Sunday, December 4, 2011

Adoption advice. ***UPDATE!**

***I talked more today with my MIL and I had it wrong (not shocking, this was some major news and my heart and mind were racing!!)...apparently it's not family at all, it's the family member's (my MIL's uncle's great grandson's) girlfiend's the uneasiness of possibly being within family is not even there. My dh is still overwhelmed but open...please continue the prayers!!! Who knows what will happen all I know is that I trust HIM. ***

My dh and I have been trying for nearly 4 years now.
We have been open to life since we got married 4.5 years ago.

We have prayed that God leads us where he wants in regards to growing our family.

And the last so many years...this has been to doctors, pursuing getting me healthy and hopefully pregnant.

He's never let us down and it seems that each time we grow a little closer and closer to growing our family.

And now, we have prayed and feel that we will look into pursing treatment in Omaha with Doctor H (making the call tomorrow please say a prayer!!!) and feel extremely at peace and hopeful and excited.

We've always been opened to the idea of adoption, just never felt it was our time.

Until today.

My MIL approached me this morning with this:

Her uncle's daughter's son's girlfriend (who is 18) is pregnant with her second (the first she had when she was 15 with another man/boy) and was going to have an abortion but decided they want to pursue adoption.

She is 3.5 months along.

My MIL said she prayed about it and since she's worked with pregnant teens in the past, she knew that if she was going to pursue a private adoption, she would need to do that before she showed her to the local crisis pregnancy center and adoption agency.

She said she prayed about it and me and my dh came to her mind.

She had never thought of us before because we are "soo young" and even though we have been trying for awhile we are just "sooo young."

Anyways, I guess this has put a big responsibility on us...pray about/discern about/research about/and look into what it all means to adopt, and within family.

The thing is, my husband and I have not seen anyone on that side of the family (aside from my MIL's aunt and uncle once a year if that) and met these people.

BUT, the young couple want a closed adoption and do not want to know us/or whoever it is that is called to be this little ones parents.

How would that even begin to work within a family?

Sure, my family has had "in the family" adoptions before-my cousin was adopted by bio mom's dad, and my brothers and I were raised by my grandparents, but it's still so new to me to think of in the realms of US...and MY baby...and OUR family...

My husband was at first nervous and skeptical, but with lots of discussion he and I both decided to pray about it and look into what this could all mean.

I guess, I'm just curious and wondering what y'all thought? Would this cause way too many hardships than blessings? I don't want the family to feel unsettled at all.

And even though the bio mom and dad don't want to know who the adopted parents could this be kept from the grandparent/great grandparents, especially because the great grandparents (my MIL's aunt and uncle) still keep in contact with my MIL and FIL?

My heart is already filled to the brim with the idea that this little soul was put into outr lives for a reason...whether it be that we are called to be their parents...or that they decide to parent and so we are called spiritually adopt him/her...or that maybe we are suppose to help lead this baby to another family.

I am not sure.

All I do know is that my mind is racing and my thoughts are going all over the place.

Please pray for us.

And offer any advice you have in regards to adoption/adoption within extended families/advice in general!!



Amanda @ "All in His Perfect Timing" said...

No advice about adopting within a family. My MIL was adopted by her aunt ... who lived in Kansas, when her birth mom lived in Massachusetts. It was probably termed a "closed" adoption, b/c of the distance, esp. back then in the late 50's / early 60's.
I would definitely pray about this. Perhaps some of the birth parent's requests will change ... about openness, etc. Also, if they don't live close by, that would be an advantage as well. Perhaps they will be fond of knowing that a family member will look after and care for their baby.
I'll be praying for you and for this situation to resolve. How EXCITING that God has put this desire into your hearts ... and I pray that it is fulfilled!

January said...

Oh my goodness! This is so big! I have no advice at all, but I'll be praying for you all no matter what.

Grace in my Heart said...

My advice is GO FOR IT! :). I don't know anyone adopted within a family, but if you rarely see that side I don't think it would be awkward. How exciting! I'll be praying!

My Heart Exults... said...

No advice here either, but I will pray for you!

God Alone Suffices said...

Wow! So exciting! I've obviously never adopted before, but I'll definitely be praying for you!

JellyBelly said...

I don't have any advice, but I have many, many prayers!

Good luck calling PPVI! You may have to play phone tag, but it's so worth it!

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

That's great about Omaha! Hopefully, you already have at least 3 months of charting so you will be ready to get the ball rolling. Excited for you!

As for the adoption, I don't really have any advice. My sister called us about a year ago telling us she was pregnant again and that she didn't want the baby, and asked us if we would adopt. We were in the process of thinking about it when the requests for money, etc. started coming in, and we said forget it. I did not want to be blackmailed for the rest of my life.

I think it is a good sign that they want a closed adoption. But, I agree, how would it really be closed if the great grandparents are aware of it. At some point, someone is going to speak about it. Praying for you that the Lord leads you in your decision.

Sew said...

I had a few of these situations come up....

So excited about Omaha!!! Who are you working with now? Are you charing Creighton? There aren't any local CRMS dr.'s who can help you?

My only advice is too just go with it. The door will shut if its not meant to be. Don't worry about all the particulars at this time. Anything can change....So I would just remain open and not worry. Possible? LOL

Sarah said...

I don't have any wisdom here, but can see some potential good in going for this adoptive situation, especially if you really do barely know/see that side of the family. Hmmm. Yeah, I say pray and be open for a little while longer and see what God does here. How exciting to pondering adoption at all though... who knows what doors could open with this first step.

Regarding Omaha... very exciting!

CM said...

I don't have any advice, but know that I will be praying both for Omaha and this situation!

Rebecca said...

I have no advice, just many many prayers!

Anonymous said...

God will pave the way. Say yes to the adoption. Hearts can change!

The IF Cross said...

Can't give you advice, But I will for sure keep you in my prayers...Also, I have awarded you a Liebster Blog award! I love your blog. Check out my blog on how to pass on the award to other bloggers :)

Mary said...

A fellow blogger has first-hand experience with in-family adoption so I'm going to refer her to this post so she can give you any advice she has! She is wonderful :)

I'll be praying for you all. And I am very glad you are calling Omaha!

Cathy said...

My advice? Pray, hope and don't worry. :)

We adopted my second cousin's baby four years ago, totally open, and it's been a miracle. I'm here if you want to talk.


Cathy said...

Awww just read Mary's comment. Thanks Mar! Love ya!

Rebecca said...

Back to say I still have prayers but no advice...but there is an award for you at my blog :).

Miss Jill and Mister John said...

Offering prayers for you.
As others have said, God will lead you.

As for akwardness, there's so many great books that offer good advice for dealing with adoption. You'll be able to learn how to deal with the situations just fine. It would become normal. And my personal feeling is that it would be a blessing to have a bio-grandparents that knew and loved your child. (Again plenty of resources to prepare for such sticky relationships.)

Lots of prayers :)

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM SO PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! ADOPTION is SUCH a blessing!!!!!!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Exciting!!! Praying for ya!!!!

Ania said...

Like so many have said, no advice, but sending prayers. I hope you and DH are at peace with whatever you decide. I like what SEW said, the door will close if it's not meant to be.

Megan said...


BlessedBeLord said...

Praying that God opens doors for you. And now that it's not within family, I am so hopeful for you. God is so good..