A month of gratitude: day 30

I can't believe I actually did this...a post a day for an entire month! To be honest, I didn't think I would be able to finish but I'm so happy I did. I already can't wait to look back and see what I was thankful for each day in Nov '12!!!

As for what I'm thankful for today, it would be my nieces and nephews.

I have 12 total.
2 on my side of the family.
10 on dh's side.
3 sweet nieces.
9 crazy nephews.
The oldest is 14.
The youngest is just over a month.
2 are our godsons.
They are all amazing.

Sure there were times when the announcement that they'd be arriving in 9 months was sometimes brought with bitterness and sadness.

But one things for sure, seeing them for the first time, spending time with them and be called Aunt J is such a blessings.

These precious ones helped to comfort me when IF became unbearable at times.

I never knew I could love little ones the way I love my nieces and nephews.

I can't even begin to imagine the love I'll have for my own sweet daughter, but if the love for my nieces and nephews is any indicator I know it's going to be a love like I never knew was possible.

A month of gratitude: day 29

Thanks for putting up with my venting in my last post...glad y'all don't think I'm crazy!

And now, what I'm thankful for!

I'm beyond thankful for my talented SIL and the beautiful maternity/family photos she took.

Here's just a few sneak peeks...

She's sending them to me a few at at time, after editing, and I get so excited every time there's a new email from her! I'm can't wait to make our Christmas cards this year-I'm SO excited!!!

Why do I get so frustrated?!?!

I promise I'll update tonight with my month of gratitude, but I just had to vent first....

I have this friend, who I'm not really that close to anymore but because of FB we are obviously caught up on each others' lives.

Her story, they very sadly and unfortunately had 2 miscarriages when they were married 12 years ago. After suffering with infertility for 4 years, they sought help with Dr. H at the PPVI and by the grace of God, the surgery to get rid of her endo was a success and they had their first baby boy 8 years ago!

Then, 2 years after that they had their next son (I think she took progesterone).

Then 2 years later they had their next son-not sure if meds were involved here.

Then, just as they had before (their ideal 2 years apart), they had their 4th son.

He's only 1.5 and even though they've successfully gotten pregnant when "planned" she will still talk openly in FB about her infertility. Like today, this:

I specifically remember when her littlest one turned 1 in June that she posted for prayers for her in regards to her IF because they were desperately starting to try for #5 again.

That was 5 months ago people!

I know that the pains of IF will linger long after babies are (God willing) in our arms, but I get frustrated seeing this because there are quite a few people that I know who have struggled for years (hello we were one of them!!!) that are friends with her on FB and seeing statuses like this stings.

One of our mutual friends actually, who I am really close with, has told me that she's told her that since they have "planned" out the timing of their 4 sons, to talk about still suffering with IF is probably not appropriate especially since there are so many still suffering.

Ugh-it's just so hard to look past this especially because I know she's aware of at least three couples who are currently battling the cross of IF.

Okay, okay...now that I've vented I hope y'all don't think I'm a horrible person for getting so bothered by this, but she's done this in the past, while we were still TTC, and it hurt then and now it just bothers me.

I need to get over it...hoping now that I've vented and typed it out I can stop being annoyed.

Vent over.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 28

I finally got around to decorating the tree and putting out more Christmas decorations today...and our home is feeling especially cozy now!

As I was going through the ornaments, I found one I bought last year.

Hope. I remember last year, as I have done for all the years before, I was clinging to hope...hope that maybe this next year would be our year.

Little did I know only 4 months in to the new year that hope would turn into celebration!

Hope.

Cling to it.
You never know what tomorrow will bring.

And then, as I was going through the other decorations, I found a message I had written on one of the candle boxes, before packing it away.



What a beautiful reminder my past self was leaving for my current self.

Cherishing every moment.

So, tonight I'm thankful for little reminders that were packed away from last Christmas.

Reminders to hope.
Reminders to slow down and cherish every moment.

A month of gratitude: day 27

Today I am SO SO SO very thankful that we got the call from my Gm that my cousin is stateside!!!!!!

He's been in Afghanistan for the last year (he's a combat medic) and been through and seen so much.

He's lost comrades.
He's seen innocent lives lost before his eyes.
He was shot at and by the grace of God, only received minor injuries.
He's received a Purple Heart for his injuries.

In the midst of all that, our family has prayed fervently that he would be protected and brought home safely.

And as of yesterday he landed in the good ol' U.S of A!!!!!!!

Praise The Lord!!!

Thank you Lord for protecting my cousin and thank you Lord for all those who continue to serve.

A month of gratitude: day 26

Y'ALL!!!!
That's right...today I'm thankful for y'all-all the wonderful people I've "met" in the blogging community!

I don't know how many times I've felt completely alone in our IF journey with my feelings, thoughts and symptoms.

