Monday, April 7, 2014

SIL update and a thanks...

Sorry I haven't really updated since my last post-especially since I was begging for prayers.  First off, I am so thankful for each of y'all that took time to pray and who continue to pray for my sister in law, K.  It's hard to believe that it's been over 3 weeks since this whole ordeal started.

The most recent updates in regard to everything is that she was moved from the critical care unit, a few days ago, to the stroke unit floor and will hopefully be moved to rehab sometimes this week or at least very soon.  She has no movement on her left side still, is thankfully able to communicate, the clots are going away with the help of medicine, our little nephew is thriving and doing incredible despite all that his mama had endured/is enduring, she will have the right part of her skull off, most likely, until after L's delivery (in July), and she was able to get the feeding tube removed a few days ago also because she is finally able to eat on her own.  She could be in the hospital for another 2 months...or more or less, it just depends on how everything goes.  We've learned very early on this is a day to day process. 

My brother and her and clinging to their faith and hoping and praying that she will be able to regain movement on her left side again-hopefully rehab will get that ball rolling.  So our prayers are definitely for function to her left side and their spiritual/emotional/mental strength throughout all this.  My brother continues to tell me that the night time is the hardest time...things slow down, not as many visitors, and of course you can very easily get lost in your thoughts.  He said it's a night that K will have her moments of sadness and worry for what the future might hold.  I can't even begin to imagine what goes through her mind then.  All that and then of course missing her two other little ones at home...she's one tough lady though and so we will continue to pray that she is able to remain positive.

It really all seems like a bad dream that has occurred.  I don't know how many countless times I have shared the story and every time I begin, "K had a massive stroke...she's pregnant....only 24....had to have a crantinomy....etc..." I feel like I am just reading some bad story about someone else.  But, it's not a dream, nor a story I am reading of someone else's family.  It's my brother and his sweet wife's story.  It's her family's story and it's our family's story.  And because of it I know that we are drawing closer to our Lord and clinging to our faith more than ever before.  Good is and will continue to come from this situation.

I have been able to go down a couple times and am so thankful that I will be able to go down again later this week.  It's hard to be 5 hours away when all you want is to be there for support and help out in any way...but our thoughts and prayers are always with them.

Once again, I apologize for begging for the prayers and then not updating...but like I said, the prayers are greatly appreciated!  My brother said that both he and my SIL talk about how incredible the power of prayer has been with keeping them going during this dark time for them.  Prayer is powerful indeed!

What a Lenten season this has been-one none of us will surely forget.  We are constantly being reminded of offering up our suffering for Him...which, although hard and difficult at times, is so small compared to the suffering He endured for all of us.  God truly loves us, and although there are times that the suffering we endure seem almost unbearable, like a weight upon our chests, we cannot forget to keep our eyes on Him, trust in Him and remember that He is a God of goodness and mercy.  Good will come from the suffering, we just have to remember to trust...even if we don't understand...we must trust and we must have faith. 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." [Hebrews 11:1]

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Begging for prayers....***update and ****another update

I am begging for prayers today.

My older brother called this morning and said that my SIL, who is about 24 weeks pregnant with our sweet Nephew, suffered a stroke this morning. She's in the critical care unit and may be transferred to a bigger hospital with a higher level unit.

We are all so scared and begging God to watch over her and our nephew.

They have 2 other little ones at home, D who is almost 3 and L who is 1.5. 

Thank you ahead of time for the prayers....

Update from my brother this morning:

"MRA showed more bleeding and swelling. Possible surgery this morning to reduce swelling if blood work looks good."
Please, please keep praying.... 

She's out of surgery and everything went very well. She's still incubated but is doing well with her breathing and won't need that hopefully too much longer they said. Also, 
They just got the results back from her first scan post surgery and there is already decompression and the swelling is going down and nowhere near the brain stem. She was able to squeeze matts hand on command which they were looking for function to be like before her surgery. Obviously a very very long road and so many unknowns but we are stepping back and counting our blessings for the now and for all the good that  has occurred today. One thing at a time. One moment at a time.  And little Leander is doing well-healthy and doing amazing considering everything mama is going through. 

Friday, March 14, 2014

Pregnancy, Progesterone and PCOS

Well, here I am.
Currently 14.4 weeks pregnant with number 2.

Still in awe that we are here again so soon and still so thankful.

I realized that I announced and then sort of dropped off the face of the earth.  I, like so many others, have every intention of blogging more often but then things get busy, or I worry my posts will be boring and well...then I don't blog and find myself months after my last post.

I'd promise that I will work on that, but to be honest...who the heck knows.

