Cute movie

If you haven't already seen T.oy St.ory 3....go see it!

It's so cute.

And yes, you may get a little misty eyed during it! But don't worry there will be plenty of laughter too!


"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." (E.E. Cummings)

"I wuv you foreva"

Today I spent it with my amazing MIL, SIL, BIL and 3 year old nephew and 10 year old niece (they have another little girl due in Sept!) at their new home about 2.5 hours East of here.

My MIL was going to pick up my niece and nephew to bring them back to her place for some "GM camp" and where my other nephew met up also. She didn't mind driving out there alone but I offered because I am the "cool aunt". And no...I'm not quoting myself here!

A little bit about being the cool/fun aunt...it's great when I am IN the moment with these beautiful souls. I spoil these kiddos with laughter, hugs and kisses and some serious playtime when I am with them. My beautiful MIL (yes, I love her to pieces and am beyond blessed to have joined such an amazing family that i feel like I've been apart of from the beginning!) says this a lot...about me and my DH being the fun aunt and uncle and it's great...really...it is.

However, it's the leaving and coming home alone that hits the pit of my stomach in ways that's impossible to describe to people. I have explained this to my DH and he understands but like I've mentioned before, he's very optimistic about most things/most of the time and so he loves being the fun aunt and uncle and knows that we will one day hold our own children AND be the fun ones...

I feel this too, I really do. But sometimes it's hard because as much as I love this and as much as I love these little ones, I desire so much to hold my own children that when I leave, there's a part of me that can't help but hurt. The reality of my IF comes flooding in, even though the day was spent with SO much laughter and so much fun.

The sadness is only temporary for now though, because I know that when I meet tomorrow for day two of "GM camp" that sadness will disappear and my heart will swell with love for these little ones. And my face will hurt because most of our time will be spent laughing at what the 3 year old and 5 year old boys are talking about!

So in the end...it's worth it and I will embrace, whole heartily, the title of "cool/fun aunt" because I know that one day we will hold our own and still work to own that title! ;)

Lastly, about my blog post title...this was the conversation with my little 3 year old nephew (he'll be 4 in August):

Him: "Aunt Awesome (he didn't really say that but I don't use real names so I can say whatever I want!!), I wuv you!"

Me: "Really?! How much do you love me?"
(Right here I was expecting the typical "from here to here" with his little hands outstretched...)

Him: "I wuv you foreva, dat's how much!"

A few simple things that made me smile today...

This stuff smells amazing! It's my favorite home fragrance at B&Bworks. The oils really leave the place smelling great and super fast!


I don't know if anyone else likes to vacuum as much as I do...but I really like to! It's because of these beautiful lines in the carpet! I'm a weirdo but I really do enjoy seeing those lines...


I got my screen fixed today by my friend and I am soooo thankful that he was able to do it free of charge! Then I went with my brother to get one of these nifty cases, since I have a tendency to drop my phone more than the average Joe. Another great thing, my bro gets a 50% off discount at A.T&T stores...wahoo! :)


These things are awesome! What are they you ask? They are a new sort of bobby pin! You twist you hair into a bun and then twist these little suckers in! I have long and thick hair and they actually work. Plus it's nice because they don't really leave a line in you hair. (I sound like a commercial with all these "things" that I love...oh well, might as well because I'm a sucker for them!)

And last but most certainly not least: spending the entire day with my hubby before he had to go into work.

Okay, I know this post is sort of boring, kinda like my other posts have been recently but it's sort of part of my "cherish the simple things and love the simple moments" in life sort of mindset I have been having. I think because I know that my surgery is going to be next month I am trying to calm down, be at peace and trust God. Who knows, tomorrow I may be a hot mess...but for now, I'm relaxed and looking forward to what God has in store for us.

"A smile is the beginning of peace." (Mother Teresa)

Monday Monday Monday

I definitely didn't get very creative with the blog title...maybe because it's Monday or maybe I'm just not that creative! Who cares?!

