God gave us our time at the beginning...

My dh and I were lying in bed the other day chatting about nothing in particular. I guess my mind was wondering because he asked me what was up.

I told him about how I could not stop thinking about how we are so close to meeting our daughter, so close to meeting this little one who we have prayed for and missed for all these years.

We talked about our journey and how difficult and scary it was at times-not knowing when/how our family would grow.

The one thing we knew of was that we trusted that it would grow somehow-whether adoption or conception.

But that waiting and the not knowing...that was hard.

So unbelievably hard.

So hard that words could never do justice what it was like.

But then, my dh started describing how God gives couples time alone...just the two of them, and how most couples seem to get that time later in life, after their little ones are grown and moving out.

Then he said, "God gave us our time at the beginning of our marriage. And I know that our marriage is 100% stronger for that."

Hearing him say those words, of course, brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't agree more with what he said and the most amazing part about it is that, in the midst of talking about the pain of waiting and not knowing, he was seeing something beautiful...a gift from God...alone time that allowed him and I to grow and learn from.

He's always had such a great outlook on our IF struggle (which he said he'll blog about here at one point!!!)...sure he hurt and got mad, but his faith never wavered and he trusted.

He was definitely my anchor during months when I felt so lost or so down.

So, sure we didn't get a surprise honeymoon baby, or a BFP 6 months later after our first doctor's appointment, over 5 years ago...but what God has given to me, an amazing, faith-filled husband, is something I will always feel beyond grateful for.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." [Mignon McLaughlin]

For all those still waiting...

We wanted to offer up a spiritual bouquet for all those still waiting...

Waiting on their precious families to grow, waiting on meeting their spouses or waiting on God to reveal his Will.

Like I mentioned in my last post, y'all have not been far from my mind this advent season and there are many other women feeling the same...

So, we come together in prayer, offering up spiritual sacrifices, for each and every person still waiting.

My prayers will most definitely continue beyond the advent season! Praying everyone has a safe, happy and joyful Christmas season!!!

Tears at Church today.

It was at Mass today, right after communion, right after I got back to my pew and moments after my little one gave me one big kick to my right rib, that I started to cry.

I cried tears of joy because of that kick I was feeling.
Tears of joy thinking that my daughter was nestled safe and sound within my womb.
Tears of joy thinking about how we are getting so very close to meeting that little one with the swift kicks.

Then, just as suddenly as the tears of joy came on, tears of sadness began to fill my eyes as I thought back to last Christmas when we found out that our first ever potential adoption turned out so very horribly.  I remember doing a lot of "faking it until I make it" around this time last year and the many many holidays before.

Oh the holidays mixed with IF...

Sure, I wasn't there anymore, thankfully, but I couldn't help but sit in that pew today, thinking about all those women, all over the world, that were still there. 

And that's when I really lost it.
The tears started flowing and all I could think of was that I knew of far too many women that would be sitting through the holidays, choking back tears because of IF.

That pain that I felt for so many years was the very pain that others were still experiencing.

Some, the pain is a new thing.

For others, the pain is something that they've experienced for far too long.

All I know is that as I sat in Church today, I prayed for all those that I knew were still waiting.

I prayed for y'all.

It's not lost on me that there are many of y'all still waiting.

There's honestly not a day that goes by that I don't offer up prayers for those still waiting.

After Mass, my dh and I stayed back for a moment and prayed some more for all those still waiting.  We talked about how we want this next year to be filled with MANY announcements of growing families...whether through conception or adoptions. 

I really am hoping that 2013 proves to be a good year...especially among all of you wonderful blogger buddies.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
[Elisabeth Kübler-Ross]  

Fingers crossed...

But, not holding my breath!

I'll believe when I see it!

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Blogging question!

I feel so silly that I can't figure this out...because obviously at one point I knew what I was doing, buuuut, can someone please tell me how to subscribe to other blogs?!

At one point there was a link to click at the top left that said "follow this blog" but not now!

I'm having troubles keeping up with new blogs that I want to follow because I go down my blog list and well, since I have subscribed to any new ones in forever, I keep forgetting to check!

Anyways, thanks in advanced for your help.

Now...off to clean up the disaster of a kitchen-I made sugar cookies with icing for dh to bring to work! Needless to say, there's quite a bit of flower every.where!!! Want the amazing recipe?! Here's the links for the Icing and the cookies! Enjoy! :)


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Low progesterone...

Ain't got nothing on my 33 week bump! ;)

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Progesterone.

I've been wanting to write a post about my progesterone in hopes that it will give hope to someone-because my progesterone has been less than stellar from the get go.

To begin, I was always told that they wanted to see a progesterone level of at least 11 to even consider the idea that I ovulated.  My numbers from the 4.5 years of being prodded and pricked have ranged anywhere from 4-12, usually around 5-7 though.

So, my monthly routine would often consist of me taking whatever meds the doctor prescribed (clomid, femera, hcg shots, prometrium, metformin, etc...) and then come in for an ultrasound series to see if I had a dominate follicle.  Prior to my surgery (ovarian wedge) in July of 2010, I had never seen a dominate follicle.  After my surgery, the medicine seemed to help and there were numerous times that a dominate follicle popped up during the sono.

