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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

CD4

Tomorrow starts round two of clomid. I'm still feeling hopeful and excited but now mixed in with a little anxiety and worry.

All those dern "what-if's" are trying to take over my mind like weeds in grass do...

What if it doesn't work?
What if the side effects are way worst?
What if we enter another year without a baby in site?
What if the doctor thinks I'm a lost cause because it's been three years and counting?
What if I grow another arm?

Just kidding about the arm...just checking if y'all are still paying attention after my silly "what-if" game.

I'm trying my best though, to not get caught up in the what if's...

It's amazing to me how last week I was filled with so much hope and so much joy after finding out about my body responding...and then, here I am now, just a week later and the anxiety is creeping back in.

And really, there's no reason for me to feel different tonight than I did a week ago...the blessing of the medication working is STILL a blessing...

I guess it's the start of a new cycle that wears you down. It's like having ran a marathon and you see the finish line but are told to turn around and run it again...

Exhaustion.

Speaking of marathons, it's on my bucket list of things I want to do before I die. I use to run all the time, starting in elementary where we would run 10k's and then through track and cross country in HS.

But then college happened and I discovered I liked the taste of beer and I really liked those late night study sessions where we would order pizza and drink energy drinks to get through the night.

Ok, I've gotten severely off topic from when I started this post and my mind is still wondering from thought to thought without any sort of uniformity...so, maybe it's time to call it a night!

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.”



10 comments:

Lisa said...

Lots of prayers going your way, specifically for peace and a calm heart.

And I spent many an evening at the Dixie Chicken... I know all about the beer in college life and how it can derail your workout plans!

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

"But then college happened and I discovered I liked the taste of beer " Ha!!

I'm hopeful for you this cycle!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I'm hopeful for you, too, like Kaitlin. And, I love your quote.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Yay! I will pray the Clomid does it's job!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

As an English major, I'm horrified by my incorrect us of the apostrophe in the previous comment. It should say its job, not it's job.

JellyBelly said...

I had aspirations of doing a marathon before 30. Then I became a teacher and discovered yoga and I realized that I hate running!!!

I'm praying for you.

Megan said...

Praying that this cycle is the one! I am really enjoying running lately. :) But 5k's are more my speed! haha Love the college quote too!

Julie said...

I am probably the only one in the world who doesn't have any kind of exercise on my bucket list!!

Praying for you!

motheringspirit said...

Praying for you as you wait in hope!

Anonymous said...

Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.

- Daniel