Ignorance is bliss

I don't even know where to start typing right now...my mind is sort of all over the place. I guess I'll start with the day of the surgery...

We had to be at the hospital at 5am and I was cool as a cucumber. We checked in and the nurse was so sweet and answered all our questions, ok, really she answered all my husband's questions because I was, like I mentioned, cool as a cucumber. It still didn't feel real that I was about to have this infamous surgery that we had thought about, dreamt about, prayed about and thought about for so long now. It started to feel a little more real when I was asked to slip in the gown and socks and lay in the bed though.

Then it felt even more real when they gave me my IV...I was surprised when they didn't want to do it in my right arm where I always got blood drown from (I suggested this because this was where my best veins were located!)...but rather they needed to put it in my hand. Nerves definitely started sinking in at this point.

Then the anesthesiologist came by and discussed what he would be doing. The one thing I will say about the nursing staff and all those that worked with me on Tuesday is that they were so sweet and compassionate. They seriously made me feel like the most important person and like I was their only patients. I loved that.

My doctor came by and we talked about what she was doing and then she grabbed my hand and my husband's hand and led us in prayer.

At this point I was just about in tears. And not because I was scared of what would happen or what they may or may not find...but I had a sense of peace rush over me and I knew that that was exactly where God wanted me to be. I kissed my husband and was given some "margarita" through my IV and off we went...

Ignorance is bliss.

I woke up in so much pain. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I had no idea I would be aching so badly nor did I realize how groggy and out of it I would feel. In all my go.ogling days leading up to surgery, not once did I search for what to expect AFTER surgery. Oh boy, is ignorance is bliss. If I had known, my anxiety level would have been a bit higher.

The surgery took about 2 hours, I was in recovery for about an hour and then my husband came back and it took another (almost) 2 hours before I was "well enough" to make it to the car to go to the hotel. I slept 18+ hours after we got back to the hotel. My husband was so amazing, helping me get up and getting me food to eat so that I could take my medicine. I seriously fall more and more in love with him each day...

I'm switching between pain meds and extra strength tyl.anol and am healing. Each day gets a bit better. I will say this though, when I try and do too much at one time my body goes from feeling pretty damn good to feeling like it was hit by a ton of bricks. My DH told me not to be too stubborn and just relax! My GM told me the same thing today after I was trying to organize some things here at her house. Oh yeah, and when a nurse called and checked up on me she said the same thing...I guess I need to just take it easy!

I don't think that I thought too long or too hard about the fact that I was having actual surgery because I thought I would be back to normal by now. Call me crazy, but I usually bounce back from sickness and other things pretty quickly, so I just assumed this would be no different. My doctor told me that for everyone, it's different and although some may be fine in a few days, others take up to two weeks or so. I hope that I fall somewhere in the middle! Thankfully my DH, Gm and family have been incredible with showering us with prayers and support during all this.

Ok, after typing all this out I realized that I haven't mentioned specifics about the actual surgery...so here goes: The wedge resection and drilling went great. She said that my ovaries looked great and my uterus looked great also. She found mild endometriosis and removed it and afterwards my tubes looked wonderful (she did the dye test and it flowed WONDERFULLY she said). She said that she was impressed that everything looked so beautifully (her words, not mine...never thought I would hear those words!) and that she was glad she found and removed the endometriosis. I have stitches in my belly button and over my left ovary and down by my uterus which I'll go back in two weeks to get removed.

Oh yeah, my old Dr. that referred us to this new doctor actually showed up to the hospital to assist during the surgery and to talk with my husband. He said he has worked with us for so long he was eager to help. It was so sweet to know that he didn't have to be there but stopped by to show his support.

Sorry this post is all over the place...I blame it on exhaustion, pain meds and excitement that everything is over...

And I'm off!

I'll be back post surgery [ohmygoodnessicantbelieveit'shere!!!]...
Possibly post move depending on how busy things are!

Ps...today's readings, gospel and homily at Mass were so wonderful and came at such a perfect time for us. I was truly moved. And something that I love so much, is reading others blogs who talk about the readings also, it's as if we were all sitting together at the same Mass! That's definitely something I love about the Catholic Church!

Quick Takes

1) I'm about 60% done with all the packing. Feels good but I still feel SO far from done. Damn those closets where I have simply thrown things in to get out of the way...

