Heavy heart

I don't even know why I've been feeling so blue because honestly this past month I was at such peace and felt so much hope (maybe not ever for that cycle necessarily, but in general) and was just plain happy relaxing and enjoying every single moment of me and my dh's "off month."

Then this cycle hit and my hormones have just gotten the best of me this week. I have had too many melt downs-wet tears, broken heart, sad soul.

A heavy heart.

There have been so many amazing blogger pregnancy announcements and I am beyond thrilled for these wonderful women!!
I have kept each one in my prayers that things go well and smoothly. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of anxiety it can bring on but I'm going to keep praying for them!

Those announcements actually help to peace back my broken heart.

But then, like I mentioned before-CD1 came with 3 other preggo announcements from people that don't have to try. And it was their second one.

And you see, that seemed to shatter everything again. It's so odd to me that any other day of my cycle I am pretty good and can handle it and even possibly be excited for them-but it always seems to coincide with wacky hormones and PMS.

I actually got another announcement the other day-a dear friend who her and and her husband were "going off birth control and going to have a baby!" And of course, a few short months later I get this text:

Me and the hubs are having a baby due in April. It was hard for me to tell you because I know that y'all want a baby and have been trying so hard.

I, already feeling emotionally, broken saw that text and all i could think of was, "thank God that this is a text and she didn't call me" because I never could have faked excitement like I did in my text back to her:

Oh my goodness...that is so wonderful!!! I'm so happy for you guys!

Boo for the timing of this text. Yay for it being a text.

I am hoping and praying that I get out of this funk soon. I'm ready to not be in tears anymore.

I'm ready for this rock weighing on my chest, that I call anxiety, to be lifted.

I'm ready to smile and laugh and mean it and not just doing it because I don't want my husband to see me sad for yet another day.

I am stronger than I think-I think.

I don't give up and sometimes that's all that I can do...through the pain and uneasiness, I don't give up and that's got to count for something, right?

I sure hope so.

I have my "don't let comparison steal your joy" sign in my closet so every morning that I get dressed I see it and it does help. Comparison definitely is a sneaky little brat and loves to steal that joy. But I'm not going to let it...even if that means I have to remind myself this about 5 million times a day.

Praying that this funk blows over sooner than later...

Lastly, I wanted to say THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the prayers and kind words for my friend's who lost their baby. We will never know why God decided to take him when he did but my friend has said that prayers have helped her and her family find peace and strength throughout all of this. The power of prayer is truly amazing. Thank you so much for that.

"When life gets more than you can stand...kneel."