This past weekend into this week...

I haven't posted, although I have wanted to.

The reason why I haven't?

Well...let's just say the end of last week and the beginning of this week have been filled with:

-LOTS of Facebook preggo announcements..
-Some friends saying, "So, when are y'all going to have kids?"
-Family members asking, "So, when are y'all going to have kids?"
-Talking with family and in-laws and friends as they discuss when when they "plan" on having their (2nd,3rd,4th) next little one.
-Getting discouraged because they can "plan" and we cannot.
-Having emotional days feeling far from God.
-Questioning where we should go next in this journey...still feeling like we need to pursue an actual fertility specialist (Austin? Omaha?)...
-Having a few not so fun family arguments in the midst of feeling down but having to "suck it up" because I'm still pretending to be ok.
-Realizing that we are closely coming up on 4 years of trying (with doctors) to conceive...

So, needless to say, if I would have blogged from last week and every day til now it would have been a lot of downer posts and well instead of that...I took the time to step back (well, sortakindaIdidjustmentionalotofwhatwasbringingmedown...cutmesomeslack,thisisstillmy blog,right?!) and pray about it and try and listen to what God was telling me.

And here's what I got so far...

-Give up FB if it gives you that much heart ache.
-If I'm not comfortable with opening up to family or friends about our trials and sufferings to having children...well, then just say, "we are trying..." and move on.
-Smile and say a prayer that when they actually do plan on "trying" that they don't have to suffer from any cross of IF because it hurts so very badly.
-Say the simple prayer of, "God I feel so far from you...please help me to draw closer to you."
-Leaning towards Austin because 1)It's closer to us and 2)We have family down there and 3)I know a pretty awesome blogger who would help me out!
-Realizing that sometimes I am deep into my "IF funk" and most things hurt more than others because well, I'm "deep into my IF funk"...which means, offering it up and realizing that there are simply some times where I am a little more fragile.
-Thanking God that I did not/do not know how long it will take for our family to grow. And knowing that I am BEYOND blessed to have the amazing man by my side supporting, encouraging and loving me during this crazy roller coaster ride...

So, tonight I am offering up all of the pain I have felt the past few days AND all the joy and laughter too...