Well, I wasn't able to read blogs this weekend because it was a fun filled weekend with celebrations out the wazoo (BF bday fun on Friday night and then another bday celebration Saturday and then of course Father's day on Sunday)!!! I just finished getting caught up and all I have to say is WOW. I was so busy celebrating this weekend and to be quite honest, I am so exhausted today but get online and read so many ON FIRE posts about the Church and what we believe, etc...and right now I feel so proud to be Catholic and so proud to be apart of such an amazing support group of IF, (and the non-IF that offer great prayers and support also!) Catholic/Christian women who are not afraid to speak out against some of societies wrong-doings. I never EVER would have thought that by googling "infertility, Catholic, blogs, support, etc.." that I would not only come across a place where these women feel my pains and struggles, but also a place that is sort of making me want to hold myself more accountable and not just be Catholic but live the faith each and everyday.

I'm so not saying that I am only Catholic by name and am really this crazy sinful woman but rather what I am attempting to say is that it's so easy to get caught up in the world. It's so easy to hear a friend talk about BCPs and IVF and simply say I don't agree but what I am finding here is that I want to learn to be able to speak intelligently, non confrontational and openly about why I feel the way I do. After reading a lot of these posts today, I sort of have this "on fire" feeling, you know the one you get after either hearing an amazing talk or when you get back from an amazing retreat (which sadly it's been far too long for both of these)?!

Bottom line: I love the support I get with my IF and I absolutely love the passionate-faith filled support I get here also.

It's so funny, when I woke up this morning (pre-reading other's blogs) I knew I wanted to post but I wasn't sure what to post. I guess one can say I was inspired by the other blogs! What a beautiful little community we got here! :)

And on a completely different note, because I like pictures, I thought I would post an AWESOME picture of my AWESOME phone.



Yeah, I was at Target (my second home) and somehow it managed to fall. Fear not, I didn't drop the card I was holding, nope, that walked away without a scratch or smudge, but the phone well...it's seen better days! I have it in the plastic baggy because little pieces of the screen keep falling off! Thankfully we have a friend that works for App.le and he can fix it for free! Such a relief, I hear it can be quite expensive to get fixed.



"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move." (Matthew 17:20)

Quick Takes

I'm not exactly sure if there's some sort of rules to follow with this "quick takes" thing, all I've seen is that 1)people tend to do it on Fridays and 2)you simply write 7 "quick takes"...so if you are suppose to link it to something or do something more with this, well I don't quite know so let me know!

1) I just watch the Desperate Housewives of NY final reunion and it was CRAZY. Kelly is so hard to follow that I was literally laughing out loud at half the stuff she said because well...it was too loopy not to!

2) I just ate an avocado and it was so delicious. I like to think that I am eating SUPER healthy when I eat them but unfortunately I know that they are rather high in fat content. Okay, I lied. I had two. But that was all I had for lunch so it's all good. Right?!

3) I'm stressing a bit because we are suppose to be out of our apartment at the end of next month and we need to either find a courtesy officer gig (free rent for us since my husband is a cop) which isn't easy or find a house because we are done throwing money into apartments. The house thing would be great, we have been looking but it's rather a lot to take in. Obviously if we are able to find a courtesy officer gig we would take that because we need to pay off some debt and to be able to throw all our money, that would be normally used for rent, to pay that off and save up before getting a house...well, that would rock. We shall see!!!

4) My older brother is getting married in 2 weeks and I'm soooooo excited!!!

5) I need to find a healthy alternative to my diet coke drinking. I know it's not good for me but it's hard not to drink them because 1)they are tasty 2) they give me that caffeine jump that I need at times and 3) When I think I wanna snack extra, usually a diet coke with do the trick!

6) I'm going to do my best and post my faith story this week. I've been meaning to do it but I'm worried that once I start, I'll keep going and going! Who knows, maybe I wont and will be able to finish it in one sitting. Maybe not. Once again, we shall see!

