I always said I wouldn't be 'that woman'

In the years spent waiting, nearly every time I saw a pregnant woman who had her hands all over her belly I would think, "that's a little much..." and then I would probably roll my eyes.

Then I would think about how I would never be "that woman" constantly feeling her bump-no matter how big or small it was.

Sure, I would imagine that I would have my hands on my tummy every so often, but as much as I see these other mama's to be?

Not me.

Well, until we actually got pregnant and that sort of went out the door.

Now, I find myself with my hand on my belly without even realizing it.

I fall asleep with my hand there.
I wake up with it there.

And like I said, it's without even thinking about it.

I guess, there was that twinge of jealousy and bitterness seeing pregnant women with their hands on their bellies-like they were rubbing it in or something.

I'm realizing now though, that a lot of the times, it's without even thinking about it.

My hand simply goes there because my baby is there.

And I'm their mama and I want to protect them and love them already.



"Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother's Love" [Maureen Hawkins]

Not a country gal?

This weekend was round two of family reunion fun out in West Tx.

I've mentioned before, but just to refresh memories, I was raised by my amazing grandparents since I was 8 years old. So that means family reunions involve seeing my grandma's side of the family and then my grandpa's side.

Our family reunions involve lots of cute, old people and many, many stories of "back in the day."

Which I love!

Anyways, this past weekend my great uncle came and sat next to me and we started chatting about life and what we do.

I said I nanny from time to time.

He said he's been farming since he was 12 (he's in his late 80's now!).

Then he looked at my flush face and said, "well...you certainly don't look like a country gal."

[It was the hottest day of the summer on Saturday reaching well over 107+!!!]

All I did was laugh and say, "well, I do love my AC-and since the majority of today has been outside, well, I guess it shows!" ;)

Then at that very moment of me trying to play it cool a wasp, a dangerous, scary, wasp that stings you and is horrible, flew right by me.

And so this, "playing it cool, non-country girl" reacted.

Did I shiver and pretend it wasn't there?

No, I screamed.
Did an awkward arm thing.
And jumped up and ran like a mad woman.

Very non-dramatic like, I know.

Then my sweet uncle looked at me and said, "Sweetie, they're going to think I pinched you!!"

Then I laughed and realized maybe I'm not quite a country gal after all! ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Feeling good

I don't want to jinx myself or anything, but 11 weeks is turning out to be a pretty good time to me.

• Nausea is at a minimum-compared to the constant state of yuckiness I felt in the previous weeks.
• My energy is coming back and I don't feel like I need my butt to be plastered to the couch...or bed...or anywhere comfy...anymore.
• My girls are finally feeling good...bigger but not hurting.

So all in all...I will say I'm feeling good!  Now, I won't lie and say that I didn't have a moment of panic thinking, "oh no... symptoms are not there like they have been!  what if something is wrong?!"

But then, I realized that I had read in my book (What to Expect...), and online, that for some people, starting around this time, start to feel better.

So instead of continuing with my panic state of mind, I offered it up, and said and prayer of thanksgiving for feeling somewhat "normal" again.

Also, I am so excited because next Friday-a week from today!!!!- we have our second doctor's appointment.  We'll be 12 weeks 2 days!  I am hoping and praying that she will let us have another sonogram since the last one was so early and well, who doesn't want to see their little one every chance they can get?

I've heard from a few people that their doctors didn't do another sono until the gender reveal around 20 weeks-but isn't there a way I can beg and plea??

Any experience with this ladies?

I know either way, we are both really, really, really, wanting another sono done...I just hope she's understanding.

Anyways, there's been quite a bit of good news floating around the blog world lately, and I am so thrilled about that!  Continued prayers for all those that have received a BFP or "the call" recently.

So, I end on that, a prayer for thanksgiving for all the blessings floating around the blog world and also, a prayer for all those still waiting, that God will grant them patience and strength during the waiting.

"Pray.  There is immeasurable power in it."

 

Prayer intentions

Last night my husband and I were in adoration, for our weekly hour.

After I prayed my rosary, I went to get the Prayer Intentions book to, what else, but write my intentions in.

Well, in the hundreds of intentions written, I just so happen to open to the page where I wrote my intentions in June.

And I'm so glad that I did because this is what I saw:

Someone wrote something in response to my intentions!

And my heart jumped.
And tears filled my eyes.
And I could not stop smiling.

A complete stranger was rejoicing in our miracle, just like us.

Yup...it was/is beautiful and I am still smiling!

