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Sunday, September 26, 2010

Birthday week.

It's looking like I should ovulate later this week. And yes, it is looking like around/on my birthday this will happen. Oh great. Over analyzer me and my mind that doesn't seem to shush up for a moment has already started thinking "oh my goodness, what an amazing gift, what if I DO actually ovulate, what if we do conceive?, etc...". Yeah, it's really annoying to think about. To think about how this timing would seem so "perfect" and whatnot. I am trying my best not to think about it too much though because well, pretty much every time I think about the timing being perfect, it doesn't happen.

I really wish I could just STOP thinking about it. This is, in part, one of the reasons I have been down. I can't stop thinking about how badly I desire to be a mother. How badly I want my husband to be a father because he would make an amazing one. This pain is numbing. I want to be able to offer up, completely, this pain and this heart ache I feel. It's so stinkin' hard though. And, although I'm constantly praying, "YOUR will be done, I offer you my life and trust in Your Will" over and over, the pain is still there. It feels like I am still holding on to something. I don't know how to let go though. It feels like there's a thousand bricks weighing down on my chest. Why can't I just forget about it for just a day so that I can.just.breathe? Sometimes I don't feel like I am strong enough to handle this. I guess I have to pray for more strength and courage to be able to.

I know this much though, I am not giving up. I will continue to re-offer up this struggle and pain of IF to God each and every day. I WILL continue to trust throughout the pain. I will not let worry and fear over shadow the faith and hope I feel because I know that our time will come.

So yeah, it's the start of my birthday week (yes, I am a believer in birthday WEEKS!;)) and it stinks that I am feeling rather down. Here's hoping I can truly let go and let God.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”(L.Armstrong)

11 comments:

Mary said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK!!! Enjoy it! And if you drink alcohol, drink some - it really helps with relaxing ;)

I hope you feel better asap! Sending happy (and -ahem- fertile!!!) vibes your way!!!

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

You CAN handle this because God is giving it to you. And if you couldn't, he wouldn't.

Happy Birthday Week!

Megan said...

I agree with Kaitlin, and I along with so many others are praying for you! Happy early birthday!

Faith makes things possible said...

Mary-a margarita(s) should do the trick! ;)

Thanks ladies, I was feeling rather crummy earlier but simply readying that y'all are praying...well, I'm feeling better already! THANKS! And you're right, God most def would not give me more than I can handle! I def need to remind myself of this!

Lauren @ Magnify the Lord with Me said...

I'm sorry for the added pressure and frustration. One moment at a time...

I hope you have a good birthday week!!!

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

It's birthday week around here as well! I am really praying for you, sweetie! You just hang on and wait to see what gifts the Lord has in store for you! :)

JellyBelly said...

Happy birthday week! Im praying for blessings for you!

Michelle said...

Hello, I have been following you for a little while. I wanted to tell you about a book that I read that really has helped me through IF. It's called, "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I am currently re-reading it =) Don't give up!

~Michelle

Michelle said...

Hello, I have been following you for a little while. I wanted to tell you about a book that I read that really has helped me through IF. It's called, "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I am currently re-reading it =) Don't give up!

~Michelle

Faith makes things possible said...

Michelle-thanks, I def will check the book out, sounds perfect!!!! And if you are REreading it, it must be great!

Girls-thanks for the bday week wishes! My actual bday is Saturday! I will say, a major plus of birthday weeks is that chocolate dipped cones=zero calories! ;)

THANKS again for the prayers...they help out more than y'all could know and I'm beyond thankful for each and every one of them!

Grace in my Heart said...

Happy Birthday Week! :)