MIA

I've been MIA as of lately for a couple of reasons:

-Busy getting stuff ready for the big move next week! I cleaned the house and am trying to get the things that we have here at my Gm's house organized and ready to go. So excited to move into our new home on Tuesday!

-I'm trying my best NOT to think about where I am at this cycle. Last cycle was such a huge let down and hurt me way more than I anticipated (one would think that after almost 3 years you could handle another busted cycle...not so much), that for this cycle, I had to step back. With this came not reading into every little "symptom", no goo.gling and also, stepping back from blogging.

So that's that. I'm going to get back in the swing of things with blogging once we get moved in (it's hard to stay away!), it's just for now, I have to do this.

Call it healing.

And it's working, I feel rather rejuvenated and not so exhausted.

I'll post more once we are all settled in our new home! Also, I'm going to post a picture of a craft I did (after all it helps me de-stress), which I so cannot wait to put up in our new home!! :)

Continuing my prayers that all you lovely blogger ladies are doing well!!



"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -Robert Brault

Nothing new

It seems that CD1 has crept up on too many of us, IF girls. I so badly wanted THIS to be the month for so many of us.

God had different plans, though.

It's crazy, this cycle I have heard (via my best frenenemy forever, fb) of a few new pregnancy announcements and there also seems to be an abundance of "belly shot" pictures and nursery pictures too.

How does that even happen?! Things are pretty quiet and then CD1 is here and then there's baby stuff galore EVERYWHERE.

Maybe I'm just going to crazy.

The thing is, I totally LOVE to hear when another IF girl announces a pregnancy/adoption OR shows their beautiful belly shots OR fun nursery updates.

This I can handle.

The rest of the non-IF "civilians", well...not so much.

I'm just trying to remind myself to trust. Simply, trust. Nothing more, nothing less.

Somehow, someway, God has given me courage to keep going thus far and for that I am grateful, especially because there's been too many times than not where I have wanted to give up. The thing is though, through my prayer I have found this courage and perseverance and desire to continue to move forward.

I am hopeful.

I believe that my miracle will come...

Well, at least this is how I am feeling today. Yesterday, not so much. I thought I was ready to throw in the towel all while screaming and just being down right angry.

But today, well, the hope is back and crazy woman has left the building.

I blame hormones and how freakin' badly CD1 hurts.

Nonetheless, I am here. I am fighting. And I am hoping.

I'm still holding out that (sooner than later, please God, please) there's going to be an ABUNDANCE of pregnancy announcements to blow this beautiful IF blogger world up.

Not on FB...but in our own little world here. That would be so awesome.

Anyways, you girls have been awesome and giving me that prayers that I needed. I seriously felt them and I am so grateful for that.

Thanks for the feedback on my crafts, I do love to craft! I have thought about etsy before but was overwhelmed by the number of people on there and I felt sort of like a little fish lost in a big ol' sea of big fish! I'll possibly look into that though. I'm also thinking about giving out a few, because I think word of mouth is the best thing! Let me know if you would be interested!

P.S GO AGGIES.

In a funk

Today wasn't that great.

I went to bed in tears and when I woke up this morning I had that short moment of not realizing anything was bothering me and then,

BAM.

I remembered last night and the dreaded spotting.

And then the tears started coming back again and I remembered that I wasn't ok, I was feeling rather crummy. Going to bed sad and waking up sad don't really make for an awesome day, usually.

I so badly wanted to not let this effect me. I wanted to be strong and not be upset or down by the fact that AF was arriving. I wanted to only look on the bright side, that I was having yet another period ON MY OWN and not because I took prometrium. I wanted to remember that it was up to God and that I trusted and I was ok.

That's what I wanted, but reality set in, and as hard as I try to keep my head up, sometimes I fall. And I hurt. And I worry and the bright light I like to call hope, seems more like a dim light far away.

But I only allow this for a moment because I KNOW that without hope, without my faith I would be so completely lost and an even bigger mess than I am now! So yeah, today wasn't that great but I still have my faith and I still have my hope and that's pretty amazing if you ask me.

My DH was amazing, which is not shocking, and was such an amazing support and so full of hope and excitement at me, "starting another period on your own...this is so good!" (his words, not mine!). He really is amazing.

There's times that my heart aches for him because I so badly want to bless him with a child, I don't want my body to be broken because I know that he will be such an incredible dad.

Of course, shortly after those moments I offer up a prayer and know that God is in control and He will provide. In His timing. And it will be amazing. I don't think I could ever say this enough. And then things seem ok again after I remember this.

On a side note, my doctor's office called today and they said that my progesterone levels were too low and that I would need to start taking progesterone this new cycle. Also, they will call tomorrow about other protocol for this cycle, ie: clomid, HCG shots, etc...

Hearing all this overwhelmed me because I was so full of hope for our first TCC cycle post surgery. So full of hope and then shot down and left in a funk.

So, what do I do when I am in a funk?

I craft. It relieves so much stress for me and somehow my mind, which NEVER shuts up, is able to sort of veg out and relax. Here's some pictures of the things I created while de-stressing"





The flowers, I sewed onto a safety pin, that way you can pin them to your shirt like I did in the first two pictures, or you can pin them to a purse or bag or even use a bobby pin and add them as a hair accessory. Just something fun and pretty easy too...

I had an extra onesie so I also made this for my godson:


I do love to craft and am sure glad it doesn't cost an arm in a leg to do, other wise I would have to find a new way to get out of my funks! ;)

Also, before I go, I wanted to say yet again, THANK YOU to everyone that has offered prayers, support and kind words. I seriously don't know how I could do this without y'all. My husband is so grateful that I found such an amazing group of women because he knows that even though he's there for me always, having another woman to talk to about what I am going through helps so much. So, THANK YOU. And I know that I am not the only one in this "funk", so just know that I am thinking about y'all and praying for y'all and trusting and knowing in my heart of hearts that our miracles will come [in His perfect and holy timing].

"Keep going. Don't stop. I kept going on the road to Calvary and in spite of such agony, I got there. Look at Me and you will find new courage. And honor Me by calling Me to help you." (He and I)