7) I've found so much inspiration in reading the blogs that I read. I love that God has opened this door for me. I really feel like I am a better person because instead of holding things in or desperately trying to explain to someone who just doesn't get it, I'm able to vent my feelings on here knowing that I have some amazing people who know the pain/anxiety/hope/desire I feel and are able to give advice or a simple prayer. Also, this week especially there have been quite a few posts of others that I have read and literally been taken aback because it feels like something that I have emotionally been trying to express for so long now and there it was...typed out on someone's blog. Truly amazing and truly God-sent.

That's it for my first "Quick Takes!!"


“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Oh the anticipation....

Did she?

Didn't she?

Did she finally call and set up that appointment for the surgery next month?!?!

Ok, I don't want to leave you hanging anymore! I did call.

I was still nervous about doing it but I said a prayer, sucked it up and simply called. So yeah, I was nervous and called...was put on hold and then when I was finally connected they said they were sending me blood work that I needed to complete (no earlier than a month before the surgery) and send back in and then she would call me and set up the actual date for the surgery. So, I will do the blood work sometimes after the 1st of July and then go from there.

Wow. That wasn't a big deal AT all. I got off the phone and my hands were clammy, (yes one of those lucky women who get really sweaty when nervous, well who am I kidding, I get sweaty really easily anyways!) my heart was still racing a bit and the surgery wasn't even scheduled!

I'm glad that we are one step closer to it though. These last couple of days are just another reminder that I'm so done doing the medications each month just to be let down. This surgery will be a good thing. We have spoken to our doctor about it, we've done research and looked up testimonials online and have prayed a lot about it. It's definitely the next thing.

It's been so odd NOT taking medications these last couple of months. It had literally been over 2 years on medications and each month it seemed like all I was doing was counting and thinking about what cycle day I was on so that I would know what medication/shots to take. It's been really weird actually...sort of just "living" like a normal non-IFer... Part of me likes the idea that I am not taking all the meds because it feels sort of refreshing but then of course the other part of me thinks that these last couple months have been wasted. It's a bittersweet sort of thing. I will say this, being intimate with my husband has been better though because there's no pressure or timing consuming our minds thinking about not "wasting" days. It's been really nice...once again, just sort of "living" in the moments with him! Ok, I swear I wont go on and on about me and my husband's (amazing, awesome, sexy, fun, steamy...) time together! ;)

So that's it for now. I'm trying really hard to appreciate these moments though. As hard as it can be at times, right now I am ok with everything. I feel hopeful, happy and excited and well...since these times are far and few when it comes to trying for a baby, I'm going to take these feelings and run with it! I'm trying to keep thinking positive and trying my very best to make these feelings last as long as possible. So far so good.

Well that's all for now, since my DH left for work I've got some of my DVR shows to catch up on (Real Housewives of NY and Jersey, Bachelorette, etc...you know the really educational and intellectually stimulating shows!).

"Enjoy this moment. For this moment is your life."

Phone call

Ok, so I told myself that today I would call and set up the infamous appointment for the surgery next month. And.I.Did.Not.

I don't know why even simply making the phone call makes me nervous. It's crazy really. It's like I am secretly deep down thinking she is going to say, "Nope. Not going to happen. You are a lost cause..."

Ha.

Am I going crazy? I just need to do it already! I guess part of it is knowing that this surgery was one of our "and if nothing else works..." sort of things and well, calling and making the appointment makes is more real. So much hope and anxiousness and excitement all rolled into one for this surgery and the freaking phone call makes me nervous!

I don't need to worry about this though because I know that God has led both my husband and I here and we know that this is where we are suppose to be.

I will do it tomorrow.

I hope.

Goodness, I'm a mess and should stop typing while I'm ahead (I'm ahead right?! ;))


"By the anxieties and worry of this life, Satan tries to dull man's heart and make a dwelling for himself there." -St. Francis of Assisi