background

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

6.8

Yup, that's my CD22 progesterone level this cycle. Meaning?

No ovulation.

Whoopty freakin' doooo.

So glad I had the surgery and am still where I was before. No, not really. It made me so mad to hear this.

Ok, all bitterness aside...really I was hurting. I got the call in the midst of dealing with a few other crummy life stresses. I felt like I was living the whole, "when it rains it pours" saying to a tee.

My plate is def full now and yesterday was my breaking point.

I.lost.it.

Tears flowed like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't blow my nose fast enough to keep the snot from dripping down my face. My eyes were puffy. My body hot from crying so hard.

Real grown up and sexy huh?

I had a grown up tantrum full of, "why does God hate me and want to punish me so?" to "don't even say you understand what I feel right now!!"-to my husband.

I was angry. Dealing with IF on top of 3 other stressful issues, well...I couldn't take another piece of bad news.

Well, then my cute, adorable stinky puppy ate my flowers that my Gm gave me.

You see, the world was indeed against me.

I'm not proud of how I handled my little grown up tantrum. Not proud at all. The fact that my husband stood by my side throughout it all, well all I can say is that he is my greatest blessing.

I apologized for my poor reaction and of course, he was his sweet, supportive self and said that it was, ok and that he was there no matter what.

How I got him, God only knows.

But really, yesterday was crummy and today I woke up and said a little prayer that God would help me have strength, courage and confidence to handle the hardships that are inevitable with life.

Without the tough times how could you truly, TRULY, appreciate the beautiful times?

Also, today I'm also reminding myself that moments like yesterday usually occur when I'm not praying enough and trying to handle it all on my own. I def need to pray more. I lose sight of what's really important when I put prayer on the back burner. Why is it so easy to do? Especially when you realize just how much you need prayer to make it in this crazy world, you would think this wouldn't happen as much as it does.

But it does.

So, today I resolve to work harder on my prayer life.

And lastly, I could not have stumbled across this quote at a more perfect time:

"Lack of prayer is the cause for lack of time.(Peter Kreeft)

Priorities people, priorities.

16 comments:

Sew said...

Wait a CD22 progesterone might not even be correct....How many days past peak were you? You actually might not be as bad off as you think.....But then I'm just stepping in and butting my nose into your labwork.....Are you charting Creighton because a CD22 isn't that reliable. ;)

Faith makes things possible said...

Looking at my chart, I was 8 days past my peak....

What are you getting at crazy one? ;) All I know is that the nurse said my number and then said no ovulation occurred....

You would think after 3 years of dealing with IF I would better understand my numbers, but really...I'm still learning!

Thanks, any advice helps!

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

Awe hang in there. I'm happy you realized you need to do more praying...that is positive! Thank goodness you realize this and you don't think of other things to fix the problem. This is the best solution. This makes the Lord so happy. Turn that frown upside down and know that I just said a little prayer for you. Great quote by the way:)

Megan said...

I'm so sorry. :( What sucky news. I don't blame you one bit for being so upset, and and we all have adult temper tantrums every once in awhile.

I love the quote by Peter Kreeft! So true! Praying for you!

Sew said...

girl, talking all mainstream...okay 8 days past peak makes more sense...

Are you on any medication...

I really don't know what 'm talking about... ;) hahahaha

But I have literally have had numbers like that medicated on clomid and HCG....

:)

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

I hate "pile it on, seriously can I take any more of this junk" kind of days. Sorry you had one. I hope something fills you with JOY today!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I’m so sorry. I hate when everything comes crashing down.

Sew was just making sure you were getting it checked around 7 days past peak/suspected ovulation (which you were) and not just on a specific calendar day. Some doctors just routinely test on only CD 21/22 without paying any attention to the particular patient and that isn’t accurate unless the girl ovulated around CD14, but you were fine since you were 8 days past peak. This is my info. & your dr. may go by other values, but generally they look for your peak+7 progesterone to be at least over 10 on an unmedicated cycle to indicate ovulation and at least over 15 on a medicated cycle (such as clomid or femera). Sorry for the unsolicited info!

Again, so sorry. I’ve had my fair share of temper tantrums, too.

Lisa said...

I am TOTALLY no expert on this, but I have a question:

Does your cycle include your surgery?

The reason I ask is because I had a hysteroscopy in March 2007 to remove a polyp from my uterus. I continued charting as I had been, not realizing that the surgery "restarted" my cycle (it was like I'd just had a period basically, since the lining was "cleaned out"). My husband came back from a trip to Africa, we were trying to avoid pregnancy for a few more months so I could finish grad school, and then... we got pregnant. Big shocker, but it makes total sense looking back.

So, I guess my question is just: are you sure it's CD22, or did the surgery interfere?

Mary said...

Oh dear girl don't feel bad about your "adult temper tantrum"!!! We all have them! It's totally understandable. I would have done the same (and maybe worse!)... I hope you get some (better!) answers soon and hope that some happy things happen for you the rest of the week!!!

Mary said...

Oh dear girl don't feel bad about your "adult temper tantrum"!!! We all have them! It's totally understandable. I would have done the same (and maybe worse!)... I hope you get some (better!) answers soon and hope that some happy things happen for you the rest of the week!!!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

So sorry about the tough time you are having right now. Please know I am praying for you and offering up my own sufferings for my fellow IF-ers! :) It's okay to have a temper tantrum. I have them all the time. Thank God for supportive and wonderful husbands!

mrsblondies said...

Sorry you are having a tough time right now. It's ok to have a temper tantrum. Sorry that your levels weren't what you hoped and that they'll improve soon.

Faith makes things possible said...

Sew-I was taking progesterone this cycle bc my old doctor said it was low last cycle. Guess it didn't help! I did grt a call that this new cycle I'll be taking clomid (not sure the amount) starting day 5...

Ann-I totally get it now! Let's just say my other two doctors were trained with in NFP so I was spoiled I guess and never thought about how mainstream doctors assume all women's cycles are the same. Thanks to you and sew for pointing this out!

Lisa-not quite sure what you mean. This is my 3rd cycle since my surgery so I guess yes it was CD22. Is that what you meant? Hope so! I love hearing stories like that, may be crazy for you but still exciting! :)

Everyone else-y'all rock.

JellyBelly said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Grace in my Heart said...

I'm so sorry! Big hugs!

Sew said...

Okay, I wouldn't worry too much. I have had a few fluke cycles medicated...It boggles my mind...

Thanks Ann for clarifying. :)

Let's see what happens next month....The clomid will help as well....25mgs? Or they putting you on the 50mgs? It's okay to use your blog to hash out some hormones while on clomid.... ;)