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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tough month.

So, I have this good friend.

I've gotten to know her because both our husbands were in the police academy together.

She informed me a bit ago that she was off birth control to see what would happen...even though they are off it sooner than their 5 year plan (a little over 2 years so far) they're open to seeing what happens.

She knows of our struggles.
She's seen my tears.

And at that same dinner...she says, "and it's so weird being off the pill. Now every time we are together, I freak the heck out thinking that omg we could be making a baby right now."

Sigh.

I'm certain in a short amount of time I'll be getting "that call" because that's what happens...

This month has been rough. Maybe it's because we are still technically taking "time off" or maybe it's because we are slowly in the process of working with doctor h.

Either way this fog over my mind, this heaviness on my chest and this constant lump in my throat...it's overwhelming.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm definitely down.

Sure, I put on the smile and meet with family and friends and go on as I'm ok.

But this month has been hard.

Why this month?

Where's the hopefulness, the trusting and the offering it up?

It's been so hard.
Ugh.
Ready to start feeling better and feeling hopeful again.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

18 comments:

Sarah said...

I have been following your blog for awhile. I too deal with PCOS and it is soooooo frustrating! I am currently a patient of Dr Keefe (in Dr Hilgers office) and they are wonderful. That being said, I have recently found out about a Dr who has opened an office in Austin. He studied under Dr. H. I haven't done much research into his background but I thought it might be a lead for you if things take too long with Dr. H. If I remember right you said that you live in Texas. I know that the state is huge (I live in the panhandle) but at least this guy's office might be close. Here are two links to check into:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Vitae-Clinic-Inc/152378451471012

http://www.vitaeaustin.com/

allyouwhohope said...

My heart breaks for you! I know that heaviness. And there's just something about friends who were on birth control talking to you about it.. ya, that's hard. I'm praying for you.

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Praying you are blessed with a much better month ahead!

Patiently Waiting...... said...

I am hopeful for you, friend. But that doesn't make these tough months any easier. I hope you find some answers soon.

Catholic Mutt said...

Some times are definitely harder than others. Praying that it gets better soon!

JellyBelly said...

I'm so sorry that you're having a tough month. You're definitely not alone.

Praying for you!!!!

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

Praying for you! As others have said, you're definitely not alone! Some months seem to hit harder than others. And those conversations with friends just off the pill can be the worst!!

Grace in my Heart said...

I am so sorry, hun. I've been thinking about and praying for you since your last post. It seems as though when it rains, it pours. Hang in there. Hugs.

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

How naive of her, and insensitive. I'm sorry! I am praying that you have renewed hope, joy and peace.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

I hope you feel better soon. :( I just don't understand how people can say that stuff and NOT realize the impact it has. Especially when they are aware of what an IF person is going through! It makes me sad that some people think their fertility is a commodity to be switched on and off at their own whims.

Sending you hugs and prayers. The dark times won't last forever.

God Alone Suffices said...

Ugh. It's been a tough month for me, too. I'm praying for you. Please pray for me, too!

Rebecca said...

Some months are just longer/harder than others - that doesn't make it any easier, and it sure would be nice if we had some kind of warning on CD1 or so to let us know it's gonna be one of "those" months.

I got an email last night from a couple who we've taught 2 of 3 NFP classes to, announcing a pregnancy with a "thanks so much for teaching us, thanks to you we were able to pinpoint the right days and get pregnant on the first attempt." Yes, I expected these emails, but this couple KNOWS about our IF, some acknowledgement would've been nice.

Praying for you!

Leanne said...

i just stumbled upon your blog. maybe the 'tough month' thing is going around. i can really relate to a lot of what you've been posting (i've read back a few months) and here i thought i was all alone. why is it that the friends you thought you had, just leave? i have experienced the same thing and feel so alone in this journey. i just wish that there way a way to connect with someone like you locally...but i can't very well put an announcement in the church bulletin. ugh. i'm going to be following your journey! blessings to you.

anon said...

I'm fairly sure that nobody can understand the pain of IF unless they've been through it. She's probably nervous and focused on her own life, and didn't mean to be hurtful. Prayers for you!

Ania said...

Right there with you, tough month for me too. I'm letting myself stay in the funk for awhile b/c I think ignoring it would make it worse. Sometimes it's the little side comments that hurt the worst. Hang in, Lenten PB's soon!

Karen said...

I'm sorry that this has been such a tough month for you! Praying that it gets better!

Nicole C said...

SO not cool of your friend. Some people are just clueless. I hope your month gets much better soon! Praying for you!

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I think its the worst when you expect the pregnancy announcement and are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hate that your "friend" was so insensitive to you. You don't want to wish infertility on anyone, but sometimes I think if people only experienced it for a little while, just a taste, there wouldn't be such bone-headed comments made to those of us in it for the long haul.
I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you!