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Friday, March 2, 2012

Do y'all remember?

Do y'all remember this post? The one were I talked about how I handled finding out my big brother and SIL were pregnant a month after they got married?

Do y'all remember me taking about how great I handled it? And how I was truly excited for them?

And I was happy?

Well...today, my brother texted me a sweet picture of my nephew.

Who will be one at the end of this month.

Who is so stinkin' adorable it's not even funny.

Oh, and he was wearing a big brother shirt.

...

This time around I'm not handling it as well.

It sucks being on vacation, away from my dh, on my period and hearing this.

I want to so badly to just.be.happy for them.

I want to celebrate.

I want to call and share my well wishes.

But instead, the ugliness that is IF has me hiding in the bathroom in tears and hurting.

I was healing.

I was feeling so much better.

My crappy month was behind me.

And here I am handling this so poorly.

And with so many stupid, stupid tears...

I hate that.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

22 comments:

Laura said...

I'm sorry. Please let yourself cry. Get it all out and don't feel bad about it. It's hard and we've all been there. Sending you hugs and strength today.

Rebecca said...

Oh I am so so sorry. I hate that IF strips us of good feelings. It's enough to have to wait and be sad for ourselves, but it is so not fair that the joys we want to feel are taken from us too.
Sending much love and many prayers your way.

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

I'm sorry! That stinks. I totally don't like the way he broke that news to you. Ugh. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Hugs. So sorry. I know how hard that can be.

Please don't beat yourself up for not feeling happy for them. Sometimes, you just can't, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, and it doesn't mean you don't care about them.

Wish I could come hug you. :( Be good to yourself.

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

I am so sorry... what a difficult way to find out. And like the others said, don't be hard on yourself. We've all been there and have felt the same way. Hugs!!

Julie said...

I am so sorry! You are totally being lapped and it hurts.
Prayers for healing for you

Sew said...

I'm so sorry.....Breaks my heart for you. :(

Grace in my Heart said...

Been there, done that (twice.) It's no fun and I completely know how you feel. I'm so sorry your hubby isn't there to comfort you...that was always how I made it through. Can you sneak away for some alone time to talk to him on the phone and get some ice cream? I'll be praying for you.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

The tears aren't stupid...let them fall...sending virtual hugs and prayers your way....

motheringspirit said...

I am so sorry. I remember a day just like that when we got the same news from our bro/sis-in-law. I was a wreck. Praying for you...

Perfect Power in Weakness said...

Ugh! That is so hard. I'm so sorry.

Jenny said...

One of the worst things of IF... feeling 'un-happy' when good things happen to other people. I tried to reconcile that feeling for years - it made me feel so guilty! But finally, someone told me I couldn't reconcile it. I just had to feel it and not beat myself up for it. Very true.

Big Big Hugs to you!

Ania said...

Funny how some hit you harder than others, esp. as more time goes on. We've all felt like you do and it's ok. When it counts, like when the child is born, I know you'll do nothing less than love the kiddo to death. You're a loving person and you'll get there eventually. It's alright if you're not there right now.

Karen said...

I'm so sorry...felt the same way when my brother got engaged last summer. Will say a prayer for you!

Catholic Mutt said...

Pregnancy announcements can be SO hard. Praying for you!

allyouwhohope said...

I'm so, so sorry. It is just plain hard. One of the hardest parts of infertility, in my opinion. But you're a better person than me because I never gave too much thought to wanting to be happy for others. You have such a big heart that you even are worried about that right now. Please do something very special for yourself!!

Donna said...

I am so sorry! Praying!

JellyBelly said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this! You're not alone, please don't ever forget that!

Praying for you!!!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

I know how you feel... the feeling selfish and guilty on top of the pain and anger and sadness... it makes it altogether unbearable.

I'm so so sorry :(

Made For Another World said...

Praying your heart will heal.

Faith makes things possible said...

Once again you ladies have helped me feel not so alone and not so crazy. Thankfully today and yesterday were a bit better-it helps snuggling up with my little nephew and running around with the two older ones.

Thank you for your sweet comments and prayers. Know that it's a two sided thing-y'all are def in my prayers also.

Mary said...

aw sweetie :( ugh. I hate this for you. Let yourself be sad for a while and when you feel better, then call them. Sorry I missed this when you first posted!
BIG BIG HUGS. Wish you were nearby!