Doctor's appointment yesterday

Although I did post yesterday about all the craziness that happened...it just didn't feel right to sit and add more about the doctor's visit. No worries, it gives me something to write about today! :) Go me for updating!

Like I mentioned yesterday, I was over an hour late because my dumb iphone led me in the wrong direction. I thought surely that they would cancel or want to reschedule, which I did NOT want them to do because I had to drive an hour to see them in the first place. However, when I called to get better directions and much to my surprise, the secretary actually put the doctor on to give me directions.

This calmed me down a bit. You see, with my old doctor in SA (the awesome doctor one on one but not so much with follow ups), when I would call to talk to her I would wait for 15 minutes and then talk to either the secretary or maybe, if I was lucky, the nurse.

Never, ever, EVER have I spoken to her on the phone.

So anyways, I made it there and then of course couldn't find the suite number. Apparently the one listed online was the old one, leading me to the wrong tower. But thankfully a nice nurse helped me out and I found where I was suppose to be.

I got there and filled out the pile of papers that are expected at the first doctor's appointments.

I waited 20 minutes or so and then I saw the doctor.

In his nice, cushy office. It was a little different to not be sitting on a paper roll on a table in some cold, small room. This was refreshing, indeed!

He said, "So, you want to get pregnant?"

I said, "Yes! My husband and I have been trying for almost 3 years..."

Then the first thing out of his mouth was, "has anyone ever told you about IVF?"

I said that I had indeed heard of it but I would never do it. He asked me why and I explained to him that, without going into the numerous other reasons why my husband I did not agree with it, the main thing was that we believed that life begins at conception. When the egg is fertilized we believe that is a human being, a baby. The idea of discarding the "bad" ones or freezing them in itself was terrible to us.

He just sat there and said he understood. And then proceeded to talk about our plan of action.

You see, I knew that this was a possibility with this doctor. My SIL had told me that he's not opposed to IVF but that he's extremely respectful of everyone's beliefs.

This was way different for me. My first doctor had no clue what she was doing and said to "see a specialist" and then by the grace of God I was lead to an amazing Catholic doctor and THEN to another Catholic doctor, who performed our surgery. It was just strange to be asked about IVF and to be talking to a doctor that isn't Catholic and already on board with all my beliefs.

Anyways, in a nutshell he's having me come in next Friday for some blood work and then is going to start me back on Metformin and the Clomid, etc..

He's really good at what he does, my SIL said, and I am hopeful.

Hopeful but scared shi*less. Not going to lie.

I am trying my very best to be FULL of hope and TRUST. But I am so scared because I feel no closer to our ultimate goal of healing my body so that we can conceive, than I did three years ago.

Also, this cycle I am noticing nothing. CD13 and not a lot of mucous, no sore boobies...

Nothing.

Stupid PCOS.

I am terrified that my body has reverted BACK to the way it was a few short months ago before the surgery. And if this is this case, will the medicine react the same way as it did before then? IE: no reaction at all?

Ok, now that I have vented my, "I'm so scared!" rant, I'm going to RE-offer it up and trust that God has led me to this doctor for a reason.

Lord,
I put my trust in you.
I hurt.
I am scared.
But I trust.
Into Your hands I put all this fear and anxiety.
Nothing is TOO big for you to handle.
I trust.
I believe.
Love,
Little ol' me.


“Fear of failure must never be a reason not to try something.” (Frederick Smith quotes)