Then, I would wait and go get my blood drawn however many days later to "see if I ovulated" and just about every.single.time I was told that my progesterone was too low and that there was no way I ovulated.  After hearing this, AF would show up not long after to reaffirm my not ovulating and we would put yet another cycle behind us.

But the thing is, I am realizing that even with a low progesterone read, it IS possible to get pregnant.  That's what happened to us.  My low progesterone number of 6.2 was a number that wasn't far from other readings that I had had in the past-you know, the times where I was told I hadn't ovulated-but it was my first lab draw at around 4 or so weeks pregnant.

Like I mentioned back in June, my old doctor was just going to "let us see what would happen" because surely with a low number like that I would miscarry (not his exact words but a close to it as you can get without saying it out front).

The point in all this?  My body does not produce progesterone worth a flip!  Even when pregnant!  I remember so many times reading other bloggers' lab results with their progesterone numbers being well over 20+ and yet still being told that it was low.

And yet, my low progesterone number of 6.2 did not keep me from being/staying pregnant.

Here we are, almost 33 weeks pregnant, and by the grace of God, the PPVI institute was willing to work with me and monitor my numbers throughout our pregnancy.

And just to give a better understanding of my progesterone numbers, here's where I've been throughout our pregnancy (if I'm missing a week it's because I forgot to write it down...eek!  I tried to be good about this though!!):

6/5 (4-5 weeks pregnant): 6.2
6/7: 8.6
6/12: 10.2
6/26: 14.7
7/10: 17.1
7/24: 21.1
8/6: 26.1
8/24: 33.2
9/10: 48.4
9/24: 57.3
****I have no clue where any of my October numbers are...all I do remember is that for some reason, that month, each reading was lower than the week before...and I freaked out of course.
11/8: 61.3
12/3: 69.4

And like I said, I'm missing some because when they would call with the results I would forget to write it down.  Overall though, my numbers aren't that great-even with 2 200mg progesterone suppositories daily and 200mg PIO injections 2X a week...my body just doesn't like to produce progesterone! 

I'm not just writing this out for me , so that one day I can look back and remember, but also, like I said, to hopefully give another PCOSer gal with stinky progesterone numbers a little bit of hope.

Because sometimes hope is all you've got when the going gets really tough.

I'm pretty sure most all of us know this by now.

I apologize if this post is all over the place and that overall it doesn't make the most sense, I just sort of word vomited out everything in regards to my progesterone.

I tried.

Now, off to organize bills (wahoo) and old mail that has been collecting on the desk...

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.”
 

Prayers for Connecticut

I cannot not believe that this has happened...a school shooting...at an elementary school.

At least 27 dead.

Most of which are children.

Innocent children.

My heart breaks for all those lives lost today.

I'm in tears wondering how something so horrible could happen.

Today, let's all take time to say prayers for all those lives lost and their families.

"For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and all the whole word."

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My non-IFer friend's post about our wait.

I'm in beautiful tears after reading the post one of my non-IFer friends wrote.

You see, we've shared our story about our struggle and although there are quite a few that know a little of what we have gone through, I definitely wonder just how much my non-IF friends understand.

Until tonight, when a friend who has three sweet babies, all under three, who has been married nearly as long as we have, wrote a post about me.

And our wait.

And I cried.
Because even though she may not understand the pain fully-the way you could only ever understand if you had walked the road of IF-she sees that through our struggle, all these moments leading up to meeting our sweet little one has us seeing things from a different perspective than say, someone who hasn't had to wait .

Now, instead of trying to explain, I'll simply post what she wrote...

I have a friend named J. I went to her baby shower today.

J has long blonde hair like Repunzel and big blue eyes. She received lots of gifts today at her shower: pacifiers, handmade bibs, diapers.

But she also has a very special gift -- an uncommon gift -- one that took a long time to create.

It's the gift of perspective.

You see, J and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for four and a half years -- since they were but newlyweds. They visited many doctors, said many prayers, shed many tears -- week after week, month after month.

And then one night, to her surprise, she saw for the first time in a half-decade, a pregnancy test that said: pregnant.

Pregnant.

For many of us who conceive babies fairly quickly, it's easy to take this miracle for granted. Sure, we think babies are a gift -- but J. She knows.

She knows how many little miraculous things have to come together just perfect at just the right time to make the miracle of life. She knows what it's like to wait. And wait. And wait some more. And she knows that really, it's not up to us anyway.

And so she delights. Unlike any pregnant woman I've ever met, she delights in every movement, every pound, every morning sickness, every milestone. And her baby girl who is soon to be here is named after the very thing that kept J and her husband going strong these past five years: Faith.

As her faith grew, her Faith now grows — and what a reminder to us all.

Every child is a miracle.

Packages in the mail

This time of the year there's always a good chance that you'll receive at least one package in the mail.

Packages in the mail=always exciting.

Packages in the mail with things like this:

=So completely incredible.

I cried when I saw it and it was even more special coming from a sweet friend of mine IRL that had struggled to conceive their sweet little boy.

