I guess this means we're adults now!

Well, my birthday week is pretty much rockin', as I let y'all know in my last post, BUT...it got a little better today:

WE ARE OFFICIALLY HOMEOWNERS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right! We went and closed this morning and the sellers are signing their papers as we speak. It's so crazy and doesn't feel like we really are the owners just yet...but we are! We pick up the keys later this afternoon and then my dh and I, along with my Gm, his parents and my brother and SIL, are going to see the OUR house and then to dinner to celebrate.

Another blessing and fun extra is that they sellers are leaving their really nice grill and nice dining room table. They are an older couple and they have already moved out and on and said that we could have it!

All these wonderful blessings fall on this last day of September. Why does this matter? Because I believe in God and I believe that coincidences do not happen. You see, this time last year, I got a call that would forever change my family's lives...my Gm called to say that my Gp had fallen trimming the trees. This day last year started the worst few weeks that our family has had to endure in a really long time. We watched our healthy, full of life, loved one slowly slip from this world.

I believe in my heart of hearts that my Gp is up there and praying for us, a direct contact to God! The way ALL this happened today of all days, made what was such a horrible memory into a happy one...we closed on our first home without a glitch and we know that Gp is up there smiling down on us.

Another post I'll write more about that amazing man who raised me, but for now I am off to offer up my heartfelt thanks for all the blessings that have occurred today. Like the title says, I guess now that we are officially homeowners, maybe we'll start feeling more like adults! ;)

Then again, maybe not...

I'm ok with that though!

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

Zero calories, walks in the park, PBRs, etc...

After I wrote my "not feeling very hopeful" post early Sunday, I'm happy to report that my day completely turned around for the better.

I was struggling with truly letting go and not hanging onto the fears and anxieties that were overwhelming me. After I wrote my post, I simply kept saying, "I offer it all up to you" over and over throughout the day. Whether I believed I was truly doing it or not, I continued to say it in hopes that I would actually let go. And things looked up. I think it was a combination of three things, 1)God hearing my prayers, 2) My husband absolutely spoiling me with his love and support and 3)The prayers from all those that have offered them up for me.

I am truly blessed.

Later Sunday, feeling a bit better, we headed to a late Mass since my husband worked the night before and needed to sleep. The first thing that I noticed going to mass was that the weather was heaven sent...no hot, humid nasty weather, but rather a cool breeze filled the air. I took one of those deep breaths in and I could smell Fall.

Oh glorious Fall!

Our Texas summers get so hot that the first sign of Fall is such a huge relief and sort of gives me this second wind.

After a beautiful Mass, my DH and I decided it was off to get chocolate dipped cones. And if you have not been educated in the rules of birthday weeks, rule #1 is that calories don't count! ;) So we took our chocolate dipped cones and headed to the beautiful park that we to visit a lot when we were growing up.

We actually would come to that park before we were ever dating in high school. We pulled up and it brought back so many memories. We would go there when we just had crushes on one another, to talk about our feelings and talk about how we really felt that God wanted us in each others' lives. Then of course we would visit the park when we were dating. It was where we spilled our hearts and souls to one another about our hopes and dreams for our future dating adventures.

The last time we were there has been years. It makes me a little sad. Did life really get that busy that we couldn't take time to walk around this park that had been the location of so many heart felt talks?! Well, maybe it had but being back there reminded us of how truly blessed we were.

We've come a long way since we first walked around that park!!

After walking around the park my brother called and ask if we would sub for an hour in front of the abo.rtion clinic for the 40 days for life. So we took the 11-12am time and simply walked in front of the clinic and prayed.

My heart broke being there though, knowing that we so badly desired to conceive and to think that people went in to that building to remove the life they had created. I just prayed that God would help the women thinking of seeking the services of Plan.ned parenthood, to know that life is truly precious.

After we got home I got an amazing PBR. What's a PBR you ask?! Well it's a term I came up with...Platonic Back Rub. My husband has a bit of trouble not getting distracted while giving me a back rub, which don't get me wrong, I LOVE that he loves me and that this is a problem! ;) It's just that there are times I just want a back rub.

I get a PBR everyday of my birthday week! Lucky me!! :)

So, Sunday ended up being so amazing and I felt beyond blessed.

Priorities were back in line and I thankfully am doing way better. The power of prayer is truly amazing.

Another really amazing miracle, my beautiful little niece was born yesterday! We got to go up to the hospital (it was my DH's sister) and hold this beautiful little 6 pound 2 oz miracle for quite awhile and it was awesome. Nothing like holding a beautiful new born to help with those priorities, also!

That's about it as of now. I know that Sunday started off rough because the thought of another year passing, without children, was so completely overwhelming because I, like so many others, didn't think that this would be. I am just trying to not let myself get overwhelmed and not let the feeling of fear take over.


"For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy." (St. Therese of Lisieux)

Birthday week.

It's looking like I should ovulate later this week. And yes, it is looking like around/on my birthday this will happen. Oh great. Over analyzer me and my mind that doesn't seem to shush up for a moment has already started thinking "oh my goodness, what an amazing gift, what if I DO actually ovulate, what if we do conceive?, etc...". Yeah, it's really annoying to think about. To think about how this timing would seem so "perfect" and whatnot. I am trying my best not to think about it too much though because well, pretty much every time I think about the timing being perfect, it doesn't happen.

I really wish I could just STOP thinking about it. This is, in part, one of the reasons I have been down. I can't stop thinking about how badly I desire to be a mother. How badly I want my husband to be a father because he would make an amazing one. This pain is numbing. I want to be able to offer up, completely, this pain and this heart ache I feel. It's so stinkin' hard though. And, although I'm constantly praying, "YOUR will be done, I offer you my life and trust in Your Will" over and over, the pain is still there. It feels like I am still holding on to something. I don't know how to let go though. It feels like there's a thousand bricks weighing down on my chest. Why can't I just forget about it for just a day so that I can.just.breathe? Sometimes I don't feel like I am strong enough to handle this. I guess I have to pray for more strength and courage to be able to.

I know this much though, I am not giving up. I will continue to re-offer up this struggle and pain of IF to God each and every day. I WILL continue to trust throughout the pain. I will not let worry and fear over shadow the faith and hope I feel because I know that our time will come.

So yeah, it's the start of my birthday week (yes, I am a believer in birthday WEEKS!;)) and it stinks that I am feeling rather down. Here's hoping I can truly let go and let God.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”(L.Armstrong)