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Monday, December 19, 2011

Feeling a little defeated

Ever since hearing the horrible news this past weekend, I spent the rest of the weekend in a fog, crying more than I thought I would and feeling sort of numb.

I know it's going to take sometime to heal from hearing about the loss of the baby. It's just that I thought the worst case scenario would be that she chooses another family or chooses to keep the baby...which both of those don't seem bad at all. I just never ever even thought abortion.

It still makes me so sad to know that is what happened but I'm going to continue to pray for her-as hard as it may be.

It just hurts.

Moving on...

In cycle news...I started spotting today, a couple days sooner than I have been averaging...which is awesome...wa'freakin'who for having your period on/around Christmas eve/Christmas.

I'm already so emotional from things, now add in hormones and I am a big mess.

Oh and, add in another pregnancy announcement (Dh's cousin, it's their second..they married 2 weeks after us-but who's thinking about that, now?!) and that really has sent me into a funk.

I really hate feeling like this. But one can not be always cheerful with hope and smiles spilling out their wazoo...no, the sadness, bitterness and anger come out from time to time as well.

I am going to try my best to get out of this funk ASAP though because I do not want my own little funk to fog why we are celebrating this time of year.

Ugh, I hate feeling like this...

"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
'I will try again tomorrow.'"

24 comments:

Ania said...

You won't be the only one. I'm expecting AF to appear sometime between the 21st and 23rd. (Hugs)

God Alone Suffices said...

CD3, here. :(

I'm so sorry about the baby. My heart hurts for you.

Sew said...

I'm so sorry....no words, just prayers.

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

Still praying for you. I know it's hard.

CM said...

That's a really sweet quote. I will be praying for you for sure!

JellyBelly said...

I'm praying for you girl!!

2012 is going to be so big for you, I know it!

January said...

Praying so hard for you! ::hug::

Hebrews 11:1 said...

You are right. Having a positive attitude is a great thing, but it's impossible to do it all the time, and you do have to let yourself feel the bad feelings, they have to get out. Don't beat yourself up for feeling sad or upset. Anyone would be, in this situation!

I LOVE that quote at the end of your post, and I always have. Only if you've been through IF do you know the courage and strength it takes to sometimes just get through the day--so, on the tough days, be proud of that, feel victorious. And, I think that little baby is your angel in heaven now.

Rebecca said...

I love that quote - I've written an entire post around it in fact...

I know what you mean about hating feeling like this - I have to keep reminding myself that it's Christmas in a few days, that like it or not I will be surrounded with family and questions and joy when what I'd most like to do is stay in bed.

I can't imagine the hurt that comes with what you'v been through in the last few weeks and you will be in my prayers over the coming days and weeks.

And we will all try again tomorrow, because somehow that is all we have.

Sarah said...

So sorry. You have a lot to process, so go easy on yourself. Praying.

Nicole C said...

I still have a pit in my stomach. It's certainly ok to be angry about something like this!

Brit said...

Praying praying praying for you :( If you were in hug range I would give you one of those too -- but a virtual one will have to do.

Julie said...

Life is precious and it is always devastating when someone takes the life of another human being. Death is hard enough, but murder take it to another level. I am so sorry that you had to endure this so close to Christmas.
Praying for you!

Made For Another World said...

So sad. Praying for you, the mother and the child. Hang in there sweetie.

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

I'm so sorry. Sometimes it all piles up and is too much. Its hard to be happy with all the sadness you've been experiencing ... especially the news about the baby. I will pray for you that your heart lightens at least for Christmas.
Your ending quote is so lovely. One of my favorites! I never tire of reading/hearing it. Prayers as you continue on tomorrow.

Mary said...

urgh :( been praying for you and that baby/baby's mom. I wish I could give you a hug :(

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