Wednesday, March 2, 2011

She knows the pain too.

There is a unique pain that comes along with the waiting ...the hoping....the longing that accompanies IF.

A pain that some will never fully understand unless they have experienced this pain themselves. And most of us IF strugglers, wouldn't wish the pain on anyone-not even our worst enemies.

Although the pain can make you feel isolated and alone at times, the desire to have a friend that "gets it" and understands you is always there. However, that would mean that dear friend was experiencing/has experienced this gut wrenching pain of waiting...

And well, I've already mentioned that I wouldn't want to wish this pain on an enemy, so most definitely not a friend.

And most MOST definitely not a family member.

Like my SIL and little brother, to be specific.

Yeah, I've mentioned a few times here on my blog that they were trying and having some issues-meaning, they aren't pregnant already! A little background refresher:
-they married in August '09
-from what I know, they waited a couple months before entering the "not, not trying" stage.
-a few months ago she went to her obgyn and he prescribed progesterone supplements. (I have an issue with this because he didn't run any labs or tests. Really my main issue is that I see it as time lost and laziness-on the doctor's part.)
-they told me if after this cycle they weren't pregnant then they would have tests run and check out what could be the problem.
-she's been charting since before they were married.

All in all, I really felt that they were going to be pregnant within a few months of marriage and to be completely honest, this devastated me because I didn't want to be left behind again.

But then as the months went by with no announcement, I started asking my little brother (not to be confused with my Big brother) and he said they were trying but that it hadn't happened. He expressed some concern but wasn't too worried just yet. I then started asking my SIL, who's a bit more reserved and not as open as my little brother was about it. She told me they were trying and that they were hoping that no later than Feb '11 they would be pregnant and if not they would go to the doctors.

When the doctor prescribed the progesterone, I saw how excited they were and how hopeful they were that this would do the trick. Part of me prayed it would and the other part prayed for strength to accept when their big announcement came.

I knew my SIL was starting to experience some of the pains that accompany IF struggles, like when my older brother and SIL announced they were pregnant, I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice, "We are trying. They were not."

But then this morning, I realized that she really, truly felt the pain when I got this text:

"Well, nothing like the news that your 2-month married friend is expecting twins to make the first day of your period that much more exciting...ohh life."

My heart broke for her. All I could respond back with was:
"Oh E!!! :/ I hate that you know the painful feeling that comes along with all this waiting. It appears we both got announcements of some sort on day 1 of our cycles this month. Bottom line: bittersweet. LOVE YOU oh so much!!"

I don't know if that's what she wanted to hear or if that helped at all-all I do know is that I've been very open to them about our struggles and so I'm glad she knows she can talk to me.

I don't want my baby brother and her to know this pain-yet here we are-them a year or so in and the pain seems to be there in full swing.

Please just say a prayer for them-especially my SIL, E, because we all know how fun CD1 is, let alone mixed with a pregnancy announcement!

On a side note, I just had to write a little something in regards to this Pretty lady. Her post literally brought me to tears. Tears because she tried to be so sensitive and compassionate with "spilling the beans" about their pregnancy and tears because I'm truly happy for this new little miracle! I wish that my fertile friends could understand how such an announcement is bittersweet, but most don't take the time to really think about how someone who is struggling to get pregnant could feel. Megan, you are a sweet and wonderful lady and I'm so glad to have "met" you in this blogger world! Congratulations again! :)

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."(Dr.Seuss)


Sarah said...

Oh, I am so sorry your SIL is experiencing this pain. She is blessed to have a SIL like you who can be there for her. I pray you are both mothers soon.

Nicole C said...

I hate hearing that we're adding another Catholic woman to our little "circle." Prayers for your SIL. I'm just glad she has someone like you to march through the trenches with.

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

You are such a sweet soul. I want to meet you one day! As Nicole said, I too hate hearing about these IF issues for yet another person. However, it is special cross that draws us closer to Christ than anything else can. Hugs to you friend. I love reading your thoughts. You are so precious:)

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

I agree about Megan!!! It was such a beautiful post!

You've hit the nail on the head. It's tempting to react negatively when someone announces a pregnancy, yet the alternative- that they're NOT announcing a pregnancy- because they are avoiding or can't get pregnant- THAT is the real pain.

Sara Mc. said...

All of my friends and I have experianced infertility, it's crazy actually because we were all friends before we ever thought of conceiving. It's great to have that support system and understanding... although infertility just plain sucks. Praying for you & for your SIL, I know how hard it is, still is...

JellyBelly said...

Your SIL is so lucky to have you supporting her! This is not the most desirable club to be a part of, but at least she isn't all alone.

Praying for both of you!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

That sucks your SIL is going threw this also.. But she is very lucky to have you there for support. Your both in my prayers!

Megan said...

Thank you! Your post brought me to tears!
You inspire me my friend, and I too am so glad to "know" you!
My prayers are with you and your sister in law that both of your waits will be over soon!