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Monday, April 16, 2012

Falling is scary part 2

Here's part one incase you've never read it.

I was on a sort of women's retreat last night and oddly enough one of our talks was going to be held in a tree.

I was instantly okay with climbing into this big, old, wobbly tree with about 10 other women I've never met before.

I think to myself, "Go me for being up to something that is weird and makes me a little uncomfortable."

Our small group leader stood at the bottom of the massive tree, leading discussions and also keeping tabs on us incase a branch looked like it would give way.

Thankfully, she could see every branch from where she stood because a few moments after getting adjusted in the tree, we all heard a slow, snapping sound.

She yelled up, "you at the right, move over to that large branch!"

Which is exactly what the girl did...just moments before the old branch snapped.

It was odd to me that we were SO high up on this rickety, old tree, with the weather getting sorta dark and dreary and on top of all of it, the wind blowing like crazy!

But, I trusted that it would be fine because we had our group leader calling out when something looked like it might break or become dangerous.

Throughout the discussion, which I have no recollection of, my anxiety and fear grew stronger and deeper.

My chest began to feel like something heavy was pressing on it and there was a constant lump in my throat.

I began to question why we were doing this.

I thought to myself,"why am I up in this tree, it's dangerous and something bad could happen!!"

Just then I heard a loud SNAP!

And this time it wasn't from another branch away from me nor was our group leader yelling for someone to move.

No, she was busily going on about the discussion and I was on my own.

Panic and fear set in as I realized that I was a few stories high in the rickety tree and that there was not a single steady branch within reach.

Finally I hear an even bigger snap.

My breath is taken away and tears fill my eyes and I, in slow motion, begin to fall...

...through sharp branches, snapping all around me and wind blowing through my hair.

A cold shiver runs down my spine as I beg God to save me, to help me.

I begin to fear that I'm all alone and that He can't save me because I'm already falling, closer and closer to the ground.

Fear.
Panic.
Sadness.
Anxiety.

I beg God to help me.
Please God, I need you.

I begin to pray, "Lord I trust that you brought me here and you will protect me. I have faith."

Just then, a sense of peace entered over me, and my fall began to slow down and all the broken branches and twigs around me started to disperse.

And whereas I just knew I was going to be crushed on the ground, moments earlier, I knew now that I was going to be okay.

I land ever so softly and gracefully, although with tears still filling my eyes.

Girls come rushing down from the tree and our group leader asks if I'm okay.

All I can muster out is, "Yes. I had faith He would take care of me."


And that was my dream last night.

A dream that felt so real and lifelike.

A dream that, although it was just a dream, had me waking up feeling as though it had really just happened.

It's so crazy because, compared to my last falling dream (over a year and a half ago, thank goodness I don't have then that often, they feel so real) this time, the scare of the fall didn't wake me.

I know the bottom line with this dream is that I have to continue to have faith.

"If He brings me to it, He will bring me through it."

Dear God,
I offer up all my fertility to you. I offer up our upcoming visits to Omaha and our work with Doctor Hilgers. I offer up this adoption to you. I trust You. I have faith in You.

St. Gerard, St. Therese, St. Gianna, Blessed John Paul, St. Anthony, pray for us.

13 comments:

imusthaveprayedforpatience said...

Girl, you scared me! Agh! Glad it was just a dream!

Sew said...

Beautiful! God is speaking to you! ;)

All in His Perfect Timing said...

Falling dreams are so scary! I'm so glad this was a God-dream and He took care of you.
Also, some of my dreams I've dreamed about have come true (total deja vu feeling) ... So watch those trees! :-)

Megan Lindley said...

That is a beautiful way to be spoken to by God. Your prayer is truly inspiring as well. I've been trying to offer up my desire for a child as well. And St. Gerard is the Saint I had found who was noted for conception. Stay strong! You are right, He will bring you through it!

alison said...

did you hear that some scientists think that dreams are our way of practicing for things in real life? like our dreamtime is our time to try out different scenarios and see which ones work and which ones we wake up from thinking "wow, that didn't go as planned." if that's true, i'd say this was the best example i've ever heard of where putting your faith and trust and prayer in Him being the best answer!! God is making it clear to you what will bring the most peace. This was truly amazing to read, thanks for sharing!!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing it!!

January said...

My friend, I am praying for you!

Thankful said...

Incredible - wow. He is there for you!

Ania said...

When I first started reading and thought it was real, I thought "What a terrible idea for a retreat talk...what kind of insano person would ask people to do that?"...glad it wasn't real. On the other hand it was also very beautiful. He will always protect us and make sure we land softly in the palm of his hand.

Lucky as Sunshine said...

I was going to ask what the title of the retreat was. Trust in God & he will take care of you.

Catholic Mutt said...

SO amazing! I love the trust, and the idea that if He brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Love it!

JellyBelly said...

I have shivers after reading about your dream! I definitely think He's trying to send you a message!!!

Faith makes things possible said...

I've never heard that but Must say....I'm quite intriqued!!