I cannot wait to see Faith in this because throughout all our years of struggle, she has totally been worth the wait!

Now, excuse me as I go wipe my tears from my eyes...


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Praise The Lord!!!!

At 28 weeks I had my one hour glucose test.

And I failed.

I was so worried I'd fail the three hour one also, especially because PCOSers are more susceptible to getting gestational diabetes.

I was so nervous and quite honestly, beating myself up pretty hard about it because I felt like my body was failing me yet again.

Through prayer and an amazing husband, I realized this was something I had zero control over and that we would cross that bridge when/if we got there,

Fast forward to today, almost 31 weeks....

I found out I passed with flying colors!!!!! I don't have gestational diabetes!!!!

Failed the first but aced the three hour! Praise The Lord!!!!

I'm quite relieved...in case you couldn't tell!

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A month of gratitude: day 30

I can't believe I actually did this...a post a day for an entire month! To be honest, I didn't think I would be able to finish but I'm so happy I did. I already can't wait to look back and see what I was thankful for each day in Nov '12!!!

As for what I'm thankful for today, it would be my nieces and nephews.

I have 12 total.
2 on my side of the family.
10 on dh's side.
3 sweet nieces.
9 crazy nephews.
The oldest is 14.
The youngest is just over a month.
2 are our godsons.
They are all amazing.

Sure there were times when the announcement that they'd be arriving in 9 months was sometimes brought with bitterness and sadness.

But one things for sure, seeing them for the first time, spending time with them and be called Aunt J is such a blessings.

These precious ones helped to comfort me when IF became unbearable at times.

I never knew I could love little ones the way I love my nieces and nephews.

I can't even begin to imagine the love I'll have for my own sweet daughter, but if the love for my nieces and nephews is any indicator I know it's going to be a love like I never knew was possible.

A month of gratitude: day 29

Thanks for putting up with my venting in my last post...glad y'all don't think I'm crazy!

And now, what I'm thankful for!

I'm beyond thankful for my talented SIL and the beautiful maternity/family photos she took.

Here's just a few sneak peeks...

She's sending them to me a few at at time, after editing, and I get so excited every time there's a new email from her! I'm can't wait to make our Christmas cards this year-I'm SO excited!!!

Why do I get so frustrated?!?!

I promise I'll update tonight with my month of gratitude, but I just had to vent first....

I have this friend, who I'm not really that close to anymore but because of FB we are obviously caught up on each others' lives.

Her story, they very sadly and unfortunately had 2 miscarriages when they were married 12 years ago. After suffering with infertility for 4 years, they sought help with Dr. H at the PPVI and by the grace of God, the surgery to get rid of her endo was a success and they had their first baby boy 8 years ago!

Then, 2 years after that they had their next son (I think she took progesterone).

Then 2 years later they had their next son-not sure if meds were involved here.

Then, just as they had before (their ideal 2 years apart), they had their 4th son.

He's only 1.5 and even though they've successfully gotten pregnant when "planned" she will still talk openly in FB about her infertility. Like today, this:

I specifically remember when her littlest one turned 1 in June that she posted for prayers for her in regards to her IF because they were desperately starting to try for #5 again.

That was 5 months ago people!

I know that the pains of IF will linger long after babies are (God willing) in our arms, but I get frustrated seeing this because there are quite a few people that I know who have struggled for years (hello we were one of them!!!) that are friends with her on FB and seeing statuses like this stings.

One of our mutual friends actually, who I am really close with, has told me that she's told her that since they have "planned" out the timing of their 4 sons, to talk about still suffering with IF is probably not appropriate especially since there are so many still suffering.

Ugh-it's just so hard to look past this especially because I know she's aware of at least three couples who are currently battling the cross of IF.

Okay, okay...now that I've vented I hope y'all don't think I'm a horrible person for getting so bothered by this, but she's done this in the past, while we were still TTC, and it hurt then and now it just bothers me.

I need to get over it...hoping now that I've vented and typed it out I can stop being annoyed.

Vent over.


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A month of gratitude: day 28

I finally got around to decorating the tree and putting out more Christmas decorations today...and our home is feeling especially cozy now!

As I was going through the ornaments, I found one I bought last year.

Hope. I remember last year, as I have done for all the years before, I was clinging to hope...hope that maybe this next year would be our year.

Little did I know only 4 months in to the new year that hope would turn into celebration!

Hope.

Cling to it.
You never know what tomorrow will bring.

And then, as I was going through the other decorations, I found a message I had written on one of the candle boxes, before packing it away.



What a beautiful reminder my past self was leaving for my current self.

Cherishing every moment.

So, tonight I'm thankful for little reminders that were packed away from last Christmas.

Reminders to hope.
Reminders to slow down and cherish every moment.

A month of gratitude: day 27

Today I am SO SO SO very thankful that we got the call from my Gm that my cousin is stateside!!!!!!

He's been in Afghanistan for the last year (he's a combat medic) and been through and seen so much.

