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Thursday, June 16, 2011

I'm so lost

I had a doctor's appointment today to make sure my ovaries aren't being overly stimulated by the clomid.

Ha.

My ovaries be overly stimulated?

Yeah, that's a joke.

Well, he checked me out and then reviewed my chart and said, "Hmm...your body is not responding to clomid...that's not good!"

I wanted to say, "No sh*t!!" But because I'm not rude and I most certainly do not curse at doctors, I simply said that I agreed.

I ask him about having a nice, mature follicle, receiving the trigger shot and then crappy numbers in regards to progesterone. He mentioned that he wonders if it's LUFS, oh joy, and said he'll up the clomid this month and then wants to do follow up sonograms to check and see if I'm actually ovulating.

And then came the words that felt like a swift kick in the gut...

"And if you still don't respond this month to clomid, I just don't know what else I can do. Ilk have to refer you to another specialist." Ie: an IVF doctor.

It took every ounce of my being not to cry right then and there.

Pant less on the table already feeling defeated that the clomid hadn't done anything for me and now I'm being told I'm a lost cause.

I made my next appointments and quickly left.

The moment I stepped outside I put on my over-sized glasses just in time because the tears started flowing...

In our 4 years of marriage I have seen 4 doctors and 3 have said they couldn't do anything for me.

I feel like such a lost cause right now.

Like we're about to have to start all over again.

My heart aches just thinking about this.

I wish I could just fast forward through this cycle and know. Although with my track record I have a pretty good idea what the outcome will be.

I hate PCOS.
Hate it.
Hate it.
Hate it.







14 comments:

Second Chances said...

I'm so sorry. I just found your blog today through the Little Catholic Bubble and wanted to offer my condolences and support. I don't know your history, so I'm sorry if I'm bringing up a touchy subject, but have you tried to work with a NaPro doctor yet? I know there is a very effective surgery that can be done specifically for PCOS. Please feel free to email me for more info, or just ignore this if you've been there done that! Again, so sorry to hear this. PCOS is so difficult.

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I'm so sorry J. It sucks. Prayers.

Grace in my Heart said...

I'm so so sorry. :( Praying for you.

CM said...

Prayers!

St. Rita's Roses said...

Ah...I feel your sadness in this post. I am so sorry! Maybe up'ing the clomid will do the trick. Tell ur Md he stinks and he needs to give you hope! I am praying for you tonight.

Rebecca @ The Road Home said...

Oh I am so sorry! Praying for you.

Perfect Power in Weakness said...

Ugh! I'm so sorry. PCOS is such an ugly disease. What dose of Clomid were you on? I had to up my Clomid as well before my ovaries responded, but now they're doing nothing. Praying a higher dose does the trick!

JellyBelly said...

I'm praying extra for you tonight! Hugs!

Lisa said...

Come down to Austin and go to the Vitae clinic- they do napro. You can stay with me! My kids will be with grandparents for a week in July...

Made For Another World said...

More prayers coming your way... so sorry. I agree with St. Rita's Roses- tell that MD to get a new attitude!

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

I'm so sorry! Praying for you!!

sweet jane said...

My heart hurts reading this and trying to imagine how it felt for you. I'm asking St. Joseph to pay you some attention and help you through this process.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I am so sorry. I will keep praying for you, my sister.

"His Perfect Timing" said...

I'll keep you in my prayers. How frustrating and heartbreaking that your doctor said those things to you! There is an answer ... I'll pray you find one.