thing. I will say this, being intimate with my husband has been better though because there's no pressure or timing consuming our minds thinking about not "wasting" days. It's been really nice...once again, just sort of "living" in the moments with him! Ok, I swear I wont go on and on about me and my husband's (amazing, awesome, sexy, fun, steamy...) time together! ;)

So that's it for now. I'm trying really hard to appreciate these moments though. As hard as it can be at times, right now I am ok with everything. I feel hopeful, happy and excited and well...since these times are far and few when it comes to trying for a baby, I'm going to take these feelings and run with it! I'm trying to keep thinking positive and trying my very best to make these feelings last as long as possible. So far so good.

Well that's all for now, since my DH left for work I've got some of my DVR shows to catch up on (Real Housewives of NY and Jersey, Bachelorette, etc...you know the really educational and intellectually stimulating shows!).

"Enjoy this moment. For this moment is your life."

Non IF friends

I wanted to see what others thought about this topic.

I have some pretty amazing best friends. A couple of which we have been that way since we were in the 2nd grade! They are my go to girls for a good time, a good cry and anything really.

They are great! But it's so hard because one of the biggest things in my life that is going on I can't really talk to them about. Or rather, I should say I talk to but they definitely don't get it. I get the whole, "it's going to happen why do you worry!?" And, "just relax I just know God wants y'all to have lots of babies!" These statements usually come when I am having an especially hard day and they ask me about it. I am not like this always, but there are definitely days were hope is not as bright and fear takes over. So usually when this is happening I've tried to tell them that really, I'm not looking for advice but a person to listen to me.

It doesn't work though and I get to where I don't really open up that much to them and simply say it's hard because hearing their advice doesn't really help.

Do I try and open up to them in hopes that maybe one day they will just "get it?!" Or do I just leave it be and let them know it's hard without exposing the deep hurts of my heart for fear that they will not get it? Because really life goes on either way and even if I'm hurting they don't quite get the extinct of my hurt sometimes.

I have no clue if I am even expressing this right. It's just something that I have been struggling with for some time now and I wanted to see how other IFers are with their non IF friends.

I will say, although I am still new to this blogging world, I am beyond grateful for the blogs I have come across. And although I have just recently worked up the courage to comment and post, I have read many of these blogs for quite sometime now and there have been many a day that I was down and out, read a blog and have literally been in somewhat of awe at how it seemed that they were saying exactly what I was feeling!

Well, I'm about to head out to meet my brother and SIL for some pool time! YAY for summertime. Oh and I absolutely love these:

Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you'll be a good one

I laid out by the pool yesterday with two of my girlfriends. I always enjoy doing this, it's relaxing and a fun way to catch up! We'll usually have a cold beverage and some magazines and people watch by the pool! So fun!!

However, yesterday at the pool I was so annoyed. I am amazed at some people who have children. There were 3 kids playing in the pool, two were about 6 years old and the other was 4. Their parents were drinking beer and playing sand volleyball OUTSIDE of the pool area most of the time. I was sitting there thinking to myself, "I would give anything to be at this pool with my own children." At one point there was a mom drinking her beer and smoking her cigarette by the pool and the little 6 year old girl goes, "Mommy, if I hold your cigarette and beer will you get in the water for a bit?" The mom just laughed and turned to her friends and continued to talk.

I just can't believe this. I definitely struggle with this. Seeing people who don't seem to care or even realize that they are parents. They don't see what a gift their children are. I don't understand how these people who don't really care are able to get pregnant so easily, without even trying!

My husband struggles with this also. He is a police officer and works nights in a not so great part of town. He, for the most part, is able to be the "strong" one emotionally when it comes to our fertility struggles. He is amazing like that and I'm so thankful for this because I can turn into an emotional mess when I hear about another pregnancy announcement, when I attend another baby shower, etc... However, when he goes on calls where there are 3 generations of women, all under the age of 40 living in the same house where the 4 year olds and 3 year olds are outside at 3 am because they have no one watching them because mom and grandma are drinking and getting high in the back, well...it hurts him. He's told me that when he leaves calls like that he finds himself asking God, "why them? They don't even care that they have children! Why them and not us?" It's just so sad to see all the abuse he sees and not ask why.

I'm thankful for the moments where he has an emotional down because well, it's one way I'm able to relate. He's always so strong, logical and trusting it seems so I'm thankful for the moments he lets himself ask those questions, because after all we are only human! He doesn't let it get to him all the time but he how can you not after seeing it so much. He's a much stronger person than I am. If I was in his position I would simply want to take those children home with me! Or say something about their crappy parenting skills! Well, you get the picture!

So this post has turned into one about my amazing husband! :) I realized I haven't really mentioned what he does and so I guess this was a good way to tell a little about him! I'm sure there will be plenty more posts about him where I can brag about how awesome I think he is! ;) But for now, I'm off to shower...

"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."

I've been a stalker...

A bad one at that! I literally wake up and grab my I.phone and check blog updates on people that I am good friends with, sorta good friends with and people that I have never met! I love the blog world!

I will say, the amazing Catholic woman that I have found completely out of the blue awhile back, have been such an inspiration to me. It's just such a relief to be able to "hear" these women speak about their struggles with conception and how it does affect your everyday life so much more than you could ever even try to explain to other people who don't get it.

Well, I guess a fertility update for now:
Nothing has happened since January except that we were referred to a new doctor who's main purpose is treating woman with infertility issues...and guess what?! SHE'S CATHOLIC...PRO-LIFE...and not afraid to tell you that PRAYER daily is a necessity in this journey! We met with her at the end of February and are in the works of scheduling the ovarian drilling surgery at some point since the meds don't really work. I have been off of pretty much everything for a couple of months (no femera, HCG shots, metformin, etc...) and the biggest change I've noticed is that since not being on the femera, I actually get cold when a normal person gets cold! ;) I had the worst hot flashes EVER. Funny story, one night last month I rolled over in bed and put my feet on my husbands feet and he was like "what the heck is that?!" He hadn't felt my cold feet in forever because well, I had been on the meds since a few months after we got married! So for now we are just waiting and praying and seeing where God leads us...
I realize that in all my (2..oh wait, now 3!!) posts I haven't given any sort of background on me or my DH...that will come soon because I really want to continue to blog, I think it can be good for me and help me to feel more connected and not quite so alone (because like a lot of you, everyone around me is pregnant it seems).

Signing off for now...

"The greater the fight, the greater the victory"