Ps-many, many, many a times I write yall's special intentions in that book also...so y'all probably have complete strangers in TX praying for y'all also! :)

My journal

I went to look back in my journal, which sadly, I don't write in that often. I was hoping that I had written around the time this little one was created, just to have more in site as to what was going on in my mind.

When I first flipped it open, I thought the last time I had written was in March, but was really excited to see that I had actually written the week that changed our lives forever, although at the time, we had no idea...

Here are two of those pages:

"You've gotta have faith. Always lean on hope. Live life with joy. Never. Never. Never, give up."

Grateful

As I was laying on the couch earlier today, I started to cry...

And not because a of crazy hormones or the constant nausea or perpetual tiredness that surrounds me.

No, I started crying tears of utter joy.

Joy that my body after nearly 5 years of no pregnancy...

That after months and months of BFN...

And after countless doctors visits and blood work and surgery and medicine and shots...

My body some how did and is doing something right.

I'm in beautiful amazement that there's a little one nestled inside my womb.

A forever soul that is already so loved by his/her mom and dad.

It's truly amazing how, after years and years of heart break and pain and suffering, we never gave up hope.

We never gave up faith.

And now, in what is still a beautiful amazement and shock to me, I'm with child.

Hope and faith.
Two key ingredients to surviving the not so great moments.

All I can say, is that if today is the day for you where you are feeling a tremendous amount of pain, sorrow and confusion...hold on.

Hold on to that hope.

Cling to that faith.

Trust that He has things in store for you that will most definitely surpass your wildest dreams.

He's done that for us.

Doctor's always seemed discouraged to hear that we had gone X amount of years without a pregnancy.

But the thing is, you never know God's timing and plans.

So continue to hold onto hope and faith and trust that wonderful things are coming.

Sure, there may be some rocky waters in the process...but it's worth it in the end.

Counting my blessings today and crying joyful, grateful tears for this beautiful miracle.

(print courtesy of pinterest)

So many emotions

Today we are 9 weeks 2 days.
When did this happen?

Our next appointment is on the 27th...and it couldn't be here any quicker!

All in all, THANKFULLY, the worry has subsided.

It also helps that symptoms are still there-hello nausea-so I know that helps ease my mind.

That and the fact that I'm being monitored every two weeks by PPVI for progesterone.

The new thing I'm trying to balance is the celebrating and being happy vs the not wanting to hurt those that are still waiting.

That durn IF lingers with you always...even in pregnancy.

I was talking to my MIL about the struggle with balancing the celebrating and being sensitive because I was getting rather upset because I found myself holding back almost completely in regards to this precious miracle of ours.

She told me that it's always good to be aware of people's feelings but that I shouldn't fear celebrating and showing joy.

Showing my joy=showing my gratitude for this precious one that we have waited.oh.so.long for.

I liked how she put that, it definitely helped me to relax and enjoy this pregnancy more.

Talking about this little one is ok.

Gushing about milestones (ultrasounds, first gifts, etc...) is ok.

I don't know if I'm making any sense at all...there's just so many thoughts and emotions going on as of lately.

Mostly good emotions...but still a lot!

Hope everyone is doing well!

And for now...I'll leave y'all with Baby H's first gift:

I met my girlfriend for lunch and this is what she have our sweet little one, along with a card with lots of Praise Jesus' written about! :)

I, of course, teared up, got chills up and down and thought, "I can't believe this is happening..."

Thank you Jesus!

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."[William Arthur Ward]

Question about loss of symptom

Okay, I know that I am an over thinker.

Every single twinge or discomfort at the very beginning of my pregnancy had me running to doctor.goo.gle.

Yeah, probably not the best idea.

I thought that once I saw our little one on the screen and saw their heart beat, I would be doing just fine and no longer needing doctor.goog.le's services.

WRONG.

Yesterday I noticed that my brea.sts started to feel not as tender.

So I freaked out a bit because there's so many articles on-line stating that that is a sign of miscarriage.

I texted a friend who has been pregnant.

She said not to worry.

I texted my preggo SIL.

She said not to worry, that that had happened to her.

But then I wake up this morning and they are even less tender and of course when I run to doctor.goog.le and the articles that show up (mixed of course, with the ones that say it's normal) freak me out.

I know the first thing I should do is to NOT check with doctor goog.le and the second thing I need to do is rely more on God and trust that he has brought us here for a reason.

I have decided enough with goo.gle though, it's quite stressful the things you can read.

So, of those that have been pregnant, have y'all experienced loss of brea.st tenderness around 8.5 weeks?

Is this normal?

Should I call my doctor?

Thanks in advanced...