She will never know what that feels like...

Today, while I was napping, my dh came in and asked if I wanted to be up by a certain time, since we had things to do. I said, "30 more mins..." and then he sweetly tucked me back in, kissed me and walked out.

At that exact moment my mind raced back to me being a child. I've mentioned a few times on here about how we weren't raised by our parents because of a lot of unimaginable things that would occur.

Some things that I still think about to this day, although I'm definitely in a good place of healing.

There are things were pretty awful and others were smaller things, although still having a huge impact on me.

I've said it before, I have always wanted to be a mom...and especially be the mom I never had.

And now that I know we're having a daughter my mind races in excitement that this little one will always, always know she's loved by her mama and dad.

Going back to earlier today, right after my dh tucked me in it had me thinking back to being a little 3-4 year old. I always yearned for affection and love from my parents, even through abuse and neglect.

And something so simple i desired with my whole heart was to be tucked in.

I can distinctly remember on numerous occasions crying myself to sleep because all I wanted was to be tucked in and my parents wouldn't.

Then fast forward to the summer before second grade and the best thing that could have ever happen to us, happened....my grandparents took us in.

I knew that each night before they went to bed my Gm would come up and check on all of us. I would purposely, no matter how cold I was or tired i was, make sure to not have my covers on and I would also pretend to be asleep because i knew my Gm would, without fail, come in and tuck me in.

I felt so loved in those precious moments, that probably were simple to my Gm.

And I love knowing that our daughter will never know what it feels like to just want to be loved, to yearn for affection or have to fight for it.

Yes, my childhood, in those early years was rough, and we went through things that most children never even know about, but the beauty in all this is that my daughter will never experience any of that.

And something as simple as being tucked in will be something that just happens for her and she will not know what it feels like to fall asleep feeling unloved or unwanted.

That's one thing I can guarantee...hugs, kisses, lots of love and snuggly tuck-ins at night.

And how my heart fills with utter joy thinking about tucking her in.


Sweet little one, we love you so much...

"Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep." [H. Jackson Brown, Jr.]