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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Exposed.

Today was the closing rally for 40 days. My dh and I went out there, not only to stand in support of the cause but also to support my brother and SIL who would be giving talks.

Rewind to last night:
I opened up with my SIL and brother about my thoughts about standing outside the clinic these last few weeks. I told them how hard it had been and then I did it...

I told them I had a blog.

I did NOT tell them what/where it was.

Nope.

Just that I had one that was more or less private (hey, it's pretty private...I don't use names! ;)) and that it was so that I could find support from other women that have struggled/are struggling with IF and with others that have just given great support even though they have not suffered with IF.

I didn't show them the blog. Just told them about it.

Then he asked if I would copy my last post about what it felt like to be a women struggling with IF and standing outside the clinics.

So I did.

I thought he was just curious about a side of it he'd never really thought of.

Fast forward to today:
He gave the opening speech and focused on the fact that there were many different people from many different walks of life that have helped with 40 days. He then stated that he wanted to share a little excerpt from a blog from a fellow 40 days for life participant.

My heart stated racing.

My palms began to sweat.

NEVER had I thought that he would share my story in front of everyone there.

He then shared what I had written and said that it was a perfect example of how difficult it can be for some to stand and pray.

My husband was there, thankfully, and held my hand tightly throughout his speech.

He's definitely my number one support!

My brother went on and told some stories about others that stood and prayed, some stories from across the nation and a few more local ones.

He shared stories about some of the babies that have been saved.

517 beautiful souls were saved this 4o days! PRAISE the LORD!

When he was done giving his speech, I whispered to my husband that I was so glad that I had worn my over sized sun glasses because it hid the huge elephant tears that were streaming down my face.

So although he never pointed me out directly and he never said my name or even that he knew me personally, I still felt exposed.

Hearing my feelings spoken out loud, in front of people, by another person made my heart race like no one's business.

Because it's such a private, intimate struggle, it's hard to openly talk about it sometimes, especially to hear my story out loud.

Difficult but also refreshing.

I'm glad that I opened up to my brother and SIL on a deeper level then, "it's hard that we haven't conceived..." or "we trust in God's will" etc...

I shared with them something that both of them had never thought of...

That as a woman struggling to conceive, standing and praying outside of a clinic is hard to do.

But I'm glad that I did! I continue to hope and pray that one day everyone will realize just how precious life is.



I have so much going on this week....I pray that I can make it without getting too anxious or overwhelmed! I can do this!

Praying for each and everyone of you pretty ladies and hoping that this Sunday is finding you in good spirits!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

5 comments:

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

My heart was racing as I read this! You are going to be (and have been) the catalyst for so much good. I am inspired by you!!

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

WOW. What a leap of faith you took in sharing your post with him, and what a leap of faith HE took in sharing your intimate thoughts with others in hopes of helping others!!! AMAZING that so many lives have been saved! I love your blog!

JellyBelly said...

You're so brave!

How wonderful so many lives were saved! Yay life!!!!

Megan said...

I agree that you are very brave! God is using you in so many ways!

Grace in my Heart said...

My heart was racing through this too...way to go for keeping it together!

I can also relate SO well to your thoughts about being an if girl at the clinic. I prayed at our clinic for the past three 40 days and on man it was hard...especially when I wanted to scream at every woman that I'd adopt her baby. Don't worry, I didn't, but I wanted to!

You have amazing courage for being out there.