Then, I discovered this amazing community and realized that I wasn't alone.

And what an incredible feeling to know you're not alone, especially while carrying the very painful cross of IF.

Sure, I may not be the best at commenting (ill work on that I promise!), the most eloquent with words and my pictures are 99.9% from my iPhone but those things don't matter. One things for sure, I love this community and the support that goes along with it.

And as amazing as my dh has been throughout all our years of struggle, there's something about knowing that another woman gets the emotional turmoil and pain that comes along with another baby shower, or another pregnancy announcement or the feeling that you are failing as a woman.

This community has been a life saver more times than not.

So, thank y'all!!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 25

Today I'm thankful that we can start thinking about Christmas! :)

The decorating has begun...

A month of gratitude: day 24

Today I am thankful for Texas A&M football.

I went to school there.
I love the traditions.
The spirit is amazing amongst fellow Aggies.

And, what I love is that watching the Aggies now usually means time with family.

Aggie football + family time=one thankful lady! :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 23

My family and my in laws are amazing and I'm so very grateful and excited that my daughter gets to be part of it all.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 22

Family.
Enough said.
:)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 21

As tired as my hand is from writing thank you notes, I'm beyond grateful that I'm writing them...a beautiful reminder of my shower!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 20

I'm thankful for my crockpot! It makes for delicious, easy dinners!

Tonight we had chicken tacos! Chicken breast+salsa+pack of tack seasoning+8 hours cooking on low=easy and delicious!

A month of gratitude: day 19

Today I'm thankful for modern technology...especially 3d sonograms!!!

We got a sneak at our little one today and it was so surreal-I cannot believe that she is nestled up inside me.

Feeling oh so very blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 18

Today I am thankful for lazy Sundays at home with my love.

Sure, it started out with Mass and then straight to a 1 year old birthday party...

BUUUT...after we got home and slipped into sweatpants and slippers...we were able to relax and be lazy.

And for that, I'm thankful!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 17

Today I'm thankful for photos!!! Old ones and new ones.

They help capture memories that could have otherwise been lost....

Like this picture of me rocking a mullet when I was younger:

:)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 15& day 16

Yesterday (oops-forgot to post!), I was thankful for my little one's kicks and wiggles. I can seriously just lay and stare at my belly jumping and rolling from one side to the other! Truly an amazing feeling and sight to see. Oh and can you believe that we are already in our third trimester! So very thankful to be able to type those words also!

Today, I am thankful for the cooler weather! Here in Texas you never know what the weather will be like day to day (80 one day and then cold the next!). I just think it should be mandatory for the weather to be cooler around the holidays! It just doesn't seem right to be rocking a bikini on Thanksgiving! ;)***


***By the way, I have never rocked a bikini on Thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure you get the picture!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 14

Today, I am thankful for surprise packages in the mail!!!

Earlier, I got a knock on the door and as I went to see who was there I saw the FedEx truck drive off.

^Insert excitement here^
I mean, who doesn't like to see the FedEx truck?!

Then, I looked down and saw this box:

Call it hormones or what, but I literally got goosebumps and teary eyed from knowing that there were some crack cupcakes in there!!!

My sweet SIL, BIL and nephews sent them to me!



I opened the box and found 10 salted caramel cupcakes (the ones that I describe as crack! ;)) and two other flavors:


But, I had to be patient and let them thaw for three hours before diving right in.

Thankfully, I was busy during that time. I went up to my dh's sector because they were having a pre-thanksgiving meal/get together before they had to work.

But believe me, once I got home, I went straight to enjoy a cupcake!

Ok, I lied...I had two!
But that's besides the point.

My SIL taught me how to eat this particular kind of cupcake also...you heat it up for 15 or so seconds first! Ooey, gooey amazingness will follow:






Ps-if you live in the D.C area, got to D.C cupcakes/Georgetown cupcakes and order a salted caramel one...you won't be sad you did.

A month of gratitude: day 13

Today I'm thankful for:

I rarely take them because we don't have a big tub, but my goodness, tonight I didn't even care that my belly and knees stuck out of the water! It was so relaxing on this cold night, especially after a rather long, productive day!

A month of gratitude: day 12

Today I'm thankful for my SIL who was awesome and took pictures at my shower on Saturday-especially because it didn't feel quite real!

Here's just a couple of sneak peek photos she sent (which I love!!):

And my sweet husband showed up at the end, before going into work, to check out all the gifts. It was so fun seeing him surrounded by all that pink!


The shower was beyond amazing...although there were many times where if felt like an out of body experience! I literally cried most of the way to the shower-because I just couldn't believe it was happening-and off and on throughout the shower. It flew by, but I'm not so bummed by that because we are blessed to get another shower in Dec...

So very blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 11

Today I am thankful for all those who have served our country.

For all those who have fought for our freedoms.