2) I was having a bit of an "issue" with a cousin of mine today. She's 21. She told me 4 months ago that she felt old and that she wished she was already married with children, etc.. Now she is engaged. I tried calling her to talk about this but wasn't able to get a hold of her so I sent a message via FB just to check and see more about what was going on, follow up on our crazy conversation from a few months ago and see if she was truly ready to be married (etc..etc..). Yeah...that went well. And by well I mean the sh*t hit the fan. It's just so darn hard to get a message across, emotions and all, in a message without the possibility of it coming across as judgmental. After I received her "not quite the response I was expecting because I was being nice and non judgmental" I was shocked. Thankfully, this time instead of messaging back I sent her a text and said to call me when she got off work and she did and we talked and things are fine now. Apparently, the part of the message where I wrote "I don't think you are being crazy, stupid or irrational..." she read as "I think you ARE being crazy, stupid or irrational..." thus making sense of her response. Although I still may have reservations because of our conversation in February, I realized that all I could do was express my concern, hear her side and pray for her.

3) #2 kept my mind off moving and surgery all day because I got the message from her this morning and we weren't able to speak until tonight. Maybe it was good to worry about something else for a change. Just kidding, I'd really rather not worry about anything but that's kinda not me. I really am trying to work on not worrying so much, though, because no good comes from it.

4) Speaking of surgery, I can't believe that it's in a few short days. The hopefulness is still there and I like that. I HOPE the hopefulness stays around...

5) Have I mentioned how much I hate packing?! Well...I do!

6) I was really excited today to read that I had won an award over at Little Catholic Bubble even though my answer wasn't all right! Maybe next time! :)

7) Last but not least...I'm missing my husband. Since he works nights I'm trying my best to do the packing so that he doesn't have to worry about it. Although I know how much he loves working nights, in his certain area, with his guys...I don't so much like it. There are times that I wished that we could be a "normal" couple where he goes to work 9-5 and we spend the evenings and weekends together. Even though I think about this, I would never want him to change because it's what he loves and it makes him happy. Happy husband=happy wife=happy life!

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. (Leo Buscaglia)

I don't believe in coincidences

I really don't. I feel that everything that happens is because of God. Because of His timing and His reasoning.

With this being said, I woke up this morning and was on FBook...I saw that I had a message and went to read it. This is what it said:

Probably way too personal: But I was wondering... are you trying to conceive? Your statuses have made me wonder and I've sort of been expecting you to announce your pregnant at any time since your wedding! :)

I'm only asking because I'd like to specifically pray for you if you are. Children are such a blessing, not only to the individual parents, but to the couple and their marriage.

I hope this message doesn't offend you! Just don't respond if you don't want to. I know how personal trying to conceive is.

Hope you are well!

I was shocked. I have never once posted about our struggles with TTC on FB. Yes, I have the occasional "I trust in God's plans" and "His Will be done" sort of status from time to time but never once have I mentioned it. This is a girl who I went to HS with but wasn't very close to. She is a very sweet Christian girl who has been married about a year less than we have. She and her husband got pregnant just a few short months after they got married. She has a blog and I follow it (privately of course, so as to not "out" myself). It was about her pregnancy and now chronicles her day to day fun of being a stay at home mom to a beautiful little boy. Anyways, when I opened and read the letter I was literally brought to tears. This message has come days before the surgery and she offered to pray for us, which we all know the power of prayer. I wrote her back and gave her the background (short version) of our TTC history and told her that I would greatly appreciate her prayers.

It's just crazy. I woke up this morning, after not sleeping well again, and was trying to offer up any anxieties about all this and then I find this message. Short and sweet. God is good like that. He knew I was feeling anxious and He knew I needed someone to say, "Hey, I'm praying for you!"

Speaking of prayers...thanks to everyone for their prayers for this upcoming surgery! They definitely help and they definitely bring a smile to my face knowing I have some pretty amazing women offering up prayers for me.

