Friday, December 16, 2011

One door closes as another opens.

Today my heart is filled with both joy and sadness.

Short story of the sadness and door closing:
The young mother who was open to adoption and who we were thinking about adopting from, decided that drugs and alcohol were more important than having a baby.

I think she was nearly 4 months along and she aborted the baby.

My heart feels crushed because this situation brought so much excitement and joyful anticipation for both my dh and I.

But now, that baby is in heaven.

I have tears in my eyes as I type this. It's like I said before, whatever the outcome with the situation (this was before I found out about the abortion) I felt such a strong connection to this little soul and would pray for them and the mother.

I will still pray, but my heart is aching through the prayers because I would have done anything I could have to help that baby have a long and happy and loved life.

But it wasn't my choice.

Please pray for this young mom, M.

Now, as for the other door opening:
Well, I finally mustered up the courage to call PPVI today. I got the information I needed and got off the phone feeling SO excited and so JOYFUL that this was something that was going to bring good things for my dh and I.

That excitement was cut short because literally about 5 minutes after I called, my MIL called me with the sad news.

So many mixed emotions today, tears of sadness and heart break, mixed with a joyful anticipation for this next step in our fertility journey with PPVI.

I trust Him.

Even through the trusting, it still hurts though.
A lot.
My heart is broken.


Rebecca said...

I am so sorry and I will pray for that sweet baby and M.

Your grace and love in handling this situation are so beautiful and truly an inspiration. Prayers as you move forward with PPVI and that you are blessed with a successful adoption experience someday.

Anonymous said...

I just want to say your blog is beautiful. I struggle with secondary infertility and your outlook keeps me focused on how good God truly is.

My heart is breaking over the loss of this innocent life. As you said this little soul is now with God. Yet, it is another disappointment for you.

I follow your blog from time to time because I really believe one day you will get to be a mommy. Hope your doctor visits get you closer to that day.

Will remember to pray for you and that precious life taken too soon.

St. Rita's Roses said...

I am so sorry for baby and yes, he/she is in heaven w/ our Dear Father.

Sending prayers for you and ur DH as u explore Omaha!!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Heartbreaking, heartbreaking, heartbreaking. Lord, have mercy.

So hopeful for you and your association with PPVI!!

God Alone Suffices said...

Oh no! I am so sorry. :(

BlessedBeLord said...

Oh my God! This is heartbreaking. I am so so sorry. Praying for the precious little soul. Praying that God heals your broken heart and guides you as begin your journey with PPVI.

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

How sad! I can't believe it. And how selfish. That poor little baby. I will pray for him/her and the "mother" that made that choice. Prayers for you, too, as you process this news.

So glad you called PPVI. A giant step in the right direction!

Grace in my Heart said...

Oh I'm so sorry! I will be praying for that mother and for your new journey w/ ppvi.

A Martha trying to be Mary said...

I have tears in my eyes from reading about this abortion. I cannot comprehend it. So sad and it speaks volumes about our society.

Yet I am so happy at the very same time aboutyour call to PPVI. I have never ever regreted it. I pray that you find answers, the right treament and your baby.

Perfect Power in Weakness said...

Oh. My. Goodness. How terribly sad. Poor little soul who never had the chance at life outside the womb. Some people I will never understand. Prayers for all...including you and your DH as your hopes were dashed today.

Ania said...

This is horrible! I am just so shocked, after 16 weeks. This is something I'll never be able to wrap my head around. Praying for you and M.

I'm so glad you called PPVI though!

Sew said...

awful, awful, awful, so sad. :(

Glad you made the call!!!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

How devastating. :( I will definitely pray for her. She was about as far along as me...I can't imagine, can't even fathom it. I will never, ever know how someone can not understand the miracle and blessing of life in their womb.

BUT I am so proud of you for calling PPVI!! Tell me all about what they said!!

Donna said...

So, so hearbreaking! My prayers to you and DH as well as the young woman who made such a choice.

January said...

I am so sorry. Praying for you and your DH.

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

I am so, so sorry. That is just heartbreaking. I will pray for all of you.

Nicole C said...

I have a pit in my stomach. I'm SO sorry.

Rachel said...

This is so sad. Praying for you and your husband.

Rachel said...

This is so sad. Praying for you and your husband.

My Heart Exults... said...

This is sad indeed. I will pray for all of you, and that the door to PPVI Institute bears much fruit...soon!

JellyBelly said...

How horribly sad! Praying for both the baby and his/her mother.

I am so excited as you start down this new path. I am praying for you!!!!

Sarah said...

Oh I am so so sorry. So heartbreaking.

Congrats on calling PPVI... they are the best!

CM said...

SO sad to hear about that sweet child, and that mother. I can only think that she must be in a very dark place. Praying for them and for you, and praying for good things in Omaha!

Anonymous said...

what terrible news. I believe this young woman and baby were put in your life because they need your prayers. I will join you in those prayers.

I am happy you contacted Omaha! Huge step forward.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Oh my, so heartbreaking...I can't imagine. Prayers coming for you, your family, the mother, and the little one in heaven. I think you will have a powerful intercessor in heaven from now on!!!

polkadot said...

I'm so so sorry. This just brings me to tears. I am praying for you and the mom M.

I'm glad you finally called PPVI! (I was going to post their phone number in a comment if you waited any longer.) ;)

Thankful said...

I am so sorry! Prayers for all involved. Congratulations on making the call to PPVI!

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

This is horrible! Unbelievably horrible! I've been praying for the baby and mother and for you both ... that she would pick you. I am so, so sorry that this has happened. I will continue to pray for you all.
I pray also that PPVI provides answers for you. The doctors there have so much knowledge.