He's lost comrades.
He's seen innocent lives lost before his eyes.
He was shot at and by the grace of God, only received minor injuries.
He's received a Purple Heart for his injuries.

In the midst of all that, our family has prayed fervently that he would be protected and brought home safely.

And as of yesterday he landed in the good ol' U.S of A!!!!!!!

Praise The Lord!!!

Thank you Lord for protecting my cousin and thank you Lord for all those who continue to serve.

A month of gratitude: day 26

Y'ALL!!!!
That's right...today I'm thankful for y'all-all the wonderful people I've "met" in the blogging community!

I don't know how many times I've felt completely alone in our IF journey with my feelings, thoughts and symptoms.

Then, I discovered this amazing community and realized that I wasn't alone.

And what an incredible feeling to know you're not alone, especially while carrying the very painful cross of IF.

Sure, I may not be the best at commenting (ill work on that I promise!), the most eloquent with words and my pictures are 99.9% from my iPhone but those things don't matter. One things for sure, I love this community and the support that goes along with it.

And as amazing as my dh has been throughout all our years of struggle, there's something about knowing that another woman gets the emotional turmoil and pain that comes along with another baby shower, or another pregnancy announcement or the feeling that you are failing as a woman.

This community has been a life saver more times than not.

So, thank y'all!!!!


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A month of gratitude: day 25

Today I'm thankful that we can start thinking about Christmas! :)

The decorating has begun...

A month of gratitude: day 24

Today I am thankful for Texas A&M football.

I went to school there.
I love the traditions.
The spirit is amazing amongst fellow Aggies.

And, what I love is that watching the Aggies now usually means time with family.

Aggie football + family time=one thankful lady! :)


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A month of gratitude: day 23

My family and my in laws are amazing and I'm so very grateful and excited that my daughter gets to be part of it all.


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A month of gratitude: day 22

Family.
Enough said.
:)


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A month of gratitude: day 21

As tired as my hand is from writing thank you notes, I'm beyond grateful that I'm writing them...a beautiful reminder of my shower!

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A month of gratitude: day 20

I'm thankful for my crockpot! It makes for delicious, easy dinners!

Tonight we had chicken tacos! Chicken breast+salsa+pack of tack seasoning+8 hours cooking on low=easy and delicious!

A month of gratitude: day 19

Today I'm thankful for modern technology...especially 3d sonograms!!!

We got a sneak at our little one today and it was so surreal-I cannot believe that she is nestled up inside me.

Feeling oh so very blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 18

Today I am thankful for lazy Sundays at home with my love.

Sure, it started out with Mass and then straight to a 1 year old birthday party...

BUUUT...after we got home and slipped into sweatpants and slippers...we were able to relax and be lazy.

And for that, I'm thankful!


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A month of gratitude: day 17

Today I'm thankful for photos!!! Old ones and new ones.

They help capture memories that could have otherwise been lost....

Like this picture of me rocking a mullet when I was younger:

:)

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A month of gratitude: day 15& day 16

Yesterday (oops-forgot to post!), I was thankful for my little one's kicks and wiggles. I can seriously just lay and stare at my belly jumping and rolling from one side to the other! Truly an amazing feeling and sight to see. Oh and can you believe that we are already in our third trimester! So very thankful to be able to type those words also!

Today, I am thankful for the cooler weather! Here in Texas you never know what the weather will be like day to day (80 one day and then cold the next!). I just think it should be mandatory for the weather to be cooler around the holidays! It just doesn't seem right to be rocking a bikini on Thanksgiving! ;)***


***By the way, I have never rocked a bikini on Thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure you get the picture!!!


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A month of gratitude: day 14

Today, I am thankful for surprise packages in the mail!!!

Earlier, I got a knock on the door and as I went to see who was there I saw the FedEx truck drive off.

^Insert excitement here^
I mean, who doesn't like to see the FedEx truck?!

Then, I looked down and saw this box:

Call it hormones or what, but I literally got goosebumps and teary eyed from knowing that there were some crack cupcakes in there!!!

My sweet SIL, BIL and nephews sent them to me!



I opened the box and found 10 salted caramel cupcakes (the ones that I describe as crack! ;)) and two other flavors:


But, I had to be patient and let them thaw for three hours before diving right in.

Thankfully, I was busy during that time. I went up to my dh's sector because they were having a pre-thanksgiving meal/get together before they had to work.

But believe me, once I got home, I went straight to enjoy a cupcake!

Ok, I lied...I had two!
But that's besides the point.

My SIL taught me how to eat this particular kind of cupcake also...you heat it up for 15 or so seconds first! Ooey, gooey amazingness will follow:






Ps-if you live in the D.C area, got to D.C cupcakes/Georgetown cupcakes and order a salted caramel one...you won't be sad you did.

A month of gratitude: day 13

Today I'm thankful for:

I rarely take them because we don't have a big tub, but my goodness, tonight I didn't even care that my belly and knees stuck out of the water! It was so relaxing on this cold night, especially after a rather long, productive day!

A month of gratitude: day 12

Today I'm thankful for my SIL who was awesome and took pictures at my shower on Saturday-especially because it didn't feel quite real!

