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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Follicle check

I'm trying really hard not too feel down or overwhelmed or sad...

But, I'm failing miserably.

Today I went in for my CD12 follicle check full of hope. I just knew there would be some follicles that were mature and I just knew it wouldn't be like the last million times I left a sonogram with NO follicles big enough for ovulation.

And I was wrong.

10 mm was the biggest one they could find. It took literally everything in me not to break down right then and there.

Because this was my first time with THIS nurse and I wasn't going to look like a pathetic, blubbering fool, even though I already felt like one...trousers down...little, not cooperative follicles plastered all over the computer screen...hands shaking...heart racing...

My ovaries need to step it up.

Please?

I want to be able to leave a sonogram appointment with tears of JOY...

Not tears of pain and defeat.

I'll go back Monday, CD16 for another check. I'm still hoping and I'm still praying that my ovaries will kick it in to high gear so as to reaffirm all this hope I [still] feel.

I hate this post being such a downer, but my DH worked last night and so he's sleeping and I needed to vent.

The venting will help me offer it back up and move on until Monday, when I'm back at it again.

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

9 comments:

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I like your quote-don't forget that.

Praying for you!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

Ugh. Sonograms are still pretty traumatic for a lot of the same reasons. I'm betting you'll have an 18mm when you go back on Monday. I hope so!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Love the quote! Sorry your feeling down, :( Praying for you

Miracle in the Making said...

Praying for you sweetie. It's so hard to go in time after time and have them tell you once again that your follies aren't big enough. I'm praying that at your next u/s they will have grown to full maturity. xoxo Don't give up hope

Mrs. Henderson said...

I am so sorry. I know that stinks! I just went in yesterday for my CD13 scan and I had the same experience- no follies maturing and a CLOT in my uterus! Will the craziness ever end???
Please know you are in my prayers!

JellyBelly said...

Praying that your follies grow!!!!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

C'mon follies!!! You can do it! We are all rooting for you!!!

Mrs. Henderson said...

I am praying that Monday holds lots of good things (or good follies!).

Hebrews 11:1 said...

I'm a little behind on the blogs...but I hope you saw lots of great follicles yesterday!