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Saturday, August 13, 2011

It's raining and it's dreary...

Which is a good thing because we haven't seen rain here in so long and we are finally not over 100 degrees.

So this is a good thing.

But then again it's not such a good thing for my spirit.

I have been doing great all month. Feeling pretty happy, hopeful and celebrating little victories here and there.

And then yesterday hit.

CD3.

Nothing new to report...except for the fact that aside from being a little emotional my husband told me that his best buddy from work and his wife had their baby yesterday.

A sweet beautiful, healthy baby girl.

This is a blessing.

But for some reason...it hit me like a ton of bricks...like a swift kick in the gut.

It hurt.

Aside from me being on my period and emotional and hearing this news, this was also from the girl who I frankly don't care for. She's not very nice and isn't very sensitive. She's the one that told me that "oh getting pregnant is so easy for us we don't have to try and that's so nice to be able to plan exactly the way I like things to be..." and "you should be pregnant with me so I am not pregnant alone." Of course she mentioned this in October of last year and then found out they were pregnant the next month because "she was planning on it and taking her vitamins and drinking water."

This woman knows we are trying. Granted she doesn't know how long we have been trying but she knows.

So, her lack of sensitiveness + my period = an emotional mess on my end.

Oh joy, what happened to me reminding myself, "Don't let comparison steal your joy"...I'm trying.

It's just not working.

Granted last night when my dh told me the news, I felt pretty terrible inside but I put on a front that I would be fine and whatnot.

Then this morning I woke up feeling in a funk and then the weather was feeling rather dreary and well...I sort of lost it emotionally.

I decided that I would make a nice breakfast for my dh and I because even though I was feeling down I was going to try and move forward and not let this get the best of me.

But then I went to set the table and when everything was out I went to set down the strawberries and dipping sauce and the sauce slipped and knocked over the vase of flowers spilling water everywhere and the sauce spilled onto stuff and my place mats were soaking and I lost it.

I was a big ol' baby and when my husband walked out I tried hard not to show the tears but when he saw the mess and saw my face he thought maybe I had gotten hurt.

Needless to say, I had to go to a room and be alone.

I have to be alone when I have my little emotional breaks.

Bless his heart, he's amazing and supportive all the while I'm crying over spilled milk water.

I hate that emotions can get the best of you at times.

I hate that one day you can be feeling good and hopeful and grand.

And then one day you lose it over stupid stuff.

I've got to get my sh*t together. I'm better than this and my dh deserves better than this.

So prayer buddy, if you read this please pray that my anxious heart calms the heck down and that I'm able to offer up this little funk and not lose focus of the blessings in my life.

Oh life.

6 comments:

Lisa said...

Sweet girl, I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry that today was rough. Xo

JellyBelly said...

Sending you hugs and prayers!

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

Oh dear. I totally know those days. I remember I had an episode like that except it was with couscous. I seriously ran in the bedroom and cried. I hate days like that I am hoping that your day has improved. Hugs friend. And I'm praying for you:)

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Don't beat yourself up...everybody has bad days. Sometimes you just need to let those feelings out! It's good to focus on the positive, but sometimes we just need to let the bad stuff out and then we're okay again. :) Tomorrow will be better, friend.

"His Perfect Timing" said...

My heart hurts for you. I'm sorry that you are hurting. Unfortunately, we all have crappy days ... I'm guilty of that too. Praying for your happiness.

Rebecca said...

Oh the good day-bad day roller coaster. If only we could some how warn our husbands about what the day will be like - but that would mean we had some indication of it ourselves.

I think the unpredictability of what will trigger a bad day (not necessarily 'what' I guess, but rather a 'when the what' happens) is one of the hardest things of this IF journey.

I will be praying for you.