Here's just a couple of sneak peek photos she sent (which I love!!):

And my sweet husband showed up at the end, before going into work, to check out all the gifts. It was so fun seeing him surrounded by all that pink!


The shower was beyond amazing...although there were many times where if felt like an out of body experience! I literally cried most of the way to the shower-because I just couldn't believe it was happening-and off and on throughout the shower. It flew by, but I'm not so bummed by that because we are blessed to get another shower in Dec...

So very blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 11

Today I am thankful for all those who have served our country.

For all those who have fought for our freedoms.

For all those who have sacrificed.

And I'm especially thankful for the veterans in my life: my dh, brothers, BILs, cousins, etc...

And a special thanks to any blogger buddies who have special veterans in their life also!

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2nd hospital visit in one week?

Yesterday I missed my day 9 of gratefulness but it was because it ended with me in the hospital...for the second time this week!

I mentioned a few days ago the reasons for my first visit and yesterday's visit was completely different.

This week has been tough actually, starting out with that first visit to the hospital, lack of sleep because I hadn't found a good sleeping position because of the pain I am feeling, and battling a cough that seems to get worst at night.

Thankfully Wed I discovered a way to get comfortable sleep wise (hello belly wedge pillow!) but that dang, annoying, tickle in my throat had me up every few hours trying to hack up a lung.

But, at least I was sleeping a little better so I didn't care about the wanting to hack up the lung part.

Onto yesterday-I was feeling so much better and was grateful that from Tue-thur all I had to do was rest and take it easy and get spoiled by my amazing dh (like previously mentioned!) so I decided I was feeling well enough to help my SIL out.

After helping my SIL with some stuff in the am, I decided that I could finally go out and shop for my shower dress (which is today!).

I noticed cramping and my lower back hurting a bit but didn't think much of it because I figured it was because it was my first day out all week.

I run to a couple stores, coming up with nothing but some cute little hostess gifts, and then decide to head to the mall.

I was feeling rather tired but was amped at the thought of finding a cute dress to wear to my shower!

First stop at the mall was the bathroom, of course.

It was then I noticed pink spotting on my underwear.

My heart starts to race a bit but I didn't freak out, thankfully.

Then I noticed more when I wiped.

I get a little more nervous but am still pretty rational and decide to call my doctor.

I called, answered questions and then was told to get to the maternal observation floor for them to figure out the cause of the bleed.

Here's where my calm, rational side sorta flys out the door...

I get off the phone, start walking through the mall, tears filling my eyes, hand rubbing my belly, frantically calling my husband.

I tell him what's going on-he says to "try and not worry, say and prayer and we will get to the hospital soon."

The tears continue until I get to my car when full out "oh my goodness dear Lord what's happening I don't know if I can handle this!!" mode started and I began to sob...

And beg God and the Blessed Mother to wrap their arms around our baby girl.

I begged him to protect her.

My mind raced with what could be wrong...with what I could have done.

I, by the grace of God made it home to my husband and we left for the hospital.

I had tears flowing.
He remained calm.

I was telling him I don't want to lose her or for something to be wrong with her or for my body to fail her.
He reminded me we were just in the hospital a few short days before that and she was healthy as can be.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was much calmer (although still nervous) by the help of lots of prayer and my dh.

We definitely compliment each other-for that I am so grateful.

First thing was hooking me up to the monitor: our little one sounded amazing and no contractions.

After a little observation we were then sent to L&D to meet with the doctor.

She did an exam to rule out preterm labor, checked my cervix, and did and internal exam to make sure baby was nice and high.

Everything checked out and I cried tears of joy. All I could say was "thank you Jesus! We've waited so long to meet this precious one, I just want her to be healthy!"

When she was examining me she discovered the source of my bleed-a polyp on my cervix. Something I had never heard of but something she said was common in pregnancy.

She was so sweet, as were all the staff we came in contact with, telling us this was a good thing, that we knew the source of the bleed and that everything looked great with our baby and me.

She then scheduled a ultrasound just for further verification that she was ok.

The ultrasound machine wasn't the best quality for pictures wise, but the doctor giving the ultrasound was amazing and checked out everything and our daughter looked great.

She Weighs about 2 pounds 4 ounces (just amazing!!!) and all major organs look and measured great.

After seeing her on ultrasound we were sent back to our room so I could get more blood drawn so that I could get the Rhogham (spelling?!) shot due to the bleeding and my being A- while dh is O+.

We left before midnight, grabbed a bite to eat and I instantly collapsed in bed from mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.

Looking back at the day I wish I could have held it together and not broken down, but I was so fearful my body was causing our daughter harm somehow. IF has done this to me, I'm sure.

I'm grateful though that my dh was a steady presence throughout all of the chaos and of course, prayers helped too.

Prayer is such a powerful, unifying gift from our Lord.

And now today, today is my shower. The thing I've only ever been able to dream about and hope for the last five years.

The craziness of this week has left the shower off my mind somewhat so it doesn't even feel real.

It definitely hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe it will when I get there in a few hours.

