Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mon and Tue in pictures and apparently numbers also

I'm into posting pics lately...maybe because I'm not posting on FB so I feel the need to post here!

Anyways, yesterday was Monday (obviously) and Mondays are never that great, but I tried. Here's the top 4 things that made my Monday brighter...

1) Nannying for this little smiley three month old:

2) Thai tea boba tea! When I remembered I was going to take the picture I had already finished me, it was yummy!!:

3) Spring Rolls for lunch from a yummy Pho place:

4) And lastly, wearing a pink flower and teal the color combo! When my Gm saw me last night she asked, "Oh! A pretty flower!! What are you celebrating?!" I told her, "The fact that it's Monday and I don't even mind!

So that was Monday! And surprisingly, I had a wonderful day, even though I was going on like 3 hours of sleep!

And for today...well Cd1 hit (or is about to, started spotting and cramping today), reeeeeaaaaallly late for me (36 days!!), and this cycle consisted of (get ready for more numbers!):

1) weeks 1-3 me being rather down. Funk with a capital F every day. Foggy mind, weight on the chest, anger, sadness and bitterness kinda Funk. Prayer didn't seem to help and I just felt miserable.

2) Not seeing one.single.thing whilst wiping (oh, I share too much!) around my normal "alleged" ovulation time.

3) No sore at all.

4) Super sensitive and emotional-even more than my normal self...which is a lot!

Anyways, I'm guessing since I was so down at the beginning of the cycle-and only as of last week start feeling better-I'm not feeling out of sorts with this (almost) Cd1 because I'm just so beyond grateful that I'm feeling better again.

God is good that way. I would probably lose it if I was still in my Funk AND hormonal and crampy at the same time.

Which brings me to yet another number list for today. I call this my, "feel sorry for me but then not really because it works out in the end" list:

1) I lost $20 at the grocery store getting ingredients for dinner [sliders, shown below!].

2) On the way home someone cut me off and I started to cry, thinking, "why are people so mean?!" Hello PMS!!

3) Got home and realized I forgot the main ingredient, the meat. So I had to drive all the way back to the store!

But, God was looking out for this crazy girl because when I got there I found out someone turned in my $20! So if I hadn't forgotten the meat I wouldn't have known that my money was turned in!

See, God is good! And I'll try my best to celebrate these little things!!

And for my last list, two things I'm grateful for:

1) My husband who is going to that ice cream shop I talked about in my last post right now to get us dessert because he's awesome and knows I only ever crave desserts when I'm around/on my period.

2) This was the beautiful view God had for me tonight after leaving the store for the second time:

See, God is good!

Don't forget to celebrate the little things!

P.s sorry this post has so much going on..I guess it's a pretty good idea of what my mind has been like these last couple days!!!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

My last few days... pictures!
Not going to say who ;) I got this awesome score against...but it was my highest I've ever gotten and so I just had to post:

I got teased quite a bit for wearing this shirt...think highlighter yellow!! Everytime i would walk into a room, people were like, "wow-there you are!" There are tons of bright colors at Tar.get and I just love the brightness-which the picture doesn't quite capture (ignore my awkward pose, sometimes I'm just awkward I guess):

I got to spend time with my nose running, slobber lips, fast crawling, smiley, sweet nephew (who will be a year next month!!):

I'm trying to start this book but am not very motivated. Anybody read this series yet?

Found this tank top (which I'll layer) for $6 at forever 21. I love lace and am trying to be more brave and just wear it:

We discovered a new ice cream place. Lots of flavors of fresh baked cookies+ lots of yummy ice cream=sooooo delicious.

My sweet man took me to see this tonight, and I only cried a few times:

Then walking out, I saw this and got SOOOOO excited!!! I'm so obsessed with this series and can.not.wait til the movie comes out:

That's all folks.

"Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today." [Dale Carnegie]

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Easy craft and what giving up FB has caused me to do

If you have kids, or sweet nieces and nephews or nanny for a youngster, you should definitely try this because: 1)it's soooo easy and 2)it's quite fun!

All you need is:
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup cold water
A few drops of food coloring
Voila, you have chalkboard paint!

Take an old paintbrush and go outside and enjoy the gorgeous weather all while decorating that driveway!

I watch a 3 year old girl and she loved not only painting with it but also making it!

I just had to share this because I couldn't get over how easy it was and besides, it's been too long since I've mentioned anything about crafting!

On a completely different note, no FB=cleaning and organizing! I turned my anxiety yesterday into cleaning and organizing the kitchen cabinets! The spice cabinet was the worst. This first picture shows what was all crammed inside (pretty much same order also!!) and the second is the after!

Notice all those spice jars in the top of the first picture? Those were filled with old spices I've never used!! Looks like I will have something for a craft some day! Also, that bag filled with trash was old outdated stuff that was crammed in there also!

It felt quite good to get the kitchen cabinets in made me not even miss FB that much.

Wait, who am I kidding? I definitely still missed it!

Anyways, hope Lent is treating everyone well so far! And if you want an easy craft-go try that chalkboard paint!

As for me...I'm off to organize the master bedroom!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


You know you have a problem when you are less than an hour away from giving up FB (and til Easter...and you are feeling quite anxious!


I've given up other things but these two things are causing the most anxiety for me.

Which means it's a good thing I'm giving them up.

[incase you didn't know, for Catholics and some Christians, the 40 days leading up to Easter are known as Lent and we offer up or sacrifice something we love/enjoy/like to better prepare for Easter... [inanutshellthatswhatsup].

Anyways...I'll update more on how this not so great month as looked up a bit (by the grace of God and the amazing support of my dh) but just wanted to see/ask if anyone else was giving things up that made them anxious this Lenton season.

(stolen from pi.nterest)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tough month.

