Friday, May 28, 2010

Non IF friends

I wanted to see what others thought about this topic.

I have some pretty amazing best friends. A couple of which we have been that way since we were in the 2nd grade! They are my go to girls for a good time, a good cry and anything really.

They are great! But it's so hard because one of the biggest things in my life that is going on I can't really talk to them about. Or rather, I should say I talk to but they definitely don't get it. I get the whole, "it's going to happen why do you worry!?" And, "just relax I just know God wants y'all to have lots of babies!" These statements usually come when I am having an especially hard day and they ask me about it. I am not like this always, but there are definitely days were hope is not as bright and fear takes over. So usually when this is happening I've tried to tell them that really, I'm not looking for advice but a person to listen to me.

It doesn't work though and I get to where I don't really open up that much to them and simply say it's hard because hearing their advice doesn't really help.

Do I try and open up to them in hopes that maybe one day they will just "get it?!" Or do I just leave it be and let them know it's hard without exposing the deep hurts of my heart for fear that they will not get it? Because really life goes on either way and even if I'm hurting they don't quite get the extinct of my hurt sometimes.

I have no clue if I am even expressing this right. It's just something that I have been struggling with for some time now and I wanted to see how other IFers are with their non IF friends.

I will say, although I am still new to this blogging world, I am beyond grateful for the blogs I have come across. And although I have just recently worked up the courage to comment and post, I have read many of these blogs for quite sometime now and there have been many a day that I was down and out, read a blog and have literally been in somewhat of awe at how it seemed that they were saying exactly what I was feeling!

Well, I'm about to head out to meet my brother and SIL for some pool time! YAY for summertime. Oh and I absolutely love these:


Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

I love pringles! I havn't tried the salt and vinegar yet though.

I hear ya on the non IF friends. None of my friends have any IF problems. We know one couple with some issues but we are not even that close. I have one friend who always asks if i'm pg yet and then tells me what i need to do to get there. The only reason it doesn't bother me when she does this, is b/c she's trying to make light of the situation for me and says it loudly so our other friends don't need to ask me about it. But really I don't bother to talk about it to my friends b/c they just don't get it. If they ask me questions I answer truthfully, but I don't offer my feelings about it to them. I think it makes it harder for me to deal with, and I'd rather not put myself threw that when I feel bad enough already. But that's just me.
hope this helps some.. :)

Hebrews 11:1 said...

I hear ya too. I was just telling DH that this is hard for me because I know NO ONE IRL that is having even the least bit of trouble. In fact I have two baby showers next weekend (and I am not looking forward to them).

I have non IF friends who know everything about my IF journey and who are pretty good about being understanding, and they don't say things like, oh just stop trying and it'll happen! and stupid advice like that. But it's still different from the type of understanding you get from, say, the bloggers--people who are out in the trenches with you. Suzie's right, there are a lot of people I just plain don't mention it to, because I don't want to deal with them.

So anyway, just wanted to say I feel your pain!!

Patiently Waiting said...

I feel your pain too, unfortunately. When we first started TTC there were a few couples who went through about a year with us...then another few who went through about two years of IF with we're pretty much the sole IFers left with no baby. And now all those past-IFers are starting to give us the "just relax" speech! It's pretty unbelievable! Anyway, my advice would be to talk to them and let them know as much about your story as you feel comfortable, so they know it's been a struggle. If they are good friends, they will understand. Let them know if this is something you'd like them to ask about, or if it's something you want to keep private between you and your DH. Our closest friends know my DH and I don't really like to talk about it, so unless we bring it up it isn't discussed. I like that it's on our terms, especially since I have no say in this IF business...or maybe it's because of my type-A personality! Either way, it makes me feel better! Take care and good luck!