Praying for a happy day, full of thanksgiving for the health of our baby and hoping I can sit back and truly soak up these moments and cherish these gifts I've waited so long for.

Thank you Jesus.

A month of gratitude: day 8

Today I'm thankful for:

Which involve: house slippers, cozy blankets, a fall candle burning and 'Saved by the Bell' on Netflix.

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A month of gratitude: day 7

For the past 3 or so weeks I have had this strong, sharp pain below my right breast. At times it feels like my skin is tearing. It started out only happening here and there (like walking for a long time or holding something heavy for awhile).

But this week, it has been more constant and brought me to tears.

It finally got to the point where my dh decided Monday night that we were going to the ER.

Thankfully our little one looks great and they ruled our any major problems like my liver of gallbladder.

And even though I didn't want to be at the hospital, a couple positives were that the nursing staff was amazing and the rooms were nice-both important because that's where we'll be delivering-and the biggest perk...the two hours we were there I was hooked up to a monitor and we got to listen to baby girl and hear her kicks and wiggles.

There's a few things it could be, but all I know is that she's healthy and I'm healthy and I'm finding ways to deal with the pain.

On top of all this, because of the pain (and following the election and being back to having to pee every couple hours!) I haven't gotten much sleep and my throat has been itchy.

I thought the itchy throat was because of the lack of sleep but today I woke with drainage and a sore throat...so I've been most likely fighting a head cold.

Thankfully, I have nothing to do this week until Friday and then my (ahhhhh!!!) shower Saturday, so I've been taking it easy.

Which leads to what I'm thankful for today....

My dh and his taking care of things while I rest!

He dusted and vacuumed today.
And he did the laundry.

All before he left for work at 5.

I'm so thankful that he jumps in a helps when I cannot-especially because he knows how much it stresses me out not to get my things done.

Thank God for my husband who isn't afraid to fold some laundry and help out around the house...

I'm so blessed.

A month of gratitude: day 6

Today I'm thankful that we live in a country where we get to vote for our leader.

My husband and I were talking about how this election will really determine where the moral compass of our country is.

I'm just hoping and praying that a change is a coming....

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A month of gratitude: day 5

Every other Monday, throughout our entire pregnancy, I have woken up early and to drive 30 mins for a 10 second blood draw.

A blood draw where, even after being an old pro at blood work from all our years of IF, I still have to turn my eyes away.

The blood draw that I then take and ship to Omaha so that PPVI can monitor me for my progesterone.

Today, as much as I don't like waking early and driving 30 mins and getting poked, I am SO thankful for this extra monitoring.

A month of gratitude: day 4

Today, I am thankful for something I'm sure I take for granted more times than not...

...a hot, steamy, shower.

Today was a long day that began at 4 am. We had to be up and out to head east for an extremely early Mass, to celebrate an extremely early baptism of a beautiful baby girl.

The early morning mixed with all the time in the car mixed with an ever changing body had me aching tonight.

Thankfully, I was able to take a hot, steamy shower.

The heat and the steam seemed to melt away the aches and pains from the day.

The hot water soaked in instantly relaxing muscles that were sore and tight.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the hot steam, thanking God for something so simple as our shower.

While I was soaking up all the goodness of the shower I couldn't help but think that there are so many who are without power and heat.

So tonight, I thank God for the simple things in life that are fortunately there for me when I need them...like that hot, steamy shower.

A month of gratitude: day 3

Today I am thankful for our new car:

The thing is, my dh and I have horrible luck with cars.

We have always bought used cars but without fail...the three cars we've purchased in our 5 years of marriage, have been lemons.

Literally, a month or so after buying our new used car, a light would come on, a crazy spudder sound would occur, or it would simply break down.

And every time I would get such anxiety because 1)being stranded on the side of the road freaks me the heck out and 2)it was never a simple, cheap fix.

Anyways, so last month we decided that enough was enough when our most recent newest used car's (that we hasn't even had for a year) light came on.

We went and traded that lemon in and bought the new car we had always talked about.

So yes, we have a new car, we have a superb warranty and we are stress free when I comes to our car situation (for now at least!!!).

I am so grateful that my husband works hard and provides for us so that we are able to purchase a new car.

A month of gratitude: day 2

A month of gratitude-day one.

I'm following along with this pretty blogger (and I'm sure others!!) and am going to attempt a post a day, for Nov., about what I'm thankful for.

Now, to be honest, I've never blogged everyday for an entire month before. And now that I think about it, I am not even sure I've done a whole weeks worth of posts!

Oh well...I'm up for the challenge! I like the idea of slowing down and writing down things that I'm grateful for-no matter how big or small. This will definitely be a good thing leading up to Thanksgiving.

And now, on to day one:
Today I am thankful for my amazing husband. Especially after the day I had today (my hormones were extra crazy) and his amazing support and love, there was no way I couldn't mention him.

He is patient with me.
He is kind.
He supports me.
He works hard for our family-often missing out on family functions because of his crazy work schedule.

But most importantly, he is a man of God that loves me and honors me. I love that if something is happening and I'm upset, the first thing he does is try and lead us in prayer.

I am beyond blessed to have him by my side and am so thankful for him.