I did want to do a follow up from my previous "announcement" post though, to talk about my progesterone throughout this pregnancy in hopes that I am able to give someone out there who suffers with PCOS or crappy progesterone hope. 

Because sometimes that hope is all that keeps us going when the going gets so hard.

My progesterone this time around has not been great, just like with my first.  I had mentioned before that I really thought that since it was "easier" for us to conceive this time around that maybe my body would know what to do.  Well, I'm grateful my body knew to ovulate (heck, possible only 2 times in our nearly 7 years of marriage...but I'll take it!) this time around, and so soon after the last time but one thing I've learned...progesterone and me don't jive.  My body does not and may never be good at producing it's own progesterone.

I just remember being told so many times that with my numbers under 10, there was no way I ovulated and then of course I wouldn't test because, well...if a doctor tells you you didn't ovulate you trust them.   But now, I see that the two times that I miraculously tested positive, my progesterone results following the BFP were a little over 6 and a little over 9.  I think about if it had been a month that I was simply having blood work done I would have most likely been told that I had not ovulated and would have waited for my period to start...or in those cases, most likely miscarried.  I don't want to think about if that was something that could have happened in the's would hurt I think to think about it too long and too hard about possibly losing babies because I wasn't proactive or simply because I trusted my I will not go there.

All I know now is that I have for sure ovulated twice and by the grace of God, am being monitored  by the PPVI institute in Omaha.  

My numbers so far have not left me feeling at ease by any means, but since I'm being monitored so closely and am on the PIO injections and oh so fun suppositories, I am able to let go and trust a lot more.

Here's my progesterone numbers so far:
4.5 weeks: 9.34
7 weeks: 18.53
9 weeks: 16.5
11 weeks: 15.8
13 weeks: 32.3

I'm not going to lie...the weeks where it dropped two times my heart sank...I was so worried that it was going down (and that it was so low!) but the nurses at PPVI reassured me that I was ok.  I was SOOO thankful though when I got the call with my new results at 13 went up and more than doubled!  I definitely shed some tears of joy at that point.

I hope that others reading this see that with really crappy progesterone, as long as you are closely monitored, there is hope.  I was telling a girlfriend who struggles with miscarriage (who I have working with the PPVI institute to monitor her now!!!!) that when we get our results back, if the HCG isn't doubling or if it's dropping, there's nothing we can do...but if our progesterone is crummy, we are able to do something.  There is hope.

I just remember back to struggling and month after month getting back my progesterone results, comparing them to other bloggers or other charts online and just being devastated because it seemed so hopeless.  My body seemed so broken.

I know now that's not the case.

I am still amazed that after hearing so many people tell me when I was pregnant with F that "oh you just wait and see, I hear that once you get pregnant after struggling, your body sorta knows how to work and you will be having babies after that with not problems!"

I always got a pit in my stomach hearing this because I didn't know.  All I knew was that I had F and she could have very well been our one and only.  

But somehow, it seems that my body did learn something from that time around.  I'm by no means saying that every woman that struggles with PCOS and gets pregnant one time will have no issues getting pregnant again, but for me...the pregnancy with F definitely seemed to help.

Just not with my progesterone.
That's something I will always struggle with and I'm ok with that because I'm in such good hands with the PPVI.

Any other notes about the pregnancy?
-Well, it's been night and day from F.  With her I was sick occasionally and with this one I was sick constantly throughout the first trimester and now I'll have random bouts of sickness.  It could mean that its a different sex or it could mean that I'm just busier this time around with little miss.
-I have had two ultrasounds so far: one at 6 weeks where we saw the little apple seed and then the tiniest little flicker of a heartbeat.  Simply amazed at something so tiny.  Then I had another appt at 10 weeks and we were able to see little arms and legs and movement, which pretty much took my breath away.
-I heard the heartbeat at 9.2 weeks and that's a sound that is up there on my favorite sounds of all times.
-In about a week and a half we will find out who this little one is...some days I think boy some days I think girl. Either way we will be excited.

And that about sums it up...this post has turned out to be waaaay longer than I anticipated, I guess I really needed to get a lot out!  I don't comment very often but pray daily for all you ladies-especially those still deep in the throws of IF.

Like I said, I wont promise that I will post more but I will at least say I will TRY and post more!  

"Wherever you are, be all there." [J.Elliot]

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Nearly 60 cycles to conceive our first and now...

...only 2 cycles postpartum and we got a big surprise on January 3rd.


Yes, that's right, I was only on my second cycle since I had F and was most definitely not expecting it.

The thing that's crazy is that I don't know how many people would ask us when we were going to try again or if we were going to do anything to prevent. I would always try not to roll my eyes and simply state that since it took nearly 5 years with F we would always be open because 1)we weren't sure how long it would/could take and 2)we weren't sure if we could ever get pregnant again.