For all those who have sacrificed.

And I'm especially thankful for the veterans in my life: my dh, brothers, BILs, cousins, etc...

And a special thanks to any blogger buddies who have special veterans in their life also!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2nd hospital visit in one week?

Yesterday I missed my day 9 of gratefulness but it was because it ended with me in the hospital...for the second time this week!

I mentioned a few days ago the reasons for my first visit and yesterday's visit was completely different.

This week has been tough actually, starting out with that first visit to the hospital, lack of sleep because I hadn't found a good sleeping position because of the pain I am feeling, and battling a cough that seems to get worst at night.

Thankfully Wed I discovered a way to get comfortable sleep wise (hello belly wedge pillow!) but that dang, annoying, tickle in my throat had me up every few hours trying to hack up a lung.

But, at least I was sleeping a little better so I didn't care about the wanting to hack up the lung part.

Onto yesterday-I was feeling so much better and was grateful that from Tue-thur all I had to do was rest and take it easy and get spoiled by my amazing dh (like previously mentioned!) so I decided I was feeling well enough to help my SIL out.

After helping my SIL with some stuff in the am, I decided that I could finally go out and shop for my shower dress (which is today!).

I noticed cramping and my lower back hurting a bit but didn't think much of it because I figured it was because it was my first day out all week.

I run to a couple stores, coming up with nothing but some cute little hostess gifts, and then decide to head to the mall.

I was feeling rather tired but was amped at the thought of finding a cute dress to wear to my shower!

First stop at the mall was the bathroom, of course.

It was then I noticed pink spotting on my underwear.

My heart starts to race a bit but I didn't freak out, thankfully.

Then I noticed more when I wiped.

I get a little more nervous but am still pretty rational and decide to call my doctor.

I called, answered questions and then was told to get to the maternal observation floor for them to figure out the cause of the bleed.

Here's where my calm, rational side sorta flys out the door...

I get off the phone, start walking through the mall, tears filling my eyes, hand rubbing my belly, frantically calling my husband.

I tell him what's going on-he says to "try and not worry, say and prayer and we will get to the hospital soon."

The tears continue until I get to my car when full out "oh my goodness dear Lord what's happening I don't know if I can handle this!!" mode started and I began to sob...

And beg God and the Blessed Mother to wrap their arms around our baby girl.

I begged him to protect her.

My mind raced with what could be wrong...with what I could have done.

I, by the grace of God made it home to my husband and we left for the hospital.

I had tears flowing.
He remained calm.

I was telling him I don't want to lose her or for something to be wrong with her or for my body to fail her.
He reminded me we were just in the hospital a few short days before that and she was healthy as can be.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was much calmer (although still nervous) by the help of lots of prayer and my dh.

We definitely compliment each other-for that I am so grateful.

First thing was hooking me up to the monitor: our little one sounded amazing and no contractions.

After a little observation we were then sent to L&D to meet with the doctor.

She did an exam to rule out preterm labor, checked my cervix, and did and internal exam to make sure baby was nice and high.

Everything checked out and I cried tears of joy. All I could say was "thank you Jesus! We've waited so long to meet this precious one, I just want her to be healthy!"

When she was examining me she discovered the source of my bleed-a polyp on my cervix. Something I had never heard of but something she said was common in pregnancy.

She was so sweet, as were all the staff we came in contact with, telling us this was a good thing, that we knew the source of the bleed and that everything looked great with our baby and me.

She then scheduled a ultrasound just for further verification that she was ok.

The ultrasound machine wasn't the best quality for pictures wise, but the doctor giving the ultrasound was amazing and checked out everything and our daughter looked great.

She Weighs about 2 pounds 4 ounces (just amazing!!!) and all major organs look and measured great.

After seeing her on ultrasound we were sent back to our room so I could get more blood drawn so that I could get the Rhogham (spelling?!) shot due to the bleeding and my being A- while dh is O+.

We left before midnight, grabbed a bite to eat and I instantly collapsed in bed from mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.

Looking back at the day I wish I could have held it together and not broken down, but I was so fearful my body was causing our daughter harm somehow. IF has done this to me, I'm sure.

I'm grateful though that my dh was a steady presence throughout all of the chaos and of course, prayers helped too.

Prayer is such a powerful, unifying gift from our Lord.

And now today, today is my shower. The thing I've only ever been able to dream about and hope for the last five years.

The craziness of this week has left the shower off my mind somewhat so it doesn't even feel real.

It definitely hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe it will when I get there in a few hours.

Praying for a happy day, full of thanksgiving for the health of our baby and hoping I can sit back and truly soak up these moments and cherish these gifts I've waited so long for.

Thank you Jesus.

