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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Easy does it...

I took it easy yesterday and didn't do that much. All I did do was step out for about 2 hours for a bridal shower for a good friend of mine. Her wedding is at the end of August and I am one of the bride's maids so I really wanted to go to this shower.

It really is amazing how stepping back and taking it easy helps. I feel so much better already! For example I woke up this morning on my side! :) I had only been able to sleep on my back since Tuesday and to wake up (and not be in pain) on my side, well...it was glorious!

On a completely different note, I have heard of two big annoucments the last couple of days regarding pregnancy...and I must say, I was beyond thrilled when I read that Mrs. Blondies received a BFP!!! I seriously smiled and laughed out loud when I read that. I am continuing to pray that everything goes well and that she is able to truly enjoy this moment right now! It gives me hope when yet another IFer gets pregnant...

With the other announcement my reaction was quite different. In fact, it was opposite, unfortuntately. My DH and I have some friends that have been married a little over 5 years and she told me last year their big plan coming up this year: travel to Europe, party and live it up one last summer and then in June come off BCP and get pregnant. Part of me hearing this was like, "you don't know...coming off BCP really messes up your cycle and it could take longer" and the other part thought well, it could happen.

And low and behold. Yesterday on FB there was her annoucement...We are pregnant and expecting in March. Her plan worked. I broke down in tears when I read that. Here I was hurting from the surgery and longing to concieve with every ounce of my being and then I thought about the wonderful bloggers who have been trying for so long and aching just as much for this and trying to stay faithful in the meantime. Then there's this couple who is on BCP, choose to wait for 5 years (she wanted to be closer to 30) and bam...they are pregnant the exact month they start "trying".

It's definitely bittersweet. Sweet because a human soul was created and that will always be a beautiful thing. Bitter because I don't understand how God can let so many good people suffer the cross of IF and allow others to concieve so easily.

I really try to not let myself think like this often, though, because I know God has grand plans for all of us. And I have seen first hand, from reading other blogger's stories, the joy that comes from waiting and finally receiving that child from God (whether from adoption or conception).

I know that IF has made a big part of who I am. I know that I have learned to trust God more and more and rely on my faith when I seem to be broken or at my lowest point.

I was so hopeful these last couple of days with knowing that big things could come for me and my DH from this surgery, and then to hear this FB anncoucement, well it brought me back to reality. This isn't easy. It was never meant to be easy.

But you know what, I refuse to let that bring me down. I refuse to let the devil cast any sort of doubt in my mind at this point because God has given us such a sense of peace and hope, that to start to doubt now, would to be say that we don't trust in His will...and we do!

So here I am:

Belly button hurting.

Heart full of hope.

Mind racing with the possibilities to come.

And trusting God throughout all the pain, happiness, laughter and tears.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

6 comments:

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Oh Faith - I am sorry the FB announcement created so much pain. But your pure and humble heart and spirit shines right through in that you recognize the beauty of the soul that was created.

Sorry I have been a bit out of the loop (on vacation), but please know of my continued prayers for your healing! (Oh and the Mrs. Blondies announcement is awesome - I agree!).

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Oh I know exactly how that feels! It's not like you actually want them to have trouble-but you just don't want their selfish "plan" to actually work out so perfectly. I'm sorry it hurt. I hope you keep feeling better!

airing the chapel said...

I'm so sorry that announcement is making you hurt. I had a similar experience today. After Mass, an acquaintance of mine, who just got married a few months ago, told me she's pregnant and due in March. She was so jubilant and lost in her own world, she seemed to take it for granted that life is created so easily. I was super bummed after that. Let's hope for brighter days! ;)

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

ICK on the facebook announcement. :( But here's hoping that they wake up one day. My dh and I started out in a similar way, but we figured it all out and are humble now! (At least we try to be humble.)

So hopeful for your future!! :)

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

I'm glad your surgury went well. And so sorry about the FB announcement :( I hate those, your right it is bittersweet, I don't understand how it works out like that for some, and not for the rest of us..
Praying for you! I hope this surgury did the trick! :)

Faith makes things possible said...

Thanks ladies, it's nice to hear that others have felt the same way about the whole fb announcements! I look foward to the day that all of us girlies have babies in arm! :)