Happy Halloween

26 weeks!!!

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Prayers for my SIL please * UPDATED

***Update:
Thanks for the prayers! Today, she was finally released from the hospital and they are home.

She had a severe UTI and possible infection in her uterus but thankfully, she's on the mend.

Yesterday I was with the little ones and I must say-taking care of a newborn (not even a week old) and a 19 month old will keep you on your toes! Last night each time I had to wake with little L, my heart was sad knowing that my SIL wanted to be the one waking with her new daughter.

I'm just glad I got to help and spend time with them and that my SIL was able to get the proper care she needed.

My dh came over and stayed the night also, so we both joked we were getting some practice time in before our little one arrives in a few months!

Boy is it exhausting! Exhausting but obviously so very worth it.

Thanks again for all the prayers-I know it helped with her healing and the sadness she felt being away from her babies!

****

My SIL, the one who just had our sweet little niece a few days ago, was taken to the ER by my brother with a high fever, shivers, high blood pressure and some other things I didn't quite get.

They are thinking it might be a severe UTI or something to do with being anemic (she found out her iron was dangerously low after delivering).

They're waiting for lab results right now, but the doctor said she'll def stay over night and maybe a couple days in the hospital.

On top of not feeling well, it's gotta be so hard to be away from her new baby and 19 month old.

Just asking for prayers that they find out what's wrong and also that she recovers quickly!

Thanks y'all!

"Pray...there is immeasurable power in it."

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It went down again...

I know I'm not suppose to worry but I do.

This is now the second time in a row for it to drop.

I'm upping my injections and adding another suppository during the day.

I just want my body to work properly and provide all that she needs to continue to grow and healthy.

Like I said, I know I shouldn't worry...but I do.

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Still in disbelief that I'm pregnant.

Even typing that title with the words "I'm pregnant" feels so unreal to me.

Tomorrow (or technically today, since it's after midnight) I'll be 25 weeks and I still feel like I need to be pinched...like this is all an amazing dream.

I don't know if this is like most IFers turned preggos or maybe it's most women in general, but I can't believe there's this little person inside of me.

Even though,
I've had 3 ultrasounds...
My belly is def growing bigger and bigger and I'm being asked when I'm due...
My amazing families are in the process of planning my baby showers...
I listen to her heart beating every night...
Her kicks are strong and simply the greatest thing I've ever felt...
I can see my stomach literally jump when she wiggles and kicks...
People ask how she is doing, by name...

All this and I am still in complete awe that this is happening.

I thought that my growing tummy, the talking about it enough and planning for her upcoming arrival would make it sink in...like really sink in but like I said, more times than not I'm just in awe.

I'm guessing that it won't officially sink in until she's placed in my arms.

I can't wait to meet her.

It's crazy, how can it feel like February 4th can't seem to get here fast enough but also, at the very same time, OHMYGOODNESSWEARE15WEEKSAWAYFROMMEETINGOURDAUGHTERFACETOFACE?!!!

:)

And just for a little belly bump update, here's a collage of the bump, starting at 11 weeks and then every other week until 23 weeks:

She's definitely growing in there!

So very thankful for this pregnancy, even if I still feel like I'm dreaming at times!

Yesterday

Thanks for the encouraging words and prayers yesterday. Thankfully I was only in a funk/anxious/upset for a bit in the morning.

My sweet dh woke up to me crying, and then I told him about my numbers going down and also, on top of everything, it seemed like baby girl wasn't as wiggly as she normally was.

His first response, was to say not to worry and then he lead us in prayer.

Little girl was still rather still which had me anxious, but my sweet dh rubbed my belly and started to talk to her...

And she instantly started wiggling and kicking.

She loves her daddy so much already.
And boy oh boy are we blessed to have him as our leading man.

From that moment on my heart was calm and my anxiety slowly crept away.

Later that morning, we left and met his parents and brother and headed to the state fair, which was amazing!!!

Great food, great family times and tons to look at.

The only draw back was that I'm quickly realizing my physical limitations! I've always had back problems (because of a incident while I was 18) but am normally ok as long as I stretch if it gets too sore, but now, it gets sore/tired much quicker. Also, my feet get so unbelievably sore and so that mixed with my back meant more breaks...

Breaks in between fried food yumminess.

Speaking of fried food, I'll show y'all a little sneak at what we all tried. And no, I didn't eat everything on my own (except for the corn dog and fried bacon cinnamon roll), we mostly shared to try a variety! Perk of going with others!!

Now, I'll show the picture, but please don't judge. We were at the fair and this only happens once a year. ;)

1) Jalapeño, cheddar corn dog
2) Pulled brisket nachos
3) Fried cheeseburger bites filled with cheese and jalapeños
4) Cotton Candy
5) Funnel cake with strawberries
6) Fried bacon cinnamon rolls
7) Fried Pb&j

My top favorites: The jalapeño cheddar corn dog, fried cheeseburger bites and (surprising) the fried bacon cinnamon rolls.

Here's me in my happy place...


One was my dh's by the way, I was holding it for him as he went to get drinks. But, it sure did make for a funny picture!