A month of gratitude: day 8

Today I'm thankful for:

Which involve: house slippers, cozy blankets, a fall candle burning and 'Saved by the Bell' on Netflix.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 7

For the past 3 or so weeks I have had this strong, sharp pain below my right breast. At times it feels like my skin is tearing. It started out only happening here and there (like walking for a long time or holding something heavy for awhile).

But this week, it has been more constant and brought me to tears.

It finally got to the point where my dh decided Monday night that we were going to the ER.

Thankfully our little one looks great and they ruled our any major problems like my liver of gallbladder.

And even though I didn't want to be at the hospital, a couple positives were that the nursing staff was amazing and the rooms were nice-both important because that's where we'll be delivering-and the biggest perk...the two hours we were there I was hooked up to a monitor and we got to listen to baby girl and hear her kicks and wiggles.

There's a few things it could be, but all I know is that she's healthy and I'm healthy and I'm finding ways to deal with the pain.

On top of all this, because of the pain (and following the election and being back to having to pee every couple hours!) I haven't gotten much sleep and my throat has been itchy.

I thought the itchy throat was because of the lack of sleep but today I woke with drainage and a sore throat...so I've been most likely fighting a head cold.

Thankfully, I have nothing to do this week until Friday and then my (ahhhhh!!!) shower Saturday, so I've been taking it easy.

Which leads to what I'm thankful for today....

My dh and his taking care of things while I rest!

He dusted and vacuumed today.
And he did the laundry.

All before he left for work at 5.

I'm so thankful that he jumps in a helps when I cannot-especially because he knows how much it stresses me out not to get my things done.

Thank God for my husband who isn't afraid to fold some laundry and help out around the house...

I'm so blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 6

Today I'm thankful that we live in a country where we get to vote for our leader.

My husband and I were talking about how this election will really determine where the moral compass of our country is.

I'm just hoping and praying that a change is a coming....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A month of gratitude: day 5

Every other Monday, throughout our entire pregnancy, I have woken up early and to drive 30 mins for a 10 second blood draw.

A blood draw where, even after being an old pro at blood work from all our years of IF, I still have to turn my eyes away.

The blood draw that I then take and ship to Omaha so that PPVI can monitor me for my progesterone.

Today, as much as I don't like waking early and driving 30 mins and getting poked, I am SO thankful for this extra monitoring.

A month of gratitude: day 4

Today, I am thankful for something I'm sure I take for granted more times than not...

...a hot, steamy, shower.

Today was a long day that began at 4 am. We had to be up and out to head east for an extremely early Mass, to celebrate an extremely early baptism of a beautiful baby girl.

The early morning mixed with all the time in the car mixed with an ever changing body had me aching tonight.

Thankfully, I was able to take a hot, steamy shower.

The heat and the steam seemed to melt away the aches and pains from the day.

The hot water soaked in instantly relaxing muscles that were sore and tight.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the hot steam, thanking God for something so simple as our shower.

While I was soaking up all the goodness of the shower I couldn't help but think that there are so many who are without power and heat.

So tonight, I thank God for the simple things in life that are fortunately there for me when I need them...like that hot, steamy shower.

A month of gratitude: day 3

Today I am thankful for our new car:

The thing is, my dh and I have horrible luck with cars.

We have always bought used cars but without fail...the three cars we've purchased in our 5 years of marriage, have been lemons.

Literally, a month or so after buying our new used car, a light would come on, a crazy spudder sound would occur, or it would simply break down.

And every time I would get such anxiety because 1)being stranded on the side of the road freaks me the heck out and 2)it was never a simple, cheap fix.

Anyways, so last month we decided that enough was enough when our most recent newest used car's (that we hasn't even had for a year) light came on.

We went and traded that lemon in and bought the new car we had always talked about.

So yes, we have a new car, we have a superb warranty and we are stress free when I comes to our car situation (for now at least!!!).

I am so grateful that my husband works hard and provides for us so that we are able to purchase a new car.

A month of gratitude: day 2

A month of gratitude-day one.

I'm following along with this pretty blogger (and I'm sure others!!) and am going to attempt a post a day, for Nov., about what I'm thankful for.

Now, to be honest, I've never blogged everyday for an entire month before. And now that I think about it, I am not even sure I've done a whole weeks worth of posts!

Oh well...I'm up for the challenge! I like the idea of slowing down and writing down things that I'm grateful for-no matter how big or small. This will definitely be a good thing leading up to Thanksgiving.

And now, on to day one:
Today I am thankful for my amazing husband. Especially after the day I had today (my hormones were extra crazy) and his amazing support and love, there was no way I couldn't mention him.

He is patient with me.
He is kind.
He supports me.
He works hard for our family-often missing out on family functions because of his crazy work schedule.

But most importantly, he is a man of God that loves me and honors me. I love that if something is happening and I'm upset, the first thing he does is try and lead us in prayer.

I am beyond blessed to have him by my side and am so thankful for him.