I believe in prayer. It's the best way we have to draw strength from heaven. (Josephine Baker)

Recent happenings: Surgery Scheduled

I'm at my apartment's computer lab so it's WAY easier to blog! YAY! I wanted to start by posting a picture that I took, on my phone, earlier this week:

I saw it and HAD to take a picture...too neat not to! [It's a heart in case you couldn't tell! ;)

Ok, now on to what's been going on...
I got the call this morning. Yes, the call about this much talked about surgery. It is scheduled for Tuesday morning, July 27th. Oh my. I guess it's really happening. We will head down to San Antonio on Monday and stay til Wednesday. I know that I shouldn't be worried or nervous or anxious...but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't. I haven't really slept well at all these last few nights because I can't stop thinking about packing, moving, storage units, house hunting, cleaning, surgery...etc. I just keep telling myself that next Friday it will all be something of the past.

For now though, OHMYGOODNESS. I'm just trying to stay calm. Having so much going on has meant that I haven't thought too much about the surgery, which to me is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I can't over analyze or worry [too much] but bad because I (pity party alert) haven't been able to really think about it! I wish that I could stop...breathe...and really cherish this time because we have looked forward to it for so long now. But, HIS timing in all of this is perfect and although it's still hard for me to understand, I am continuing to trust.

Some people may think I have nothing to worry about with this surgery, or that it'll be easy or whatnot. But for me, it's something that we have prayed about and thought about for so long. With this surgery comes so many possibilities and hopes. The anxiousness that God has led us here for a reason. The real possiblity that this MAY help me to actually ovulate which may help us to get pregnant. Something that hasn't really been able to happen the whole three years that we have been married.

I'm just trying to hang on to hope right now. That's the beauty in the beginning of this, the beauty in stepping into the unknown and trusting God...there's so many high hopes and that gives us so much excitement and so much joy. Of course, there's the flip side...the scary side that creeps in and all I hear is "what if it doesn't work, what if NOTHING happens as result, what if, what if, what if..." It's time like that that I try and remember that God is in control here and He will provide and take care of us and then I go back to thinking about the wonderful possibilities that may take place.

I just continue to pray for comfort, confidence and calmness with all that is about to occur with the move, house hunting and the surgery and anything else God might decide to throw our way.

Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands. (Elisabeth Elliot)

Short cycle

This cycle, I was told to take prometrium to jump start my period and after my period ends, to call and schedule my surgery. Well, I started on Wed and yesterday was the last day! This is the shortest cycle I've had but surprisingly, I was s bit more crampy. I don't know what to think besides the fact that tomorrow I'm going to call and set up this appointment....

These next two weeks are certainly going to be crazy and filled with so much. Between the house hunting, the packing, finding a storage unit and moving in with my Gm until we find a house (our rent would go up $300 if we did month to month...no way, no how!) and surgery...well, I'm not quite sure how it's possible to do it all, but somehow God thinks we can and so we trust.


"Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's  simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step. (Joni Erikson Tada)

Quickie

Our computer will be out of commission for quite awhile. Please bare with me as I try to stay up on commenting and posting!

On the fertility front:
CD2. Once my period is over I'll call and my surgery will be scheduled that next week. So it's looking as if it will happen not next week but the week after!! Eek...

Prayer requests

It's late and I'm beat after a long weekend and busy day, but I wanted to ask those that read if they wouldn't mind saying a prayer (or two or three or however many you can spare) for two things weighing on my heart and keeping me up even though I'm exhausted:

1) I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to follow up about my blood work and to see if we can schedule the surgery. Like always, I'm nervous....

2) We put an offer in on a house we love today! A cute there bedroom two bath starter home. Since this is our first homebuying experience we are quite nervous but still hopeful!

Thank you ladies. Besides the above listed and (a not so important issue of) our computer still being dead thus making it hard to post/read/comment...I'm trying to remember to count my blessings!!

"Life's too blessed to be stressed!" -something my Gm use to always tell us growing up

Quick takes

1) If it seems like I'm not as "active" in the blogging world it's not because I choose too, it's because our hard drive crashed!!!! It's a bit harder to read/comment/post on my phone but I'm trying! Who knows when we'll get the computer taken care of! Let's just say it's not at the top of our list since we've started looking for a house!

2) I saw Eclipse tonight with some of my family and I loved it!! Yes, it's true...I'm really a 16 year old who loves Twilight! ;)

3) I'm heading to West Texas tomorrow for our family reunion! It'll be fun I'm sure but I am a bit bummed that my DH can't come because he works. We've been together going on 8 years and married over 3 and he's never been able to make it because of deployments/training/work etc... Maybe next time (we have them every two years)...