But somehow here we are again.
I feel so humbled and tremendously grateful that we are entrusted another precious soul.

My heart is racing with excitement simply by typing this out....

Back to when we found out: after I got the BFP I rushed to my ob and had blood drawn right away (4.4 weeks) and anxiously awaited the results over the weekend. Part of me thought that since it was "easier" to get pregnant this time that surely my body had a good idea of what it was doing and surely my progesterone wouldn't be crummy like with F (6.2).

Monday rolled around and I got my results...hcg:450 and prog:9.34. So my whole thought that my body would work a little better this time around, in regards to progesterone, not so much. My current doctor is amazing and I love her, however, she only does oral progesterone support and I don't tend to respond to that. She did however encourage me to, "work with the other doctor that gave me the injections last time." So as much as it sucked that she doesn't do the PIO injections, I guess I'm grateful she at least supports me working with another doctor. My prayers is that one day all doctors will understand the importance of proper progesterone support throughout pregnancy.

I contacted PPVI and updated my info and as of last Friday have been taking the PIO injections twice a week along with progesterone pills (oral and suppository). I still haven't gotten a second draw because (the lab I worked with in the past that allows me to ship) the doctor was away on vacation. Hoping for that to happen next week.

And I suppose that brings us to today. Our first appointment. I felt so calm and at peace about everything, yet mixed with moments of panic and shock that we were back on this adventure yet again.

We had our first ultrasound and we saw, and fell in love with, the tiniest little heartbeat (6.3weeks) and thankfully measured perfectly. On our way home I captured this photo of little miss holding our first of official photo of Baby H#2:

It definitely doesn't feel real (despite seeing the heartbeat, feeling nauseous most the day and extreme tiredness!!) and most likely won't for a long time.

I debated even blogging about this because I know so many beautiful women are still in the middle of their own IF journeys and I remember how painful it was to hear about announcements but...after praying about it I realized I wanted to share because my hope is that it gives another gal out there with PCOS hope that it helps a women struggling with low progesterone realize that there is hope. I remember feeling so lost and hopeless at times when I would get my progesterone checked, while taking medicine, and hear that, "it's too low, there's no way you could have ovulated." My body simply doesn't make progesterone but somehow by the grace of God I've conceived not once...but now twice.

Like I said before I feel so humbled to be here again. My husband feels the same. We were/are still beautifully and wonderfully shocked.

I'd appreciate any prayers for this little one...who's due date is 9/8/14 (the Blessed Mother's birthday, so beautiful!). And please know that y'all are in my prayers constantly as well.

"She holds onto hope and He is forever faithful." [1Corinthians 1:9]

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

I still got it....

Today I went to the gym.
The same gym we have been paying for for way too long and yet...not really using.

When we first signed up I was going 3xs a week and then life got in the way..

But, after not using this "product" that we were dishing out money for, I decided enough is enough with 1)feeling down about my weight and 2)paying for something we weren't using.

Today was technically day 2 after many weeks of being away...and well, it took all of 10 seconds for a super buff, workout guy to approach me while I walked the treadmill.

He noticed my shirt (Go Aggies) and asked if I went to school there (been there done that, class of '06 whoop) and then he talked about  him growing up in College Station. He then asked what I  got my degree in (English, certified to teach) and told me how awesome that was and rambled on about the importance of English degrees and teachers and this and that.  He asked the stereotypical, "you come here often" (not so much, can you not tell by the sweat building up from my simply walking this treadmill?!) and  other random things.

But then...when he asked what I do now and I said, "stay home with my 10 month old..." He looked at me sorta awkwardly and said, "oh, nice talking with you."  And then left.

Hmmm...guess he wasn't looking for a stay at home mom/homemaker.

Oh...and the kicker?

He was at least 70-80 years old!!!!

Super buff? Yes!
Talked like a young'en trying  to pick up a gal? Yes!
A man old enough to be my Gp? Oh most definitely!
Liked that I was a SAHM/homemaker? Totally not his cup of tea!

Regardless of his age...I think that this means I still got it, right? ;)

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Be still my heart.

This week has been a little tough.
But then, this morning I capture this moment...

Oh so blessed.

Thursday, November 21, 2013


Tonight I was having a, "is she really ours?!" kinda night.

To be honest, there are a lot of days spent just getting through them and hoping everything goes smoothly. Even though my daily prayer is to cherish each day and moment because my goodness, it's all happening way too fast.

I'm 100% a "cherish every moment" kinda gal' and so even though that doesn't happen every day, I still most definitely try....

But really, is she really ours?! Some days it doesn't feel real...

"What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh