Overwhelmed.

My funk has continued to stay around and I can't seem to shake the empty feeling the has consumed my soul since cd1 started.

All I wish was that I could take a true vacation from the worries that come along with IF.

Crafting helps.

But only temporarily.

Hanging out with friends helps.

But only temporarily.

Watching a good movie helps.

But only...

Well, you get the idea!

I just wish I was able to truly relax and enjoy a month where I'm not IF-crazed. Please, God.

On a side note, this month looks like it's another "off" month because my doctor's office was closed by the time I tried call them-before the weekend and Monday will be CD5...too late to start up the clomid challenge and monitoring again.

Hmm...maybe it'll force me not to think about things.

Right...just like last month. The disappointment was still there after "not thinking about fertility and babies and charting and medicine..." and so I doubt this cycle will be any different....

BUT...

I'll still try.

I'll still hope.

I'm ending with a quote from the Former First Lady, Laura Bush, it definitely describes the pain of IF...

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?".” (Laura Bush)