All in all, yesterday started rough, but with the amazing support and spiritual guidance of my dh, my anxiety quickly turned to peace. And the state fair was a huge success...making yesterday a great day after all.


(Source)

A little discouraged

I got a call from PPVI today and last weeks draw was the first that my progesterone dropped.

They don't sound concerned but for me it's hard because even though I've had major progesterone issues throughout this pregnancy, the one consistent thing, however, has been that it has always (even if just a point or two) gone up.

Until last week.

I looked up my numbers on their little chart and it shows I'm middle zone 2.

I'm sure it's just the hormones talking but hearing that it went down for the first time, really made my stomach turn.

I've got plans to post about all my progesterone numbers from this pregnancy, especially because I think if can help give hope to those struggling with low progesterone or PCOS...but today I was surprised by the decrease and therefore will be trying to shake that not so great feeling....

Heading to the State Fair of Tx today.
A jalapeño cheddar corn dog (or ten) is a must.

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Today is:

A no bra kinda day.
And of course no make up.
And I'll be wearing my dh's super comfy, oversized sweat pants.
And a pony tail.
Oh, and house slippers.
Did I mention no bra?

Why all this glitz and glam for this girl?!
I've been pretty busy lately running around and I've noticed that my back and feet get tired like they've never been tired before.

So that's why today is a stay in and relax kinda day!

Besides, doing laundry does not take being all dolled up.

Or a bra.
A bra isn't necessary for doing laundry either.

Aww...the good life! ;)


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It's that time of the year!

My absolute favorite time of the year is fall! It's perfectly kicked off with my birthday (thanks for the well wishes ladies!) and my husband's also!

The weather is gorgeous:

And I always have my husband pull down my fall decorations from the attic. First thing was putting my wreath, I made a couple years back, on our door and then secondly laying out some of the other fall decor to decide where to put it:





And of course fall means lots of scarves with cardigans:


And boots with leggings:


Other perks of fall:
-lots of fall candles to be lit at all times during the day/evening
-state fair and our church's carnival (both have food that I think about all year long!!)
-Aggie football (which we're actually doing pretty good this year...whoop!!!)
-the lead up to Thanksgiving with family and of course my favorite holiday, Christmas.
-the beautiful leaves falling and gorgeous colors of the trees.

And normally I would add here watching the Rangers in the post season but because of this year's rule changes in regards to the wildcard teams, we were eliminated on Friday and will not be advancing. But not just that, our guys just didn't have the heart here at the end. I'm really hoping we can learn and move forward from this...you know, hopefully come back next year and win it all!

So yes, this is my absolutely FAVORITE time of the year. There are so many blessings to be seen and so many memories to me made.

I'm going to make a sign for my mantle with this quote I love, and thought I would leave y'all with it here at the bottom-it's a great reminder if you ask me:

The last five years

Every year, for the past 5 years, I would blow out my candles and wish, hope, plea for "THIS to be our year."

And this morning I woke up to my sweet daughter's kicks, reminding me that this year, I would have to change that wish.

I'm feeling SO overwhelmingly humbled by all the blessings that God has put in both my life and my husband's life.

Last year of my 20's and I have a feeling it's going to be the best yet...

(This should be called "death by chocolate" chocolate cake...I like chocolate but not quite enough to request this doozy of a cake again! My sweet cousin did a great job though! I just fell into a chocolate/food coma shortly after consuming a small piece of this!!!)

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Guess we got to meet yesterday?

His name starts with an H and ends with a ilgers!!!

Dr. Hilgers! :)

My dh and I attended a prolife banquet last night and he was the guest speaker and I just knew that after it was over, I wanted to meet him.

And honestly, I was nervous and my hands were a little shaky...definitely felt like we were meeting a celebrity!

He was SO kind, funny and easy to talk to. We thanked him for all his work with PPVI and then gave him a brief rundown of where we came from and where we were, and he seemed genuinely excited for us!

I told him we were thankful and felt quite at peace being monitored by PPVI for my progesterone and that I knew that they were a big reason why we were where we are now, because our other doctor simply wanted to "just see what would happen" and didn't have a plan for my severely low progesterone.

Mentioning this, it seem to frustrate him that yet another doctor was willing to just sit by even though so much could be done.

He then asked what was my progesterone was when we got pregnant, and when I mentioned it was 6, he said, "oh my, that was low!"

Let's just say, after talking more with him about my low progesterone and where we are now, we were all in agreement that this little one is a miracle and a fighter.

It was just so amazing meeting a man who does so much good.

A man who fights for women and doesn't seek to simply mask problems.

A man who seeks to help the woman and man get as healthy as possible.

Both my husband and I are so happy we got to meet him and are feeling so blessed to get to work with such a great group of doctors.

The PPVI is amazing and I am definitely spreading the word about their good works as much as possible.

And now, I leave you with our picture that a sweet, stranger took for us:

And lastly here's a picture from the end of the night...our little one's first pro-life banquet:



If you were wondering, yes, those are our real faces...I felt it was time to just forget the whole being anonymous thing! ;)