Please...
Don't tell me to relax.
Because that's what helped you.
It's been over 4 years.
And I have PCOS (and God only knows what else) and it's simply not that easy...
[CanyoutellimgettingjustaWEEbitannoyedwithbeingtoldtorelax].
I think I need a vacation.
And maybe some new ovaries...
That's how that saying goes, right? ;)
Let's just say after being in such a funk this last week I decided I needed a change. And I wanted to actually follow through with doing something I've always wanted to do...
Go red!
Here's the before and the after!
I know that I am not the only person struggling with IF...but these last few days I sure have felt like it.
It seems all my "in real life" friends have lapped me more than once and that so many of my blogger friends have lapped me also...
-insert the sad playing music here...
Maybe it's the fact that it's been over 4 years since we've been seeing doctors and it will be 5 years this June that we have been open to life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so hopeful and so excited to begin working with Doctor H, it's just that emotionally I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed...
Seeing all those wonderful baby posts on FB...
Hearing about pregnancy announcements...
Realizing that our 5 year anniversary is already this summer and thinking, "oh my, where has the time gone.."
Sitting at home, alone at night, while my husband works and realizing that our not so big 1400 square foot home feels rather large...
I've just been feeling so.very.left.out.
My heart hurts and aches for something I've never even known.
The hope is still there-and in full swing-but these middle moments (getting medical records together and finishing up charting) have proven rather difficult on this usually "hope and excitement out the wazoo" lady.
Praying that I'm able to get out of this funk sooner than later and that I'm able to enjoy and cherish the beautiful blessings that are here and now...
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)
I saw this picture on pint.erest and laughed.
Then I rolled my eyes.
If only it were that simple...
Okay, so the title probably comes across as a bit harsh and maybe y'all are thinking, "omg...has FMTP officially lost it?!" but don't worry, I write this post in good spirits!
I don't know if y'all have seen the videos popping up ALL over FB but there's videos for most every group of people (and I'm not condoning them all or anything like that) and the "sh*t they say." For example what guys say, what girls say, etc...
Well, I was laughing with my dh that some IFer needs to come up with a video that says, "The Sh*it non-IFers say to ifers!"
Because I know we've heard it all!! My list would start with (but totally not limited to just) this:
"Just relax! Really, we thought after the first month of trying that we might have troubled too, but them we relaxed! It works!"
"I have like a million friends who have adopted and then got pregnant...you should so adopt! It works!"
"Dog.gy style! Really...it works!!"
"Oh, it's so nice y'all are waiting, you'll understand once y'all actually have kids" (This was said after speaking about our 4 year journey)
-"Y'all are young. Don't worry!" (once again said after talking about years of struggle)
-"Go on a trip...that's when our precious ones were conceived! It really works!"
Aaaaand the list could go on but that's where I would start if I made a video! ;)
What about yall? What crazy advice y'all heard?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I don't know how to explain it, but for some reason this past week I have felt so.much.peace in regards to our next steps in our TTC adventure.
Peace.
Oh sweet, sweet peace.
It's amazing. I haven't felt that huge rock weighing down on my chest or the lump in the back of my throat when I hear of another pregnancy.
It's been so wonderful to feel this peace and hope. I am very aware that these feelings are not forever ones and because of this I CHERISH these moments.
I cling to them.
Cherishing and clinging-that about sums up what I'm doing now.
An update in regards to my charting: I'm getting closer to finishing the mandatory 2 months to send to Doctor H and then I will fill out a check (hello $100 to just get started) and mail those off to Omaha.
Oh the excitement.
A new adventure is upon us and even though we have been seeing doctors for a little over 4 years now, it feels like a fresh new start...perfectly coinciding with the start of the new year.
2012 bring it! :)
(Photo from Pin.terest)
First this:
Yes...I'm so excited because even though I've been "charting" on my phone and keeping track of everything I see (or don't see :/), I knew I needed to have some new charts to document everything to send to Doctor H! Yay! I never thought in a million years I would be this excited about charting! One step closer...(and yes, I purposely placed the white baby stickers on top...thinking positively!) :)
And then, I was so excited to receive my first ever blog giveaway. And although everyone was chosen and got a piece of beautiful jewelry, I didn't care because it was my first ever win! Go me! ;) Here's the bracelet:
It's so pretty and sparkly and I love it! Thank you so much Donna...I'm actually wearing it now-although it's a bit too nice for my jeans, house slippers and old sweater! ;)
Two fun things in the mail today...mixed with bills and dumb cre.dit card applications...what a treat! :)
Happy Tuesday, y'all!
"Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is." (Mark Twain)
We took all the Christmas decorations down today...which is never fun.
But...after I packed all the fun, festive decorations away, the old "everyday decorations" were pulled out and the last glitter and (fake) pine needles were vacuumed up, I went to change out our little chalk message board, by our kitchen, and knew instantly what i needed to see...
A little friendly reminder for tomorrow...and on...
I don't quite get why I have been so emotional the last few days.
Even a sweet friend of mine asked me the other day if it was "that time of the month" because I was tearing up when she was talking about how much she loved her bf and how she was trusting in God's timing for the next step...their engagement.
I told her no, no where near CD1.
It's so strange, even for me, to be crying and getting goosebumps all.day.long. over every.little.thing.
BUT...I think I credit it to being the first of the year and there's something about the first of the year that brings about so much hope and anticipation for what the year will hold for us.
If anyone is lacking in the hope department...just talk to me and I'll happily give you some of the ample amounts of hope that I have.
I've mentioned it before, there's really no reason for THIS much hope but I won't question it.
I love it.
So, today is CD20 and a couple days ago was the first time I saw anything worth getting too excited about (just a very small amount of fertile cm) but still I allowed myself to think positively and run with that hope.
Then here we are CD20 and I have seen quite a bit of good cm...which of course has me thinking and has me hoping. It's been awhile since I've seen anything that good so that makes me feel like maybe my body isn't completely useless, but then again...it's my body and I just never know!
Either way, whether this month brings about something that we have been dreaming about and striving for for over 4 years or if it's brings another CD1...I'm ok because we are making steps in the right direction.
I'm in the middle of getting my charts done to send up to Omaha and I am excited for all that has in store for us.
Then again, seeing this good cm today has me thinking...and hoping...and I'm ok with that!
I'll end with a funny story. Tonight at Mass on the way in I noticed a pamphlet that said "Catholics and Infertility" and was shocked...I've NEVER seen or heard anyone talking about IF at my church or any of the church's I've visited. So on the way out I grabbed it and my husband whispered, "what's that?" and I showed it to me him.
Then he gave me this shocked and confused look.
Apparently he thought it said, "Catholics and infidelity.."
I, of course, laughed and said, "yes, babe...this is how I was going to tell you about my boyfriend..."
It was quite funny though and we both got a good laugh out of it. I haven't read through it but I will say one thing, it brought me much comfort to see that they were offering this because there were so many times (still are) that I feel quite left out when it comes to IF and the Church talking about it.
So in a nutshell:
-Thankful for all this hope!
-Say a prayer for me that my body is doing something worthwhile (ovulateovualateovulate!)
-I have not cheated on my husband.
-Yay for pamphlets with information about IF and the Church.
“Your journey has molded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.”
(Asha Tyson)
I am still in a bit of disbelief that it is already a new year...2011 fleeeew by and I can only imagine how fast this year will zoom by as well.
That is in part why I've decided my resolution for this year is to cherish the here and now moments.
Cherish the time with my amazing, crazy and loud family.
Cherish the moments of laughter and silliness with friends.
Cherish the moments when my husband stops in the middle of doing something just to hug and kiss me and say "I love you."
Cherish the blessings that are here and now.
Too many times I'm either thinking about the past (umm..hello crappy 4 year TTC anniversary, you suck) and all that we could have should have would have done.
Or i find myself worrying way too much about what I will need to/have to do in the future.
Cherishing the blessings that are here in front of me.
Of course, I'm still looking forward with hopeful anticipation and trying to remember not to dwell on the past...
I hope and pray that this New Year brings about many blessings to all of us...
I sure hope so.
And I have faith so.
Cherishing this new year and all that's to come!
"You can't start a new chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the last one."
Omaha...hope you're ready for the H family!!!
