Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Roller coaster ride...just wish I knew when I could get off!

When you struggle with fertility you feel like you are on a constant roller coaster ride. The slow tedious "up" of the coaster feels like it takes forever and the anticipation of not knowing and feeling left out hurts. The "down" part is the part that is fun, full of hope, your trusting meter is at full compacity and you just know you can handle this.

But then you have another spout of "up" time and it sucks.

And it never ends.

Or at least you don't know when it will end.

And that part is hard.

I know that I am not the first person to compare IF with a roller coaster ride and I'm sure I wont be the last, but it seems the two fit so perfectly together.

You see, as I mentioned in a couple post back-I was having a not great day. I was feeling sad, defeated and bitter. Then yesterday I prayed and hoped and slowly started feeling at peace with everything and my trusting meter was so full and actually had a moment where I was excited for our future.

Then today hits and I read another pregnancy announcement on FB and I get kicked in the gut and realized that yet again, I'm taking that slow trek back up on this roller coaster called IF.

This particular couple was one of two couples that I know IRL that have struggled and they did IUI or IVF and now are expecting a boy in February. To each their own. I know that even though they don't have the same beliefs as us in regards to fertility treatment, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt that I'm feeling left behind yet again.

I just got that overwhelming feeling that I was being left in the dust by everyone-those that don't have to try, those that do, etc...

I was feeling pretty down and my husband suggested that we both get off FB for I think that's what we'll do. I know it'll help. Damn you FB.

Him and I worked out together and that helped tremendously. Gotta love those endorphins-they're real!!

And now I have my hair all curled, fun makeup on and snazzy red shoes on because I'm off to celebrate a girlfriend's birthday with dinner and margaritas (I'm posting a picture because I'm pretty proud of my hair...I just learned how to curl it like this-I have board straight hair):

Life goes on and I just keep reminding myself to not let "comparison steal my joy." and really, when I remind myself of this (umm...think like 50 majillion billion gazillion times a day) it helps. I can't forget the many blessings in my life.

God has great things in store for us.

He's got great things in store for all of us still waiting.

Here's clinging to that hope and not letting go of that trust.

"In all things it is better to hope than to despair." (Van Goethe)


Sarah said...

Your hair looks amazing! Have fun celebrating tonight. And um, that icky "I've been left behind in life" feeling is too familiar for me. :( I am trying to learn to recognize it for what it is: a lie from the pit.

JellyBelly said...

I have such a love-hate relationship with FB, and it always seems to get me when I read pg announcements.

I hope you have fun tonight foxy mama!

Lisa said...

Love the hair! And the dress... what a hottie!

Rebecca said...

Your hair looks awesome! I think you should write a post teaching others with board straight hair how to do that! Maybe :).

This roller coaster is not so fun, besides not knowing when you are going to get to get off, it takes unexpected twists and turns that you couldn't possibly see while waiting in line.

You are in my prayers.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Love the hair, you are so beautiful!!!!! Ah, the rollercoaster, great analogy. Have fun tonight!!

Patiently Waiting...... said...

Oh, I bet your red shoes look super cute! God does have great things in store for us, so let's sit back and try to enjoy the ride!

I hope you had a great time tonight!

Mary said...

LOVE THE HAIR, BELT, and I know I'd love the SHOES! I want to see them. haha.
You're so cute!!!

Can you teach me how to curl my hair like that? The girl that cuts my hair has done it that way a couple of times and I looove it but I don't know that I'm capable of doing it.
Hope your FB break helps!

Have so much fun tonight!

Mary said...

PS also love the phone cover :)

Jenny said...

Love the hair too! So cute! And I keep saying to myself over and over and over as I go through the IF Roller coaster... Do not let comparison steal your joy! It's my new motto! All thanks to you!

CM said...

I'm jealous of the mad skilz with the hair! I have super straight hair, and I haven't ever figured out how to do much of anything with it. I only get on facebook rarely. It does not do good things, especially when I'm trying not to let comparison steal my joy.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Can I just say you are gorgeous? I want hair like that!

And, good for you for taking a FB break.

Made For Another World said...

I second the request for a post on how to curl straight hair like that. Beautiful! Here's hoping you'll be on the downside of the roller coaster soon. Hang in there.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

You look cute! And, FB is stupid.

"His Perfect Timing" said...

I am thinking about taking a break from FB too. At lunch today, I logged on and the first thing I see is the PG announcement from my BIL & SIL (I already knew beforehand, but I hate to be reminded). Now my stomach is in knots again.
In happy news .... I do love your hair AND your outfit! Super cute!!!

Isaiah 55:8-9 said...

Love that hair!! And I want to see those shoes! :) Hope you had a great night out!