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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Tears at Church today.

It was at Mass today, right after communion, right after I got back to my pew and moments after my little one gave me one big kick to my right rib, that I started to cry.

I cried tears of joy because of that kick I was feeling.
Tears of joy thinking that my daughter was nestled safe and sound within my womb.
Tears of joy thinking about how we are getting so very close to meeting that little one with the swift kicks.

Then, just as suddenly as the tears of joy came on, tears of sadness began to fill my eyes as I thought back to last Christmas when we found out that our first ever potential adoption turned out so very horribly.  I remember doing a lot of "faking it until I make it" around this time last year and the many many holidays before.

Oh the holidays mixed with IF...

Sure, I wasn't there anymore, thankfully, but I couldn't help but sit in that pew today, thinking about all those women, all over the world, that were still there. 

And that's when I really lost it.
The tears started flowing and all I could think of was that I knew of far too many women that would be sitting through the holidays, choking back tears because of IF.

That pain that I felt for so many years was the very pain that others were still experiencing.

Some, the pain is a new thing.

For others, the pain is something that they've experienced for far too long.

All I know is that as I sat in Church today, I prayed for all those that I knew were still waiting.

I prayed for y'all.

It's not lost on me that there are many of y'all still waiting.

There's honestly not a day that goes by that I don't offer up prayers for those still waiting.

After Mass, my dh and I stayed back for a moment and prayed some more for all those still waiting.  We talked about how we want this next year to be filled with MANY announcements of growing families...whether through conception or adoptions. 

I really am hoping that 2013 proves to be a good year...especially among all of you wonderful blogger buddies.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
[Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross]
 

4 comments:

KJL said...

Thank you so much for posting this. Your prayers and offered up sufferings mean so much to me.

DM + AM said...

Thank you for your prayers!

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I had the exact same thoughts at Mass yesterday ... praying and asking God for the blessing of children and/or a spouse. Like you, I can't forget the pain of last year.

Ania said...

I cried and prayed too.