So, I have this good friend.

I've gotten to know her because both our husbands were in the police academy together.

She informed me a bit ago that she was off birth control to see what would happen...even though they are off it sooner than their 5 year plan (a little over 2 years so far) they're open to seeing what happens.

She knows of our struggles.
She's seen my tears.

And at that same dinner...she says, "and it's so weird being off the pill. Now every time we are together, I freak the heck out thinking that omg we could be making a baby right now."


I'm certain in a short amount of time I'll be getting "that call" because that's what happens...

This month has been rough. Maybe it's because we are still technically taking "time off" or maybe it's because we are slowly in the process of working with doctor h.

Either way this fog over my mind, this heaviness on my chest and this constant lump in my's overwhelming.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I'm definitely down.

Sure, I put on the smile and meet with family and friends and go on as I'm ok.

But this month has been hard.

Why this month?

Where's the hopefulness, the trusting and the offering it up?

It's been so hard.
Ready to start feeling better and feeling hopeful again.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, February 6, 2012

Needing a little reminder...

(Stolen from pin.terest)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

So sad.

I have this friend who I have known since we were in the second grade. We have been close off and on since that time but really the first "break" in our relationship was when we left for college-which I feel is completely understandable.

When I was a sophomore in college she called me out of the blue and I knew something was up because we hadn't spoken in quite a few months (since maybe summer break when we were both home).

She was in tears and her voice was shaky.

My heart sank because I didn't know what she was about to share with me but I knew it was something not good.

She had told me that her and her now "broken up with boyfriend" had just found out they were pregnant.

She was so broken and confused and unsure of what to do.

She had only spoken to her mother, the ex and a couple close college buddies.

I was feeling like God had really called her to talk to me because I would be the voice of "the other side."

You see, her mother was all for terminating the pregnancy, and in fact had told my friend that she had had 3 aborti.ons when she was younger.

She told me this and I was shocked, I guess I knew they were hard core liberals and "free-spirits" but I had never had such a grasp on people I knew having an abo.rtion.

Then of course there was her ex and other friends. ALL pro-choice and about not messing up a women's life and the path she wanted not the one that she didn't plan for.

I of course told her that she should pray about this and think about this and that I had some really great resources for her and people she could talk to about what was happening.

I talked to her about adoption about how that at this point there was no going back, that this baby was already here...and with a heart beat and fingers and toes.

She sobbed on the phone saying she was so confused and wasn't sure what she was suppose to do.

I begged her to pray long and hard and please talk to someone with more advice as to what she could do after the baby was born.

We got off the phone and I told me bf (now dh), in tears, what had just happened. Him and I stopped and said a prayer for her, the ex, and the baby.

Hearing her cry and acknowledge the fact that she knew she was indeed pregnant with a baby, I just knew in my heart she would choose life.

Not so...

A few weeks later I got a text that her and her ex decided that at this time in their lives it wouldn't work out to have a baby and so they "took care of it."

My heart was devastated and I cried for the loss and I cried knowing that my friend would be in pain dealing with this.

We lost touch for awhile and I knew it was because she was probably worried about what I would say/think/feel.

Fast forward to the next summer break: my usual group of close gf's that got together, when home from college, all decided to go out and grab drinks to welcome the summertime fun.

We all had a blast and enjoyed relaxing and not thinking about school and worrying about homework.

Then at the end of the night I had noticed my one friend had a little too much to drink and so I offered to drive her home seeing as her parent's lived right around the corner from me.

Right before I turned on her street she broke down.

Through her tears she said, "I can't believe I killed my baby. But I just know it wouldn't have worked out. I have so much I want to do with my life. Live in NY. Be on broadway. Get married to someone I love. Live my life. BUT, I can't believe that I killed my baby."

I had tears in my eyes seeing my friend so broken and in pain. All I could muster out was that her baby was now safely in heaven and I told her that I would pray for her healing.

And that was that.

That event was never talked about again.

I couldn't help but think about what it was like for her to get married (now two years) to a new, amazing man and knowingly and willingly discuss the excitement of having children.

She must still think about what happened in college even though she puts on a front.

The thing that breaks my heart the most is that noone else knows of that night between the two of us. If they did, they wouldn't believe it. You see, she is HARD core pro-choice and women's rights.

But I know she aches somewhere deep inside, even if she chooses to not think about it right now.

It's hard for me, because I had that moment with her, the moment where my "pro-choice, women's right" friend broke down and told me she was in pain because she knew she killed her baby.

I've even tried to be careful what I say on FB because I don't want to hurt her. My dh says I need to just be open-for example, during the March for life, I usually just say "a person's a person no matter how small" and even though I love this quote I would love to post a beautiful picture of a 7 week old baby showing their perfect little toes and fingers and well...I always hold back because I don't want her to be in pain.

And she's usually pretty hush hush on the whole pro-choice subject, but then today, I log on and see this:

And I wanted to say something SO badly...but I don't like confrontation and I don't want to hurt her because I KNOW how she felt after her abort.ion.

I guess I just wish there was a "dis-like" button on FB because that way people could tell I just don't like something but am not looking for an argument or fight...which I would surely get if I said something, and most likely not from her but from her very open and very loud liberal friends.

I honestly have no idea of where I am going with this. I most likely will not say something but I am feeling more and more like I should speak up about what I feel is important (a person's a person no matter how small) and just realize that if people get angry (which I have seen with others on fb) then they can simply "un-friend" me.

Another great fear I have with all this...getting the call or text from her saying "we're expecting!!" and not being angry with her for wanting this one and not the other one. I guess we will cross that bridge when it comes. Hopefully I will have a sweet one nestled in my arms when that happens...

Sorry for the long rant...I had to get it off my chest.