4) We saw a home we really liked the other day! It was crazy, looking at homes with my husband...we've lived in apartments our three years of marriage and so this is definitely new! We are going back out Monday to see it again and some other ones our realtor found. So far it's been quite fun, let's hope it stays that way!!

5) It rained cats and dogs today. I was out running errands and when I got home all I had to do was go from the carport to the stairs (a hop, skip and jump away) and I was DRENCHED!!

6) I, like many others, am excited to be participating in the prayer buddies.

7) No word from my doctor about the lab work and so surgery hasn't been scheduled. I've been so busy this week helping my Gm and family get ready for the reunion that I haven't thought about it much or I guess I should say I haven't worried about it as much! I'm sure I'll hear next week and if not I'll call them myself! Check me out taking initiative!! ;)

Ps...my brother's wedding was beautiful and so much fun! We all stayed in a cute hotel downtown and enjoyed every moment of it! Yesterday my cousins and I went to their apartment and dropped of their gifts and made some "welcome home to the new mr.&mrs" signs and bought them some goodies to enjoy! Just something fun for them to come home to from their honeymoon tomorrow.

And now...since I have to be up in 4 hours to get ready to leave for the reunion, I think I'll call it a night!

Blood work done...

I did it. I completed the bloodwork that was necessary to do before I can schedule the surgery! Go me! (In my head here I am hearing a roaring of applause!) ;)

I was suppose to do it last Friday before leaving to CS for the wedding (which was BEAUTIFUL and I will explain more about that later) but somehow "ran out of time" and didn't do it. Then I promised myself that Monday (yesterday), I would definitely do it. But of course I failed to realize that it was a holiday so the lab was closed.

Not going to lie...I didn't mind. I know that I should have, because this lab work was the last thing keeping me from setting the date of the infamous surgery. However, I realized after the weekend and putting it off, that I was terrified.

Scared because THIS LAB WORK WAS THE LAST THING KEEPING ME FROM SETTING THE DATE OF THE INFAMOUS SURGERY. Makes it more real I suppose. I know noone in real life (ha,ha...sounds like I have "imaginary" friends) that has had this surgery or has struggled with IF and well for some reason scheduling this dang surgery has been more difficult than I ever thought possible.

But, last night I set an appointment online to go in this morning bright and early to do the blood work.

So...here I am:

Arm a little sore.

Heart rather anxious.

Waiting for the phone call from my doctor to say "Let's do this."

And I can do this. I know that God has led me here (I say this a lot and I feel it but I think it makes me feel better to reaffirm it, so I type it out) and I know that we are in good hands with my doctor. Fear of the unknown and fear of what may or may not happen has consumed me more than I would like to admit, but nonetheless, I am here and I am trusting.

I seriously NEVER thought I would be this anxious about simply SCHEDULING the surgery but I guess I never let myself think about it that much.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I am in the middle of preparing dinner but realized that I needed to get this off my chest and so I did....

And I feel good.


There are always uncertainties ahead, but there is always one certainty--God's will is good. (Vernon Paterson)

P.S

I love how FB advertises for things that they think are relevant to you...I have seen this ad tooooooo many times and I want to punch it! Not really, but you get the picture! Do any of you guys get crazy ads also?! Oh yeah...and of course I have seen a lot of BCP ads...how they think I need help getting pregnant and also want to use birth control makes no sense...crazy fb!



Also, I love the "Airplanes" song...

"Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, Wish right now"

Busy busy busy bee

I have done a rather poor job of blogging and commenting! I've read a couple posts here and there but have been rather busy and well, I guess this is life!

I am heading to B-CS this weekend because my big brother is getting married!!!! I'm sooo excited! She's a great girl and I'm so excited to get a new sister. My younger brother got married last August and I was married June '07 and now my big brother is joining the amazing club called marriage! ;)

I hope that all you ladies are doing well. I have continued to pray for many of you, so even if I haven't posted a comment in awhile it definitely doesn't mean that I have stopped the prayers.

A couple prayer requests:
-That my blood work goes well tomorrow so we can schedule my surgery soon after.
-My husband is doing a sign up at work and he really wants to keep the same time and days off...the big sign up is at 3:30 today!!
-That the house hunting goes smoothly (is that even possible?!).
-That my brother's wedding goes great filled with tons of love and lots of laughter!

Happy (almost) weekend to everyone!!!


"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."