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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Left out.

I know that I am not the only person struggling with IF...but these last few days I sure have felt like it.

It seems all my "in real life" friends have lapped me more than once and that so many of my blogger friends have lapped me also...

-insert the sad playing music here...

Maybe it's the fact that it's been over 4 years since we've been seeing doctors and it will be 5 years this June that we have been open to life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so hopeful and so excited to begin working with Doctor H, it's just that emotionally I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed...

Seeing all those wonderful baby posts on FB...

Hearing about pregnancy announcements...

Realizing that our 5 year anniversary is already this summer and thinking, "oh my, where has the time gone.."

Sitting at home, alone at night, while my husband works and realizing that our not so big 1400 square foot home feels rather large...

I've just been feeling so.very.left.out.

My heart hurts and aches for something I've never even known.

The hope is still there-and in full swing-but these middle moments (getting medical records together and finishing up charting) have proven rather difficult on this usually "hope and excitement out the wazoo" lady.

Praying that I'm able to get out of this funk sooner than later and that I'm able to enjoy and cherish the beautiful blessings that are here and now...

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

16 comments:

CM said...

Those funks can be so rough! I'm struggling some with the fact that all my friends are onto the next round of kids (2nd, 3rd, 4th, one even just had their 5th). They're all my age or younger and I'm not any closer to even getting married. I hear you, and I'm praying that the funk passes quickly and your wait is over soon!

allyouwhohope said...

I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is, especially when things slow down and right at the time when it seems like babies are everywhere. Hopefully things will really get moving soon and your wazoo will be full of hope once again ;)

Little JoAnn said...

I hope HOPE returns soon.

Thinking of you.

5 years is TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

long.

JellyBelly said...

I am constantly repeating the quote that you posted in my head, "Don't let comparison steal your joy."

So many of my friends that have been married for the same amount of time or less have at least one child (but more like two). The jealousy eats me up sometimes.

I try to remind myself that God has a special journey for me and that my family will happen. I know the same for you. Dr H is going to help you so much! I know it!!!

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

I feel exactly the same. Not only my friends have left me in the dust, but my entire in-law family. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know I would be miserable if I did. I want me some babies!! I have also been in the boat just about as long as you. It is hard. Perhaps it wouldn't feel so hard if we had found Dr. H sooner. Now that you have, just know that answers are going to start coming your way. And remember, you are not alone. Hugs.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

I'm so sorry dear...I remember feeling this way quite a bit too. Infertility can be so isolating. Plus, when you first start Creighton/Napro, it can be kind of overwhelming so that might be contributing to the funk. Napro's a tough road but it leads to hope, answers, and healing. And you always, always have my prayers, pretty lady!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

My prayers are always with you, sweet lady. You are someone I learn from, and I wish I could give you a hug!

Anonymous said...

Stay off Facebook. I keep far, far away from it.
Lena

Rebecca said...

When I started charting NaPro/Creighton I had many of these same feelings it is all so so overwhelming. Waiting for the first call from my FCP almost sent me over the edge. The whole thing is very overwhelming!

Prayers that you feel less alone and know that we are all hear sending you love and support.

Oh, and FB is bad! I have never given it up for lent and I'm thinking that it may not be such a sacrifice, but come Ash Wednesday this year it is so gone from my life for 40 days!!!

January said...

I'm sorry you're feeling low, even as you have hope. Just like JellyBelly, I've been using your "Don't Let Comparison Steal Your Joy" as my mantra for all of those announcements that make others so happy and leave me feeling unheard and sad. You're my hero!

God Alone Suffices said...

Sigh. I feel that way, too. :(

Nicole C said...

Ugghh. I'm so sorry. I know the facebook feeling. Prayers that the funk ends soon. But I also know what it feels like to finally have hope so I pray you're able to cling to that! It's freeing!

Mary said...

:( :( so sorry. Been praying for you often. I wish I could do more.

I think charting makes it even harder/more "obvious" - at least that's my opinion. I focused more on it bc I had to! BUT the charting is so good in the end. I hope Dr H can help you achieve your own sweet little miracle(s)...

Praying praying praying....

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I hear ya on the waiting and the funk. Ugh, the funk! I have stayed away from FB and I think its helped me. I used to see lots of MIL & pg SIL comments and that really upset me. Not that hiding away solves anything, but it helps when you just can't handle it.
I pray that Dr. H helps you. It seems to take forever to chart, to get scheduled to see him, to schedule surgery, to take the drugs after the surgery ... I SOOOOO remember. I am at 5-1/2 years of being open to life and it seems like F.O.R.E.V.E.R! I wish I was one of the 2.5 year IF gals rather than "unknown" year IF gals! :-)
((((HUGS)))) and prayers

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Oh the dreaded funk - I will pray it goes away SOON! Here's to hoping and praying you get your hope mojo back soon!

Faith makes things possible said...

Thank y'all for every.single.word of encouragement....y'all most def lift me up when feeling down.